Hi there,
my husband has been suffering with depression for years which basically
shows in at least one massive outburst every year and also general unhappiness sometimes. During these
outbursts he questions everything, tells me a lot of hurtful things and
leaves no doubt on his doubts. He has told me so many painful things he believes
are going wrong, that I am not sure anymore whether this is just
depression talking or whether he may be depressed because of those
things going wrong. Especially in our relationship. He holds things
against me that seem miniscule, like me not liking to drive our car
(although I do and can) and he makes those issues big reasons why he
struggles. He told me he struggles every day with the thought of issues
in our relationship at the moment. Things like him potentially wanting
kids and me not, me loving travel and him just wanting to hide away at
his mum's etc. He is chopping and changing from excited about our
upcoming holiday to telling me that he only plays excited for me but
finds the thought of travel terrible and exhausting.
Hhas, in the past, sought help from psychologists and we have
twice gone to counselling together. Every time it helped, however, it
was just never a long-term help and relief. We do not seem to break the
cycle with him having depressive tendencies that come back up after a
few months of help. And I understand that this happens given that
depression is a matter that can be managed, yet not cured. I have spoken
to him again yesterday and after some initial resistance got him to
find help for his own sake. So he
will be reaching out to his EAP and a few other options today and I
really hope it will help and last. In the past, he went to a few sessions, kind of felt
better but then stopped. I do not believe anymore that occasional help
is enough. I think he will need ongoing support, maybe even
medication (which he is likely not open to). Although he
only has annual big outbursts, he is constantly unsure about things and
doubting them. The only reason why he has outbursts is because he
bottles things up over the months leading up to it. So that makes me
wonder whether he actually feels truly happy at any time at all. And I
am coming to a point where I can’t help but feel that maybe he truly is
in the wrong relationship. I am generally happy with him but if he just isn’t, maybe it’s not
because he is depressed but because we are really not good for one
another.
I just really don’t know what to do.
