My teen child

[aleska]

Hi everyone,

I have a 14 year old son...In past couple of months he start to change a lot as all teens...and that's normal...what I don't find normal is his opsesion about the school...constant studing and if he got less then 80% on test for him that's failure. Me and husband keep telling him that for us count all efforts that he putting in school and that we don't care about his marks but he doesn't listen. Like last night,he found out that today he have a test and becauae he didn't have enough time to pripare himself he start to cray and panic and shake....We tray to calm him down teling him that everything is gona be ok and that he have right to do that test bed but he didn't listen. ..this morning he send me a msg from school that everyone are preperd for test exept him...Don'tknow what to do...does anyone had same experience? Think that he need serious help but don't know where to start?please help me because the only thing that matters is to have a helthy and happy chind...

[Ken1]

Hi Aleska,

It's really great that you've decided to reach out about this. It sounds like your son is really struggling and is showing symptoms in line with anxiety. School stress and pressure can be a common trigger for this, but doesn't necessarily mean that it's the root cause for his behaviour.

It's wonderful that you're supporting him as much as you are! That already is so helpful for someone struggling with expectations and panic. It also seems like he might be open to confiding in you, but he's probably scared of what it is too.

I would see if you can talk to him about it - tell him what you've been noticing and that you support him no matter what, and ask him if he's been struggling and what with. That may then prompt you to see if he would be comfortable seeing a counsellor or psychologist - someone that can help him totally change his thinking so that the panic stops! No matter what the fight is to get help, it's so worth it at the end.

The most important thing is that it's not ignored.

Let us know how you go! Your son is lucky to have such incredible parents.

Bonnie

[startingnew]

Hi Aleska

your such supportive parents and that is so wonderful to see !!

school is putting pressure on kids these days as well, i felt and did the same thing. constanlty studying and all the things your sons doing too. i find when you get into high school everything is you have to do good at this so you can get good results on your ATAR and HSC so you can get into uni and have abetter chance at getting apprecticeships and things

i would really encourage him to get out and still do the things hes loves to do as well otherwise he will burn himself out. so maybe try talking to him about it and asking what is it that he would like to achieve with all this study? what is his future plans?

[PatT]

Hi Aleska,

Does his school have a counsellor he could potentially speak to (or that you could speak to)? If you think his anxiety over academic perfection is having a negative impact on him it might require some outside intervention for him to see differently. What are his responses when you tell him you and your husband don't care about grades? Also, have you thought about the possibility that it's just a phase? That massive influx of hormones is sure to screw around a kids' brain chemistry for a while and who knows what may be going on in his head currently.

Apart from studying, what does he do? Does he play sports? Video games? Is he stopping hanging out with friends? If so could you try and gently push him in the direction of stuff outside of school work? Maybe he simply sees his outer world closing and he's putting all of himself into his academic life. Who knows though...puberty is a strange demon.