Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Frustrated with husband

replies: 2

My hubby was diagnosed with severe depression 4 years ago, he saw his dr regularly for 2 and 1/2 years. He is on a combination of meds for it, but for the last year is just randomly taking them how he thinks he should take them cause they make him drowsy. He does this for a few days but when he gets what he calls a zappy head starts taking them correctly. I am at my wits end as he thinks he is acting normally but his behaviour is all over the place, his concentration is gone too and as he drives nights it gets dangerous. Not sure what to do anymore. He said he is going back to dr, but only to get medication adjusted, but dr said last time he wanted him to take as prescribed so he can then tweak them properly, how can I get hubby to understand and actually do this. Not sure I can do this much longer with him.

Supporting 22 year old with depression for 8 plus years

replies: 6

Hi , I 'm hoping I might be able to pick up some helpful hints to assist our beautiful Since the age of fourteen she has been struggling with , what has most recently been diagnosed as atypical depression . Amazingly she finished high school with good marks. She is currently enrolled in a university course (part time distance) that started this year, but previously has dropped out of full time studies twice . Since leaving school , she also held down a full time job for18 months. My husband and I are very supportive of her , but wonder if she is ever going to get better and be able to stand on her own two feet . She lives with us, and we support her financially and in every other way we can , but she's just not living life as she should be . The main way her illness manifests is through a lack of motivation and energy. Sometimes she barely moves from the couch or bed all day. A lot of the time she appears to have the best of intentions , but just can't bring herself to see things through . She constantly complains that she feels tired. Over the years we have explored a number of options. We live in regional Queensland where a psychiatrist appointment is a two to three month wait. She is onto her third psychiatrist . While the last two have been okay , she really likes this one. She has tried over the years a half a dozen or so medications, but none of them have really brought the improvement we are hoping for . At one stage we pursued naturopath visits, and at the moment I am reading a lot about the gut and it's relationship to depression; wondering if there is some other undying contributing factor, although she has had full bloods done on at least a couple of occasions. When she was about 8 she had a bad accident where she had total parental nutrition (fed intravenously ) and I read that this can lead to a lack of biotin which can lead to depression etc , but then think blood tests would have picked this up . We try to keep her diet pretty healthy , but she has an appetite for junk food . She was meant to attend a psychologist but only went for one visit . She has been told that exercise is good for her , but doesn't do it . Generally she is a lovely girl and we get along with her well, but at the moment , I have a bit more time and am pursuing what else I may be able to do to assist her . I try not to push her too much , as she can be stubborn . I only push her on things I deem really important. Any suggestions would be appreciated .

Panic attack help

replies: 2

I posted a few days ago regarding my partner who suffers with severe anxiety and depression. Last night we had a great chat about how he was going to give work a go today as he hasnt been for 3 weeks. As soon as his alarm went off he started panicing and had a mid range attack, we have figured out ways to calm him slowly so we did that and he is now sleeping. My question is how can we get him to work, he really wants to go and when he doesnt he feels like sh*t which then makes him feel more depressed. Has anybody got stories of how they overcame this ? We have gone through similar times in the past but this time its been 3 weeks and im unsure whether he will loose his job, if he does I know it will just make him feel worse. Thank you

Unsure of what to do next.

replies: 4

Hi Everyone, I'm not overly good at writing things down, so bear with me. I am currently the primary carer for my fiance who is struggling through a combination of emetophobia (fear of vomit/vomitting), anxiety, depression and mild agoraphobia. This all began two years ago when a suspected bad reaction to a birth control pill resulted in a prolonged period of random nausea and vomiting. After stopping the pill under her doctors advice the nausea remained, being compounded by her fear of vomiting. This resulted in her constantly being anxious that she will get nauseous at all times. The constant fear of getting sick has added extra fears of doing things she could easily do before, such as driving and going shopping due to her getting randomly nauseous doing these things in the past. After about 6 months of this nausea and plenty of doctors visits yielding no answers about the cause she started to become very depressed. At this time her doctor prescribed her medication and drew up a mental health plan. The medication had a violent negative reaction to her system and she was taken off it after two days, and the psychologist she saw refused treatment without medication. It took 6 more months of encouragement to help encourage her to try again with a different psychologist and medication. This time she tried different medication and got along with the new psychologist. Around her 4th psychologist visit she was referred to a psychiatrist to re-evaluate her medication since she had been prescribed a "blanket anti-anxiety medication" and needed something more specialized. As much as I would like to say this went well, it didn't, she was brushed off by the psychiatrist who reported an "all clear" back to her gp and due to financial difficulties we have been unable to continue psychology. Through this whole process I have been researching everything I can about anxiety, depression and emetophobia in an effort to support her through this as best as I can. I've taught myself everything from massage to guided grounding techniques. Lately these things have started to feel less effective and it's seeming like, despite both of our best efforts, she has been going backwards lately. I know that our next step is to resume psychology with and try again to have her medication re-evaluated. But in the mean time, does anybody know anything else we might be able to try in order to help her move forward because I'm really feeling like I'm bashing my head against a wall at times.

