How do i help my daughter long distance ???

[Mamma_Mar]

My daughter has been diagnosed with anxiety she is visiting from Brisbane and has had two attacks , i do not know how to help her. She leaves in two days and i feel so helpless. My concern is how do i help her long distance.???

[white knight]

Hi mamma, welcome

My 28yo daughter has anxiety and lives 3 hours away. She's fortunate that I coquered anxiety myself over a 25 year period. I also have bipolar and depression.

I have been able to help her after she dropped her stubborn attitude.

Eg recently she woke up at 9:15am on a Saturday morning. She was shaking then crying not knowing why. I asked her when she normally has breakfast and she replied "7:15am".

So she also had little to eat the evening before. So she was hungry and that was likely the physical download of that. I told her that a routine in everything she does is important...shopping in crowds to restrict it to one hour, accept that life has hurdles and to expect them, to identify triggers and so on.

So the bedt method to help your daughter is for you to gain much knowledge and pass it on or refer it. Often a suffeter will remain static with finding solutions...keep on her to keep taking baby steps to cure because anxiety is curable. If it isnt attacked it can form into depression which is more serious.

Below are many threads to help you, there are thousands on this site. You can even pass them onto your daughter. If you please you can just read the first post of each thread.

Use google

Topic: anxiety, how I eliminated it- beyondblue

Topic: the balance of your life- beyondblue

Topic: accepting yourself the frog and the scorpio- beyondblue

Topic: meditation- words of wisdom- it helped me for 25 years- beyondblue

Topic: running around trying to save the world- beyondblue

Topic: seeking the origins of anxiety- beyondblue

Topic: MELTDOWN- back to basics- beyondblue

Topic: know your limits- beyondblue

Topic: anxiety?...plan your future- beyondblue

Topic: supermarket shelves- beyondblue

Topic: what life can be like at the end of the tunnel- beyondblue

Topic: depression triggers- beyondblue

Topic: the best praise you'll ever get- beyondblue

Thats a lot of reading but you'll both benefit. You must be a wonderful mother to care so much.

Post anytime.

Tony WK

[geoff]

hello Mamma, I wonder whether she is missing someone back home, perhaps a partner she has been going out with that could be causing these attacks, so I wonder if she has said anything to you that could precipitate these anxiety attacks, or perhaps she hasn't said anything which makes it much harder to know why.
If the two of you are close then just ask a couple of questions, but try not to go overboard because then she will close up, however this is not going to solve the question you have asked.
If she doesn't open up then you are going to get anxious yourself, because of the worry, so then there isn't much you can do unfortunately, except to keep in contact with her.
However if you do know something then we can approach this on a different angle, so this is important so we can then help you.
You can tell your daughter to get help from her doctor and then psychologist, but you can't be sure that it's actually happening.
Please let us know. Geoff.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Mamma Mar,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for your post.

Anxiety attacks can be very distressing so it's important that your daughter has some help where she is; I agree that a psychologist would be helpful in teaching her different techniques on how to handle them. Maybe if she's not seeing one already this might be something you can encourage her to do.

In terms of being long-distance things such as checking in and keeping things light-hearted can help. Anxiety can be all consuming but it doesn't have to be. It's important to show concern but remain calm; if she's having a panic attack on the phone just a calm voice can often be enough.

Are you familiar with anxiety and what to do if she was to have a anxiety attack when she visits? Learning about how anxiety works in the body can help - as this way you can understand that no matter what she's feeling (pain in the chest, muscle tension, heart racing) - it's not dangerous and it is only temporary.

Finally, I'm not sure of her general support network - if she has friends nearby, but if she is feeling isolated and does want to connect more maybe it might be introducing Skype or Facetime to help you both feel closer. Ask her what she wants and how you can best support her; often people just know what they need.

[Mamma_Mar]

Thank you so much for replying, i do not know a lot about how to reply to these sites so forgive me i hope i am doing it right.

i took my daughter to a nature-path 2 days later. also said diet was a big contributing factor in how she was feeling.

i dont know how to send those links for my daughter to read but her older sister will be here tomorrow and said she would show me how this all works.

take care and be happy.

[Mamma_Mar]

Good Evening Geoff , I hope this gets to you , i am not that savey with the technology . I think you may be right about her partner ,I feel he took her away to break the connection between her and her family . In one of her break downs when she was here , she told me that he said that her sister's ( from a different father ) are no good . weird as for the last 5 years they have worked together and hung out. it just seems so weird that people can be like this. I took her to nature path and of course all the foods we love are no good for us so i rang the boyfriend on speaker phone with my husband to ask him to support her with her diet , he said he would , but now my daughter avoids my phone calls for the last 4days . which indicates to me he is not supporting her. Not sure what to do. Hope you had a good easter.

Mumma Mar

[Mamma_Mar]

Thank you so much for your advise , it is much appreciated

[geoff]

hello Mamma Mar, thanks for your reply, but I have a feeling that her b/friend has put his foot down, didn't really want to be told about supporting her diet, and may have said things to her so that she won't answer the phone, I hope this isn't the situation, as there maybe a logical answer why she doesn't or perhaps he may have left.
I'm sorry and I really hope that I am incorrect by saying this. Geoff.

[Mamma_Mar]

Morning Geoff, yes i too feel something is going on with the boyfriend and have made plans to spend four days with her over the next long weekend, hopefully i can get some insight into what is happening.We let you know my opinion then , have a great week

[geoff]

hello Mamma, thanks and it would be good to know what happens. Geoff.