Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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A breakup due to his depression?

replies: 1

My partner and i have a long history together and have been dating for just over a year, it was all great until the last few months he began to withdraw, and just seemed generally down. He claims to not feel anything and feel detached from not only our relationship, but everything life. We decided to take some space and end it because he wants to be alone so that he doesnt feel like a burden on me. I am worried as he only just realised that he is dealing with depression and is not seeking any medication or any professional help, but rather prefers to isolate himself from the world until he feels 'better'. We are both 25 years old and while I want this relationship to work and I want to support him, I dont know how to deal with this split. I am in two minds as to moving on with my life and treating it as a break up, or whether I can support him as the only reason for our break up is due to his depression. He claims he would like to be back how we were in the beginning of our relationship but needs time alone to sort himself out. Is it pointless for me to hold onto hope that we can work it out? Is there anything I should be doing to support him? How do I even support myself in this situation? I cant quite move on in case we do want to try again but I dont want to hold on to hope in the case he never feels like trying again? Has anyone had a similar experience to this?

My boyfriend is depressed - I need some support

replies: 14

Hi, My boyfriend is depressed and ended our relationship via text messsge last Thursday while I was overseas. I just returned home. I am heartbroken. I had just spoken to him a few days earlier on the phone and everything was fine. I emailed him to let him know that I felt very upset and to ask him if he would speak to me in person about his decision to end our relationship. I told him I didn't want our relationship to end. He said he didn't want to speak me in person because he couldn't change his mind. We had some email correspondence over a couple of days. He said he was sorry that he could not give me what I want. He said he didn't want to be with me or anyone and that he needed to sort his stuff out. He said talking with him wouldn't change anything. He said he was not well mentally and too stressed in his life. He said he needs to be on his own. I haven't contacted him since our email correspondence ended on Sunday. I miss him and I want to speak with him, but I am also respecting that he doesn't want to speak with me. He hasn't contacted me since either. I don't know what to do, I need some advice. thanks for listening.

Adult son with ADHD/anxiety/depression/substance abuse

replies: 43

Thank you for sharing your story JPH68 as mine is very similar. My son is 27 and has recently come to live with me away from the city in a largish regional coastal town. The hope was that he would cope better with the slower pace which would help him get his life back on track. In reality I'm at my wits end. Diagnosed with ADHD at 7, leaving school in Year 10, he has worked as a chef ever since, struggled to make/keep friends, he gets jobs easily but can't keep them. He has a heart the size of this country, is super sensitive. He is estranged from his only sibling and so I'm his only support. Over the past 8 years or so he has lost 4-5 friends to suicide. Until recently he refused to have any type of therapy which he had a lot of as a child until he refused. He has recently started seeing a counsellor irregularly which I don't believe is enough. He is on a waiting list for a psychiatrist. He self medicates with anti-depressants and/or alcohol. I'm constantly shadowing him and at times feel as though I'm on suicide watch. Last week I called the Acute Care Team as he told me he recently attempted suicide. He has also told me he thinks about death daily and has done for years, even the methods he would or would not use. He was given an appointment by the ACT however the day before this he refused to go, so I cancelled. He then said he was in a mood and would like the appointment after all. I have told him he needs to make this call himself. His father and I divorced 20 years ago and don't really get on however he came here for the past few days after I made an emergency call. I'm not sure my son wants to get better, admitting he is running away from himself and even though he says he hates the person he is. I've tried encouraging him to do the things he loves e.g. fishing however I know getting motivated is a struggle as he is in such a dark place. There are times when I tell myself to just become resigned to the fact he will probably not make it to 30. He's an adult but I feel the need to mother him like a child. He wants his own apartment however I worry this would be a disaster for many reasons I won't go into. He does not drive and knows no one here. I work full time. He shuns the idea of medication, because he says 2 friends died after stopping their own meds, yet he takes other medication which terrifies me and turns him into a zombie. I just don't know what else to do.

need advice and direction

replies: 4

Hi my son is 32 years old. He suffers anxiety and takes medication. Lately I feel his behaviour has changed and isn't normal at all. He is paranoid, angry, nasty, blaming, dillusional, withdrawn from socialising and I feel something is really wrong. I am a mother and I am in tune to the fact that something has changed. I know he needs more help but I don't know how to find it, address it, and how to deal with this. He sees a dr but naturally, the dr wont discuss things with me. I have decided to at least inform the Dr of his behaviour but I'm scared the dr will only prescribe more medication. Any thoughts and does anyone have any suggestions of what I should do?

