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Sophie_M Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?
  • replies: 2

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents... View more

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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Cat_C Husband very depressed and won't seek help
  • replies: 11

My husband was diagnosed with depression a year ago and was put on meds by a GP. He saw a counsellor for a little while then she told him she felt he was doing well and to come back if he needed to. A couple of months ago he began taking himself off ... View more

My husband was diagnosed with depression a year ago and was put on meds by a GP. He saw a counsellor for a little while then she told him she felt he was doing well and to come back if he needed to. A couple of months ago he began taking himself off the meds, saying they weren't working. Since then he's gotten worse and worse. He quit his job and has been looking for another but unable to find one. He thinks if he gets another job this will all go away. He really is trying to pull himself out of the hole he's in, and he asks me to help him. I try my hardest. I organise social stuff, I ask him to do exercise and meditation with me, I've made it clear I want to listen to his thoughts and fears, I love him and I want to help. But none of that works, and because it's not working, he maintains that I'm not trying at all. He asks me how I can be here watching him so distressed and do nothing. I feel terrible, because I can't think how else to help. He never tells me what he wants me to do, because if he knew what I should do, he wouldn't need my help. I can't defend myself ever, at all, because he sees that as insulting. I've read everything i could find, many threads here, I've suggested everything I could think of but nothing works, or is even acknowledged as effort. At the moment he won't even be in the same room with me because he feels I don't care, am doing nothing, and he doesn't even know me. I'm worried he's going to throw our marriage away because he feels unsupported. I've tried to get him to see a psychiatrist, and he went to get a referral (for me) but then had a number of arguments with me abut how it was unfair of me to make him do something that might be more damaging (he feels his last encounter with professionals did more harm than good). I can actually understand that, and can see why he'd be worried about going on meds again considering the withdrawal was bad for him. I've also suffered from an eating disorder and anxiety and I've found psychologists to be a mixed bag, with about 2 out of 5 actually moving me forward - but I feel this is common and you need to find the right one for you, i don't blame the profession. If anyone has any ideas of what I can do to help him while not giving him ultimatums about what I think he needs to do, I'd be really grateful. I also want to show him I care and that I'm really trying, which he sees as selfish and about me and preserving my self-esteem, but if that's true then i guess i am selfish.

tbourke Upset and down about my relationship with my gf.
  • replies: 9

I have been with my girl friend for over 4 years now. She has been diagnosed and medicated with depression 2 years ago but has had it since 16 she feels. She is 23 and I am 29. She recently been getting worse. More regular melt downs drinking heavily... View more

I have been with my girl friend for over 4 years now. She has been diagnosed and medicated with depression 2 years ago but has had it since 16 she feels. She is 23 and I am 29. She recently been getting worse. More regular melt downs drinking heavily and alone, and also not working on her self. She is with the TRIAGE team and see's a therapist/Psychologist fortnightly since February (10 visits at a cheap rate). I know since she has told me that her therapist/Psychologist has told my GF to look at getting some hobbies to fill in her days. (She is not working and stays at home while her parents are working alone and watches movies, she also wants to work but feels she needs to work on her depression first before she looks for work) The Psychologist has also told her to get into drawing classes since she loves to draw and also some things that me and my GF can do to enjoy ourselves. She has not done anything about that and that upsets me. I have noticed and this is why I am writing on this forum that she is getting worse. I know depression can be 1 step forward 2 steps back but the general feel of her well being is she is not helping herself. When I talk about these issues with her she gets really upset and we end up talking about something else. I am thinking of writing a letter? What do you suggest? I really do want me and my gf to last and I know she dose to but I don't know what to do?

trying_to_help_depressedb How to help my depressed ex-boyfriend from a distance
  • replies: 4

Hey everyone! Three months ago my ex ended our relationship after almost 3 years because of his battle with depression. This was really confusing because he told me none of this was my fault, and it left me feeling a bit helpless. Since then I've don... View more

Hey everyone! Three months ago my ex ended our relationship after almost 3 years because of his battle with depression. This was really confusing because he told me none of this was my fault, and it left me feeling a bit helpless. Since then I've done my best to keep myself in check and make sure I'm prioritising myself for the time being. As well as this, I've been studying up and trying to familiarise myself as much as I can with depression and its consequences, potential treatments and just generally how to support my ex whilst being sensitive to his struggle. Within the last month or so, he and I have communicated that we still have strong feelings for each other and he says that he hopes for and wants a future between us. However, for now - he says that he doesn't think a relationship will work because of his condition and that he just wants to be his "old self" (referring to who he identifies himself to be before this depressive episode). I've made it clear to him that I refuse to rush him or pressure him in to anything, and if the time comes that he feels ready, we will progress from there. I still love him so much and I try my best to show him support and unconditional love, without smothering, because he is so important to me and he is my favourite person in the entire world. So, with all of that being said, does anyone have any advice on how to be there for him, without putting any strains or pressures on him? For example, I like to take him to dinner and send him cute pictures of dogs that make him laugh. Things like that Thank you!

