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Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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Mamma_Mar How do i help my daughter long distance ???
  • replies: 9

My daughter has been diagnosed with anxiety she is visiting from Brisbane and has had two attacks , i do not know how to help her. She leaves in two days and i feel so helpless. My concern is how do i help her long distance.???

My daughter has been diagnosed with anxiety she is visiting from Brisbane and has had two attacks , i do not know how to help her. She leaves in two days and i feel so helpless. My concern is how do i help her long distance.???

BenD I want to help
  • replies: 4

Hi all, My younger bro is on the autistic spectrum (relatively mild symptoms) and sometimes it's really hard to be tolerant of his way of doing this. In our family he is known as "Mr Resister" because he resists almost every proposition and change su... View more

Hi all, My younger bro is on the autistic spectrum (relatively mild symptoms) and sometimes it's really hard to be tolerant of his way of doing this. In our family he is known as "Mr Resister" because he resists almost every proposition and change suggested to him, and questions everything. Of course,I love him to bits for his unique and refreshing way of viewing the world but sometimes it can be a bit much. E.g. my mum is away and so I spent 3 hours after uni shopping and making dinner (I'm the eldest of 5, Dad works till 7pm) and when it was all done he came in and made a cheeky comment about the quality of the food, probably not understanding the effort I had put in. I got mad when he didn't apologise and wrestled with him a bit (not anymore or any less than I would do with my other brothers) and he got upset. Dad arrived home and thought I was to blame (despite my other siblings assuring him otherwise) and so I took myself off to uni again to study (unproductively). Anyway, I later apologized for hurting my bro and he accepted it, but I still feel like he didn't appreciate how much he had upset me earlier. I didn't mean to go off at him like that but it's hard to always hold back when you just want to react. Anyone else get this way? Thanks in advance, Ben

d_93 Family member suffering from anxiety and depression
  • replies: 5

Hi all, This is my first post so i don't really no where to start or what to expect. I'm a mild anxiety sufferer who takes medication on a daily basis to keep it all under control. Anxiety and depression runs in my family. My sister suffers from depr... View more

Hi all, This is my first post so i don't really no where to start or what to expect. I'm a mild anxiety sufferer who takes medication on a daily basis to keep it all under control. Anxiety and depression runs in my family. My sister suffers from depression and my mum has been living most of her life with psychotic anxiety and depression. After 20 odd years of her suffering in December last year it got a lot for the family and my mum needed help where she was admitted into a mental health ward to get her help. Medications were changed and she was receiving ect to hopefully help her. Since then she has been in and out of the mental health unit receiving treatment but is still feeling extremely anxious. We have noticed improvements since entering but it's always a bit of a two steps forward one step back kind of thing. At home it's obvious the affect and impact this is having on us. My father is stressed and concerned, my sister is suffering from more depression and i miss my mum like crazy and just want her back to her normal, happy and talkative self. I feel anxious because i feel like everything is falling apart for us and i just don't want this to destroy our family. I feel so incredibly helpless because we are getting her the best care but she also needs to help herself (keeping in mind it is easier said than done). As this is putting a strain on our family at the end of the day i just want my mum home and back to her normal self. I want everything to go back to normal so i can spend happy times with the ones i love most. If anyone has been through something similar or has any advice i'd love to hear from you. Thank you, d.93

MW86 Unable to help wife suffering PTSD and depression/anxiety
  • replies: 2

Hi, My wife is really struggling with depression and anxiety, bought on by a traumatic birth and post birth experience. My wife is very stressed as she has started a new job, and is now working full time hours again after 6 months off and 6 months 2 ... View more

