Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Partner looking for advice to help

replies: 3

Hi everyone, I am after some advice on how to help my boyfriend who is suffering from pretty server depression for the first time, and it's really taken him back. He has told me he has been suffering for around 6 months, and isn't sure why he is feeling so sad. He has a good job, is fit and healthy, has a loving family and a long term girlfriend (me). He has asked us to go on a break so he can get his head in the right space, and therefor is not contacting me at all. I don't know how long this will go on for, and really want to help him. Should I try to contact him or give him a few weeks space and wait for him to make contact? It's been a week since I heard from him. Thanks!

At breaking point..

replies: 2

Hi everyone. My husband has depression, anxiety and is also a functioning alcoholic - all things he is working hard at to overcome but the cycle keeps repeating. He has a demanding job and is away frequently. As soon as something difficult happens he turns straight to alcohol. In turn this affects his headspace for days and increases anxiety. I get upset and he gets angry with me for expressing my frustration. I feel I am trapped in a cycle and I don't know if it will ever change. He is seeing a psychologist and doesn't drink much at home, usually when away for work. His behaviour becomes self destructive and I am worried I'm going to be left with no choice but to leave - I feel I have to accept my limitations. Does anyone have any advice or suggestions around what he could do instead of drinking when he has a bad day? He used to do weights every day and is half-heartedly trying to get back into it...I'm after some coping strategies. He refuses to go to AA. please help, any advice would be appreciated.

Partner with severe anxiety

replies: 5

Hi all, My fiancé and I have been together for 5.5 years and are getting within 10 months. During this time, we have had ups and downs but recently it just got worse. We have a lot of fights, even on holiday. Uncertainties about the future with no secure jobs for both of us stresses a hell of a lot out of me My fiancé has anxiety but not all the time. Every now and then it will attack him and make him very stressed about minor things which I understand and have been trying very hard to be there for him. So we just came back for 3 weeks holiday overseas. I thought it would help freshen our relationship but my fiancé had an anxiety attack at the end of the trip. He couldn't sleep and would wake up in tears. I felt for him so much but I didn't know what to do apart from crying with him and be there for him which he told me that was all he needed. It's been over 2 weeks now, we've been to the doctor and he will be seeing a psychiatrist next week as he seems to have post-traumatic stress from the last time when he had an asthma attack which nearly killed him and I was there. I love him so much but as the episode starts to get longer, I don't know how strong I can be there for him. I keep doubting myself that one day, when it gets too much I could leave him. He said I have done a great job and couldn't ask for more but the thought that I have to deal with this for the rest of my life scares me. Am I selfish? Does that mean I don't love him enough?

My aggressive, bipolar partner.

replies: 3

My partner of thirty years is not normally aggressive, but every now and then he gets a bee in his bonnet about someone, or something. Currently it is our new neighbours. They used to be noisy, but have changed. Today he thought he heard one of them wolf whistle him as an insult. Normally I can talk him out of saying anything, but this afternoon he walked out of the room while I was working, and "confronted" the wife of our neighbour. I rushed over, and got him home. She's fine, but it's really like dealing with two people. One says it won't happen again, three seconds later it's "if they do anything to me....." We're not due at the psychiatrist for another week. Is there anyway I can get through to Mr Angry?

Tell me it gets better

replies: 11

Hi there, I've been with my husband for nearly 20years, married for nearly 8years. Long story short my husband has always been up and down with his moods, has been a spontaneous spender, has been a big drinker, and had an addictive personality. After things getting really really bad earlier this year, he finally got referred to a psychiatrist who has initially diagnosed him with bi-polar. But he had been previously put on two types of drugs to help with his back injury that have in turn been making his bi-polar symptoms worse. So it has taken a month or so to get off one of these anti-depressant meds before steps can be taken to treat the actual bi-polar. During this time his moods are even more up and down, and now he has come off the anti-depressants he has more emotion back - including frustration and anger. He has a short fuse at the moment so it feels like it is just another issue to add to the long list. Almost every day I am in tears from despair of what to do and how to help him, from financial stress due to me having to work three jobs (while looking after 3 children under the age of 7) due to him either not being able to work, or not being able to invoice the work he does (he is self-employed), from trying to come to terms that I am not going to have the married and family life I had always thought I would - the list goes on and on. I feel so overwhelmed by it all - and am really scared that even once he starts getting treatment for the bi-polar, that things are not going to get much better. Do I want to leave and try to provide my children a more stable upbringing? Do I leave now and do this? I really don't want to - I love my husband (whoever he is now) and I know the children love their dad (when he is well), I just am really struggling as to what the future holds. I don't think I can cope if it stays like this. So, for those that have been with their spouse or defacto etc before being diagnosed and then also after. Does it get better? Will our life ever be like a 'normal' happy family? Thanks for reading

Husband recently diagnosed with depression. I'm struggling.

