Need help please so confused! Partner is pushing me away!!

[Graciousone]

I’m currently going through the rollercoaster of not knowing what to do. We have been together for 4 years and everything was great, Then things started to change. He started not helping around the house and started going out with his football friends and drinking. He would come home early in the morning after i would be up all night worried. And he would sleep all the next day. I have known he has had depression as when we met he was suffering but it disappeared. Then one day he stopped saying i love you and that he doesnt know if he loved me anymore. From there he has been pushing me away to the point where I am now. He is getting help and his first appointment is Wednesday. I love this guy with all my heart and it’s killing me that he is like this.

I know depression causes people to feel numb and doubt things that’s where he is at. He doesnt know what he wants but doesnt want me to leave. I asked him last night of I should leave and He said stay. He broke up with me last week saying he needs space to get himself fixed. We are still living together and he still calls me by my pet and we Give each other an occasional hug and snuggle - no nookie!, i want to support him as the road ahead is going to be rough for him. He came over from america and only really has me as a main support. But I’m trying to work out whether the relationship will survive and how do I make it survive? Will he get rid of the numbness and doubt?

[bipolarbeauty]

Hi Graciousone,

I am sorry to hear you are going through this with your partner. I honestly don't have much to help and share cause I'm not in a relationship at the moment. But have you heard of couple counselling/therapy? I heard it can be quite beneficial and works. Can I suggest you google:

beyond blue - find a professional

There's an option to choose Find A Psychologist then you can refine the 'Issues' under Relationship with Couple Therapy and actually find a psychologist/therapist who has an interest in working with couples and their issues. You mentioned that your partner has depression, perhaps if you can encourage him to come to counselling with you, it makes him realise that you care about him and want to grow together as a couple.

Do give couple therapy a go, if you haven't yet.

Keep us all updated by replying to this thread,
Suzi

[geoff]

hi Graciousone, always a difficult post to answer to, never the less, we owe it to you.
At the moment he is using alcohol to help himself through this, but it won't help him in the long run, that's what I've learnt in hindsight.
Try and make sure that he goes to his appointment, in a caring way, because if it's done by forcing him then this could turn him off going, encouragement is great.
When someone has depression it can be a thought that they want to go and leave you alone, that's a natural response, and even if they do they will still need you in the background as a silent supporter, in other words, there will be times when he will want to speak with you, because he feels terrible, and in a really bad spot, that he can't seem to get out of, so he wants some advice.
Can I ask you to click on 'Get Support' at the top of the page and scroll down to 'Publications to Download', this will provide you with a small booklet from BB about all types of depression and is very informative, and the more you know the better chance of helping him, but it will also help you.
At the moment don't worry about the 'nookie', it's probably the last thing on his mind, and will return when he starts to feel better. Geoff.

[Puppies]

Hi Geoff,

That was very helpful, I want to get as educated about someone with depression as possible, I don't have it and I won't understand unless I do. But it's good to know that pushing people away is a natural response of those with depression, and that he does still need me, even though he said he needs space.

puppies x

[geoff]

hello Puppies, thanks for getting back to us.
There are different sections on the site for you to go through and read the comments made by those asking us for help and then the many replies back to them.
If you haven't had depression, thank goodness for that, and I really mean that, however there are times when people can't work out why someone could possibly have depression, especially when they have a good job, paid off their home mortgage, have two children who are no trouble whats so ever, and have a good social life but suddenly develop depression, it doesn't sound to be logical at all, and no it doesn't, but unfortunately depression can strike anybody at any time and nobody is ever immune from it. Geoff.

[Puppies]

Hi Geoff,

Thats very true, I am thankful that I don't have depression but yes unfortunately no one is immune.

I aim to do as much research as possible so that i can understand better how to support someone