Hi, My wife is really struggling with depression and anxiety, bought on by a traumatic birth and post birth experience. My wife is very stressed as she has started a new job, and is now working full time hours again after 6 months off and 6 months 2 days working, she is studying to further her career, and living in a mostly, but not fully, renovated house. She feels disorganised due to the renovation mess, and has low self esteem from the birth and breastfeeding problems, as well as from the weight gain after childbirth. She went through a program and has lost 16kg and is now back to her pre baby weight, which is amazing. But still doesnt feel right. She punishes herself for the odd occasion where she doesnt eat 'correctly'. She will not go and see professional help. And the mere suggestion of that causes arguments. Now the big issue. Im doing what I can to support her, however im a practical person. I try to fix problems. She stresses over something, and I fix it. most recent it was not having blinds in the living area of the house yet. I installed blinds. Its not enough. So she withdraws to her mothers group via the internet. There are nights where we barely talk because she is on her phone chatting away flat out with other people, just not me. She gets offended when i tell her to put her phone down. She tells me she isnt attracted to me anymore, and that intamacy is 'too hard' but complains that there isnt enough of it. Most of the problems seem to stem from errors ive made, or things i havent got to yet. When these are bought up, they are done so in what i see as an aggressive way. Which makes me defensive and causes arguments. I cant seem to do anything right. Im by no means perfect, and we argue because I have a hot head on occasion and refuse to continue to take what I see as unnecessary abuse. So there are most definitely times when I am less than helpful. I am struggling to give her the emotional support she needs while looking after myself and our young daughter. I need help in the best way to provide emotional support to her as its not something I am good at and what im currently doing isnt working. I am trying to keep a cool calm head, but feel that a lot of the time her anger is directed at me, and that its unneccesary. Im struggling to deal with that, and its making me feel more and more like I am no good, and im doing the wrong things, etc. Its starting to bring me down and that makes it harder again to support her.

Blu_Frankie Struggling mum of daughter with social anxiety
  • replies: 4

Hi, first time posting so bear with me.. I have a 15yo daughter who suffers from Social Anxiety. She left school mid year last year and has registered as homeschooling.Wev been 'unschooling' though as I can't get her motivated to actually do anything... View more

Hi, first time posting so bear with me.. I have a 15yo daughter who suffers from Social Anxiety. She left school mid year last year and has registered as homeschooling.Wev been 'unschooling' though as I can't get her motivated to actually do anything. She hates going anywhere so starting a course isn't going to happen. As she hates talking to anyone other than me or her brothers.. she's only now after 4yrs starting open up to my partner... I guess I just need advice on what I can do to help her? I hate seeing her licked away in her bedroom alone all the time. (She stays in there so she doesn't have to talk to anyone)

Meldrum Daughter struggling or just behaving badly
  • replies: 2

My 23 YO recently broke up with her partner and was put on anti depressants. Intiially this helped her a lot but she has arrived for a family easter weekend yesterday in a very low and angry mood. She had said mid week that she was dreading coming an... View more

My 23 YO recently broke up with her partner and was put on anti depressants. Intiially this helped her a lot but she has arrived for a family easter weekend yesterday in a very low and angry mood. She had said mid week that she was dreading coming and we told her we would miss her if she didnt come but understood if she didnt want to be around people. She did tell me when i asked last night that she has stopped the medication. She is very withdrawn and angry and we are all walking on egg shells unsure whether to approach her or leave her alone. i gave her a hug yesterday and just said I was here for her if she needed me and that Inlove her very much she was a stiff as a board in my arms any advice would be greatly appreciated

StillNewToThis Pregnant BPD wife struggling with life
  • replies: 8

I met my wife just under five years ago and I've been married for just under two. She told me about her depression and anxiety fairly early on, but as I hadn't seen it, I ignored it somewhat. Then in the lead up to our wedding, I could tell she was g... View more

I met my wife just under five years ago and I've been married for just under two. She told me about her depression and anxiety fairly early on, but as I hadn't seen it, I ignored it somewhat. Then in the lead up to our wedding, I could tell she was getting very irritable, but I put that down to the pressures of wedding planning and thought that it would go away once the wedding had passed. Unfortunately that wasn't the case at all, things progressively got worse, up to a point where my wife had a breakdown and couldn't leave the bed. She had gone off her meds (SSRI) by then, because she was convinced that they weren't really doing anything. After that low, she had to quit work, we changed her medication and things were looking slightly up, but they actually got worse. In the second half of last year, she started engaging in self destructive behaviour. Her mother and I got her into a clinic after things got really bad and at first if anything, things got worse while in the clinic. Nevertheless, after the clinic, she seemed to be doing better and was able to go back to work four days a week in a less demanding role. As her greatest ever wish has always been having children, and it's what I want as well, we started trying and early this year she conceived. Unfortunately since then, she seems to be getting worse again. I can tell that she's very unhappy and the amount of work that she's missing is on the rise again. I also feel that at least 80% of her communication is her complaining about something and she's never ever satisfied with how things are. I'm trying to support her the best I can, but it's incredibly hard when she's dismissive of everything I do and actually complaining about me a lot. To top it off, I had a hard arrhythmia and had to be shocked back into a normal rhythm earlier this week and I'm not even 35. I don't know if this has anything to do with the stress of looking after my wife, but I guess it's certainly not helping. So I feel like I've got things to worry about on all fronts right now (work isn't great currently either). She's on a low dose of SSRIs, seeing her psychologist weekly and attending a DBT program, but all of this doesn't seem to be helping much. Any advice on what I could do to support her better? I'm getting worried about what happens when this child gets here. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? If so, what was the outcome? Any advice on the outlook of BPD?