Supporting my adult son with severe depression & alcohol abuse

replies: 2

My beautiful 27 year old son has been battling depression for about 8 years - has seen therapists, been on medication, improved for a while but never full remission. Then he started drinking - to cope or to forget or pretend to be happy & normal. Lots of awful nights spent looking for him, when very intoxicated he has tried to self-harm. He has been in & out of employment, fractured relationships with his brother & sister. In and out of living at home - I felt by allowing him to stay at home and by cleaning him up after episodes of binge drinking etc - that I was enabling this destructive behaviour. He moved out over 12 months ago - the drinking and depression have continued to get worse and I feel guilty that my 'tough love' may have contributed to this. He has ew friends except those who are also heavy drinkers. My husband is chronically ill & unable to work so I am financially supporting us. My 'friends' don't seem to know how to help me with both sick husband and son so many just don't contact me which really hurts. Finally, out of the blue, my son asked for help just over one week ago and has been in a detox & rehab service for 7 days. I know this is just the beginning but am hoping that finally, he will begin to understand why he has been so self-destructive, why he hates himself so much and that his life can be so much better, healthier and happier. I find it difficult to sleep, as worrying about him has been going on for so long. Nightmares about his attempts. But I remain hopeful, I have to as I love him dearly. Thanks for listening. Helga T

Wife has BiPolar 2, I don't know why she's always tearing me down. She seems ok with everyone else.

replies: 1

? im just so confused, one minute we're battling together to get ahead. We've just got on top of everything and bamb It's just like a train wreck. I'm just in shock and have been for about 4 months now. People say it will get better but it keeps getting worse. I'm not been given fair and equal access to my 6 year old daughter and when I do occasionally it's a weekend and she goes out partying and she's on heavy medications. It just doesn't seem morally right. I'm working hard and getting limited visitation. There are no court orders in place yet so it should be fair but it's not. I can see my daughter being taken away from me.???

Partner not coping with 5 month old

replies: 3

Hi, I'm not sure what to do, my partner is having a very hard time coping with our 5 month old. She seems to be depressed, claims the house is a prison and that it's not fair because I get to go to work. Previously diagnosed with postnatal depression but had been cleared of it but I believe she still has it. Due to our 5 month old crying (screaming in her eyes) she has it in her head that our baby has autism. I'm starting to find it harder and harder to deal with as she does not want to believe she has depression and that everything else is the problem. Any advised is greatly appreciated.

Trying to Understand and want to help

replies: 4

I'm needing help, advice and really just to know this has happened to other people. My middle aged brother was diagnosed with social anxiety some years ago but has had a serious relapse almost 12 months ago. In that time we have organised professional help for him (as well as being there for him ourselves) which he starts but than completely shuts down. He has to be also depressed?? He sleeps most of the day gets up starts drinking then goes to bed....repeat.... I don't know what our next step is as he refuses to go to appointments and won't even leave the house. I can't remember the last time he went beyond the house and yard. I want to help him but I don't know how to now and I'm finding it more difficult to talk to him as I am starting to get so angry with the whole situation. I love him to bits but I'm just so frustrated. Has anyone else been through this and what did you do?

I still love my husband...not sure if this is a mental health condition or not..but his behavour is strange

replies: 5

My husband and I were married 18 years(we are still legally married We have known each other 21 years. He was my best friend..even though he is not with me I still love him very much (unconditionally) We went through a lot together - grief, infertility, losing a baby, some major tragedies (whereby my husband lost members of his family,his father and brother(two separate incidents(both made the news)..Then some members of his family went to prison... My husband did get some counselling and things seemed to improve but maybe not. He just left me one day(disappeared) but came back after two weeks. We had our normal ups and downs but overall loved each other and were best friends. After my mum died, my husband literally walked out on me(abandoned me) without me knowing. It came as a huge shock. He then told me(after I called him on the mobile) that he needed to fulfill his dreams. He has morals as we are both christians and in our faith adhere to them..(infidelity is not something we would practice or want to do). Not saying we are perfect but I knew how my husband took our vows seriously. After he walked out on me, he changed. He went overseas to meet his online gf(I had NO idea) and he was planning on marrying her. We were still married. He joined facebook and added lots of random friends. He has never been overseas before but went overseas to meet virtually a stranger and befriended her family starightaway. He said that her family loved him. As a young person my husband had a herion addiction but got over all that and was clean for decades. Now he drinks alcohol. He lived in a car for a little while (in a car park) we have a lovely home but he didn't want to come back. He blamed me for everything and has obviously lied to numerous people about me...people and family no longer talk to me. He fell in love with this other country and is so obsessed with it. From geographical landmarks, to food, culture, furniture. He blames me for everything yet, when we were together, would send "I love you" text messages everyday. One week he wants to buy land and grow vegetables and then on other weeks he wants to live overseas in this country. He is obsessed with this country, geo. landmarks, food, furniture, women, transport, food, etc. He has given up meat pies for their food. He now lives in a very exclusive area of Sydney when only last year he was living in a car.It's like he has lost insight.Is this mental health condition.His mum is mentallyill

Am I fighting a losing battle

replies: 2

So I have never written on here but desperately need advice. Hubby of 21 yrs has been diagnosed with depression anxiety and ptsd, for the last 12 months he has become distant and pushing me away physically and emotionally. He works away so that doesn't help. He is very flat and has a change in personality. He has been through a lot in his life and never dealt with any of it, it's now crushing him. It's hard to watch what is happening to him and us. He has started medication two months ago and has seen a physiologist four times but it's hard as he's away a lot. He now focused on problems with our marriage ( I thought we have a great one we never even argue) and how his feelings have changed and I'm better off without him. He hasn't even talked about all his lose and trauma just making it about us. I am fighting to hold it together he is the love of my life what do I do my heart is breaking

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Frustrated with husband replies: 2

Supporting 22 year old with depression for 8 plus years replies: 6

Panic attack help replies: 2

Unsure of what to do next. replies: 4

Supporting my adult son with severe depression & alcohol abuse replies: 2

Wife has BiPolar 2, I don't know why she's always tearing me down. She seems ok with everyone else. replies: 1

Partner not coping with 5 month old replies: 3

Trying to Understand and want to help replies: 4

I still love my husband...not sure if this is a mental health condition or not..but his behavour is strange replies: 5

Am I fighting a losing battle replies: 2