Going through the last 12 years of worry with my now 27 year old daughter Emma

[nic29]

Hi all, I am brand new in these forums and after reading a few posts, it sounds like a very helpful friendly place to get some help/feedback. I am a loving caring mother to my only child Emma who was an angel of a child growing up. My husband and I didnt have any problems with her until she reached 15 and started hanging around the naughty/rebellious kids at school. This is also the time where I noticed she started losing self esteem and became a little withdrawn.

I did everything I could at the time to keep an eye on her but she plodded along and told me she was always ok. She started becoming defensive with me a few years later when she started going out with her friends and told me I was too over protective and to let her live her life. This is where she started to get herself into trouble with the type of people she was hanging around. From age 18, she started staying over at these friends places. These friends were all jobless, in trouble with the law and to be honest, all losers. She just seemed to be attracted to these types of people as she told me they were down to earth and didnt judge her.

To cut a long story short, Emma has had 3 long term boyfriends in the last 9 years and they were all losers. She would never bring them home and we met her 2nd boyfriend only twice so we hardly saw her while she was with him for 2 years (from age 19 to 21). Even know she lived around the corner from us.

They split up finally and she seemed to get her life back on track for the next 8 months until she met Josh. Within 1 week, she had moved into his place and again the same pattern, we just didn't see her. This guy is the worst person she has met as within 2 months of being with him, he robbed our house, stole my husbands tools and she forgave him 😞 He has been in and out of jobs all his life, he continues to steal, even from his own family and has cheated on her. They have been together 3 yrs now and have a 12 month old child, (my beautiful grandson).

She recently left him as she was sick of the lies,plus they were homeless due to him not paying rent, so she was living with us back at home. It was such a relief to have my daughter and my grandson back in our lives finally knowing they were safe. This lasted for 5 weeks, he kept messaging her and telling her he's going to change and she believes him. They have nowhere to live and she's telling me to mind my own business when I plead with her not to go back. We are at our wits end 😞

[Fairywings]

Hello there lovely mummy and welcome. I'm now 37 a mother of beautiful little boy who has just turned 4 just a few weeks ago . At your daughters young age of just 15, I to was behaving in the exact manner. I always wanted to feel accepted hang around the cool kids bc the didn't judge and were down to earth - I was just drawn to the rebellious type even in men I have always looked for a bad boy so to speak made life more interesting, so I thought. I am a youthworker so back then I had this constant urge of saving people it wasn't until I got older that I realised not everybody can be saved they have to face the demons on their own and the light will eventually come their way again. In the meantime just know your daughter will find her way back to you I have i'm now 37 and my mother is helping me with my little one who has autism. During my earlier years I hated her for a very long time I broke her heart many times over coz I just wouldn't listen and thought the life I was living with the cook kids was much better than the guidance my mother was giving me. It is only now that I am a mother myself that I have become aware of the words she used to speak to me when I was just 15years of age. Sorry my rebellious days started much younger for me I was just 10 and getting myself into all sorts of trouble this lasted 7years as I was learning to deal with the sexual abuse I had become a victim of. These days I can say I am now a survivor and proud of myself because I kept fighting I didn't give up. My now hubby was a bit of lost soul like me so we just clicked he was a bit of a bad boy too. I would wag school just to go see him he would come get on his pushbike and take me home we would hang out at the nearby park until it was time for me to go home. We dated for 8mths and then he left me. In this time he too got himself in trouble with the law and all sorts of other trouble, Cut the story short I am now married to him and after all the pain we have gone thru it has only made us stronger as a couple and as parents. I know it's hard watching her go through this as mothers we are always going to be there for our kids and especially that she is your only child will grief stricken you with worry each night. Rest assured I know she is doing it tough but she will eventually find her way into the light again. It took me more than 20years, but eventually I got there. The mistakes I made were learning experiences and she will eventually do the same he heart will guide her.

[Fairywings]

I rang out of room :). and she will see the light it may take her some time though and very difficult for you guys as parents to watch. I will advise you to give Youth Support Advocacy Service a call they are an organisation who do outreach, youth projects is another depending on your location these are Melbourne based organisations, Melbourne City Mission might also be able to guide you as per your location, Frontyard is another one, the fact that they are homeless and have a young child, It's a very awkward situation to be in. Please let me know the outcome I am keen to hear what the outcome is please do keep in touch Regards Venessa.

[Fairywings]

Oh and Youth Projects they do outreach in the streets of Melbourne too

[nic29]

Thank you so so much Venessa, your reply helped me massively. I will definitely take your advice and keep you up to date with what's happening. I'm so glad I come here, thank you again. Nic x

[Fairywings]

your very welcome hunny that is what we are here for 🙂 look forward to hearing from you xx