Chi How can I help my partner suffering from anxiety?
  • replies: 1

About two months ago my partner had an anxiety attack, until this time I never knew that he suffered with this for most of his life. It was a very difficult time for us. It lasted about 3 weeks and he went to see a physiologist who told him the same ... View more

About two months ago my partner had an anxiety attack, until this time I never knew that he suffered with this for most of his life. It was a very difficult time for us. It lasted about 3 weeks and he went to see a physiologist who told him the same things as he was already telling himself. Two months went by and everything seemed great again, but as most people know having anxiety is like riding the waves. After attending a family function his anxiety has come back to revisit with the same stories. He is extremely open with me about it all and tells me all that he is feeling and thinking. I love him with every piece of me and it hurts me so much to see him like this. I can see in his eyes that he is is just begging for help. Any advice would be so appreciated.

Exhausted Help me to help my depressed wife.
  • replies: 11

A bit of background, been married to my wife for 5 years, been together 12 years, were 29 years old. Two wonderful kids, 3 and 1. She has been seeing a psychologist and GP for depression and high levels of anxiety for the last 8 months but I feel lik... View more

A bit of background, been married to my wife for 5 years, been together 12 years, were 29 years old. Two wonderful kids, 3 and 1. She has been seeing a psychologist and GP for depression and high levels of anxiety for the last 8 months but I feel like we didn't understand for 18 months before that that we needed help. She works two days a week now after dropping from 5, extremely thankful we have income protection, I work 5 days usually afternoons and look after the kids in the morning. With support from family she only has to have both kids together one day a week. She struggles to keep her emotions and anxiety under control with both kids at the same time. I don't see myself as someone who runs, and have committed to helping her feel better about herself and us learning to stay in control as much as possible. My wife is not abusive, manipulative and has not shown any signs to say she blames me for anything of what is happening. What she does do is what I call "leaving us." She is physically here with us but she doesn't respond when we talk to her, she forgets the simplest of tasks, seems constantly distracted and distant. This is the time I find hardest, I feel anxious about leaving the kids with her while I work, I feel like everything I do goes unnoticed and unappreciated. Sex is nonexistent during this time and any other time it seems like Its a chore. I find the easiest way to stay in control of my emotions during this time seems to be to not expect anything from her, which whilst working full time and two kids becomes totally exhausting for me. When she "returns" from one of these states of mind it's extremely hard to pick back up where we left off before she "left us." I expect her to realise what's happened and at very least acknowledge it, I find it hard to continue to offer my full support without feeling her love for me. this cycle happens every 10-14 days and lasts 3-5 days, and after 8 months I'm exhausted all the time, I've lost most of my friends, stopped going to the gym, and don't enjoy the hobbies I used to. I'm not sure what I'm expecting or asking for from writing this but just want to know how to keep being supportive, it know will get better eventually but it's so hard to keep it up. how do you keep telling yourself to keep going? Sincerely, Exhausted.

Bluemama Partner new on antipsychotic medication
  • replies: 2

I feel really helpness and scare when my partner having psychosis episode. We have a infant baby and I don't really know our future as I am so scared about our family future . Partner still don't think he needs treatment .

I feel really helpness and scare when my partner having psychosis episode. We have a infant baby and I don't really know our future as I am so scared about our family future . Partner still don't think he needs treatment .