Supporting a freind with depression what are the signs to step back and maybe loose a great friends

replies: 4

I have known this female friend for about 4 years as we worked on the same FIFO site together, doing recreational sports, studying, eating meals etc and over that time we developed quite a close sibling type of friendship. Over those years I listened and supported her dealing with her daughter who was self harming, and a partner who did not believe in her daughters depression and the myriad of other issues in her life. When time came to finish up the job and go home we caught up for a few beers but then over the last few months she drifted away and fell into a very bad depression. When I do get to speak to her she is like a different person. Heavily guarded with her emotional walls up and if our conversations start getting personal she shuts them down and of late has been pushing me away. I do understand her partner is not fond of her having male friends but I myself am happily married and all our work friends support each other when it comes to mental health issues related to FIFO work. As a good friend Im not sure if I should continue sending her positive messages and continuing to be there for her or just stand back and give her the space she wants until she has dealt with it and decides to calls me.

My 17 year old son is suffering from anxiety and low self esteem and I need to know how to help him

replies: 3

Hi my son is about to start HSC and he has been unfocused and hardly studying just holed up in his room playing play station. Last night after a lot of probing from me, he opened up about not caring about anything and looking forward to nothing. He discussed how he has anxiety in social situations and assumes that nobody likes him. He talked about struggling to have conversations with his friends and making excuses to avoid social situations. He told me he has always felt like this but theses feelings and anxiety levels are getting worse. Apart from the immediate concern I have due to HSC starting tomorrow, how can I get him help. And is this normal in teenagers?

Increasing anxiety from the prospect of going to jail

replies: 6

My partner is facing the prospect of going to jail. The process is taking a very long time, and he is not handling it well (I don't know if you can handle something like this well). His symptoms are most obvious at night. I first noticed he'd get sweaty and scratch during the night. Lately, he has been shaking violently (like he's naked in the snow), but in bed we're very warm. I'm very concerned for him with these escalating symptoms, especially since an outcome is still months off. Is there anything I can do to help him through this process and to ease his anxiety?

Teenage daughter struggling.

replies: 9

Hi, My 14 year old daughter suffers with anxiety. Home life has become extremely hard due to her unwillingness to go to school. She hates school because of the social side even though she has good friends who support her . We have missed many days because of it and now she is behind in work. This has now made her terrified to go to school because she is scared of getting in trouble. We have had appointments with the guidence officer, teachers and principle but she just sits there and doesn't say a word because she's to scared. We have her seeing a psychologist once a week. Nothing is helping at all. Just lately she has started to lash out and say mean things to her father. This morning she kicked a hole in the wall because her father took away her phone for not going to school. I'm away for work and have her on the phone to me crying that she doesn't want to go to school anymore. I don't know what else we can do to help more. We are both very supportive and understand how hard this is for her but nothing is helping. Does anyone have any advice? Please!

Wanting to help someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

replies: 4

I have a friend with BPD and I want to help her. But I don't understand the condition. I have read a little bit about it and most of what I've read says that it's to do with constantly fluctuating emotional extremes, and tendency to have low self-esteem and self-harm. But this doesn't paint enough of a picture for me, it doesn't tell me how this person thinks and feels, and although I can talk to her about almost anything I feel extremely inadequate trying to talk to her about her mental health problems as she instantly shuts it down or changes the subject. I have mental health problems myself. OCD primarily. and have suffered through periods of depression and anxiety so I have a fair bit of lived experience but I don't know what is going on in her head at all. I know there are probably kind people her with BPD, I'm wondering if you would like to chime in to maybe help me out here?

Not sure I can cope with Husband's depression any longer

replies: 7

My husband and I have been together for over 20 years and married for almost 19. He has suffered from depression and anxiety for all of that time. Some periods have been better than others. He was hospitalised a couple of years ago and has never been very good since. He is on medication but it doesn't really seem to make a lot of difference. He has no interest in anything and says he hates his life. He stays in bed until late and when he does get up, just watches TV or reads. He is supposed to be working from home but very little work gets done. Lately it feels like everything he says is negative and his anger gets the better of him. I try to be understanding but it is difficult day in day out and it boils over every now and again. We had a massive arguement last night and things are just as bad this morning. All the negative vibes in the house are effecting our 4 teenage kids. Our eldest daughter in particular doesn't really like her father. I don't know what to do anymore. I just want my happy husband that I know is in there somewhere. I don't want to leave him but am not sure if staying is the best thing for our family.

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

A breakup due to his depression? replies: 1

My boyfriend is depressed - I need some support replies: 14

Adult son with ADHD/anxiety/depression/substance abuse replies: 43

need advice and direction replies: 4

Supporting a freind with depression what are the signs to step back and maybe loose a great friends replies: 4

My 17 year old son is suffering from anxiety and low self esteem and I need to know how to help him replies: 3

Increasing anxiety from the prospect of going to jail replies: 6

Teenage daughter struggling. replies: 9

Wanting to help someone with Borderline Personality Disorder replies: 4

Not sure I can cope with Husband's depression any longer replies: 7