replies: 1

Hi guys I'm new here. I just need to vent to people who may understand my situation. Just in the last week I have had my life flipped upside down and shaken. My husband has been diagnosed with depression. Leading up to the diagnosis he was pulling away from me, barely sleeping, Spending a lot of time alone, Thinking. He told me he wasn't happy when he was at home with me and our son. He said he felt like a stranger in our home. And he was happier when he was on his own. So the week unraveled pretty rapidly. In a matter of days he was sleeping on the lounge-to going to his father to stay for a few days, told me he wasn't I love with me anymore and then I found messages to another woman- all the time he was spending alone, he was actually confiding in a female work college he barely knows. At first when I asked him to see a doctor he refused but eventually decided to go and he was diagnosed with depression. He is now taking antidepressants and sleeping tablets. And is back at work. We are living together but separately so he can still see our son everyday. He seems to be ok for the most part (Better then he was a week ago). But I am falling apart. I'm struggling not having him as my husband. The no affection. The loneliness. He has told me he wants to give the medication and counseling a chance to work before he decides anything about us but he has told me he wants things to go back to the way they were a few weeks/months ago. Then he has also told me at the moment he doesn't want to be 'husband and wife'. I just don't know how to help him get back to that. I desperately miss him. But don't want to push him away any further. my need to 'help him' takes over. I know my approach has been all wrong but I just feel so helpless, panicked. I don't know what to do from here.

Partner with depression

replies: 1

My partner of 14 years has pretty severe depression right now. Having been through it myself I'm doing my best to help. But tonight I feel like its at its worst. He's gotten angry with me for having friends that I talk to when he doesn't (or doesn't think) he has any friends, and it's made me feel like I have to stop talking with my friends to make him happy. All he seems to do all is go to work, have dinner, go to bed, got to work. We don't sleep together anymore because his snoring is horrendous and I have severe insomnia. On the weekends he spends most of it asleep. He's also had a lot of time off work because he's so tired he can't get out of bed or he just feels sick. He goes to the doctor regularly and they keep increasing his meds but nothing seems to be helping. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Anxious and depressed boyfriend, please help

replies: 9

Hi everyone, first time poster here. My boyfriend of 18months suffers from depression and severe social anxiety. This was diagnosed about a year ago. He has been up and down since, gone through 2 jobs. At the start of this year we decided to move to a new town with my family for a fresh start. He started at a new job and 2 weeks ago was sick for a day.... he hasnt gone back. Last week he had 5 heavy panic attacks lasting over an hour each time, numb body the lot. Since this the worry and panic is always there. He tells me he wants to get up and go to work but he cant because he wont fight his fears. Basically I am seeking some reassurance, good stories, tips to help him. At this point I feel like I am somewhat babying him to much, but im scared if i give the tough love approach it could end badly. Thanks everyone

I need help with my partner's Depression

replies: 2

My partner has depression and has had it way before I met him.He doesn't want to communicate with me and never wants to do anything.He has know motivation.He is on medication but it doesn't seem to help him.We are are currently having time apart because he wants his space.He said that he feels alone and doesn't know where he is going in his life. He disappeared last week for 5 hours as he has a problem with gambling his money away.Im not sure if this is a trigger from been depressed or just an addiction.I do worry about him and it's hard for me to cope with and I try to help and be there for him.but I can't if he keeps pushing me away. I am sure if he had the right medication it might take the edge off.He is on antidepressants and has been off and on for years. But I can't see any change. Do you think if he some other kind of medication it would help him. He was having counseling which I think helped, but it wasn't really for him it was for us.He thought we needed help.but I think he honestly needs it.Please help me cope with this.Dont know what to do here.

My husband has become emotionally detached since taking medication.

replies: 3

I noticed my husband change several weeks ago. He used to be very loving towards me but has become cold and detached. I thought he was having an affair but found out he started taking medication back in May. He didn't discuss this with me and I can't believe how much his personality has changed since. Example, he would always give me cards with lengthy sentiments regarding our relationship. I just had a birthday and for the first time in 25 years, he didn't even get me a card. He didn't acknowledge our 20th Wedding Anniversary either and when I cried in front of him he had no empathy whatsoever, he told me he didn't feel like celebrating it and walked away. Of course he may simply have decided he no longer cares for me but I cannot believe how out of character his behaviour is since starting this medication. I feel like he has just checked out of our marriage but I am thinking the medciation has made him like this or is it just a coincidence? When I tried to talk to him rationally, he says he feels nothing and is just numb. He said he has been suffering from anxiety which I know is caused by stress at work. I really don't want this to end but I can't bear this to be our future. Any advice would be appreciated....

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Partner looking for advice to help replies: 3

At breaking point.. replies: 2

Partner with severe anxiety replies: 5

My aggressive, bipolar partner. replies: 3

Tell me it gets better replies: 11

Husband recently diagnosed with depression. I'm struggling. replies: 1

Partner with depression replies: 1

Anxious and depressed boyfriend, please help replies: 9

I need help with my partner's Depression replies: 2

My husband has become emotionally detached since taking medication. replies: 3