Bluebelly Drawing the line between caring for another and self care?
  • replies: 3

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for nearly a year. She is kind, supportive, playful/sassy, and so smart. We are both in our early 20s. Even when I first met her, she was already dealing with her mental health (anxiety/depression). She ... View more

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for nearly a year. She is kind, supportive, playful/sassy, and so smart. We are both in our early 20s. Even when I first met her, she was already dealing with her mental health (anxiety/depression). She is willing to acknowledge that she has a problem, but is unwilling to see doctors (mostly because of her family's attitude to mental illness) and cost of treatment, so she refuses to do anything about it. When she is sad (which is almost every day), she has moments where she becomes irrationally angry at the trivial, and at that point she lashes out at everyone who is around (which is usually me), blocks me out, won't listen to anything/anything I say makes her angrier, and (due to my own anxiety) can make me feel like I'm doing something wrong. I've learnt to let her be sometimes, but I can't always be in a good mood myself to not let it get to me. I know how important communication is in a relationship, but every time I calmly try to discuss the things that hurt me or I disliked or even could be done differently, she becomes incredibly self-degrading and blocks herself off from the world. Her usually teasing and sarcastic self becomes silent and meek. She has extremely low self esteem, and when she's in that state, she believes that she is not good enough for me/too mean/abusing me/a terrible person/etc. Instead of acknowledging the issue, she turns to self hatred, won't let me comfort her physically, and nothing I seem to say is right (usually because I genuinely am not good at saying comforting things in that situation: I'm more of a speak with my actions type of person). I also have depression/anxiety (medicated), and each time it makes me panic about the impact of all this on the relationship, even though I know it's ok. One of the most hurtful things that she has said to me at that point is that she finds it difficult to believe me when I tell her that I love her. I enjoy time spent with her (even when she is sad), but sometimes she doesn't really enjoy herself on dates/wants to leave early because she is too anxious about getting work done, and I feel like I miss out on a lot of fun shared moments I could be having. She insists we can stay if I want, but I can't have fun if she isn't. I don't want her to feel bad. I know it's not her fault. But it affects me and I need to do something. How can I set a boundary for my own well being? And how can I/should I try to urge her seek help if she refuses?

Marcsa 2nd Hospital Event- My Son
  • replies: 6

Hi all, Just sending this out to the cosmos. Not expecting much because I've done pretty as much as I can. Last Wednesday, my son I thought went to an appt with Mental Health Team (case manager). Said he would after this travel to visit and stay with... View more

Hi all, Just sending this out to the cosmos. Not expecting much because I've done pretty as much as I can. Last Wednesday, my son I thought went to an appt with Mental Health Team (case manager). Said he would after this travel to visit and stay with his gf, who lives 3-4hrs drive away. I received a phone call from case manager Thursday morning saying he had been admitted to hospital. Of course, I was in shock. I am still devastated to some degree. Case manager said he (my son) didn't want to see his family. Devastated. Sad. On the Friday morning, I spoke with a psychiatrist, who said it might be good if I would go in and we all - the Team, my son and myself - could have a talk. I suppose I felt a bit heard or listened to. There was still much to say. I was, on that morning, at the point of saying that I could no longer live with my son as he had lied to me. He has lied many times, and as a parent and living in the same house, etc etc - I just cannot take it anymore. My son is an adult and emotionally the transition to adulthood has been fraught. Perhaps as a single parent with my own crappy issues, I didn't reach the expectations of myself or my son. I feel like I am in mourning. I don't think we can ever go back. The trust is completely lost, gone and trampled. It feels pretty painful. I didn't think that a person could make me cry this much again - after the separation divorce etc. In some ways this is much worse, hope is but a vague wispy shadow.

LeanneB My son has severe anxiety and I'm not sure how to help
  • replies: 2

Hi there, For the last 12 months or so my 17 year old son has been suffering from social/generalized anxiety. He has always been a shy boy and had difficulty making new friends. I thought it was just how he was and that he would become more confident... View more

Hi there, For the last 12 months or so my 17 year old son has been suffering from social/generalized anxiety. He has always been a shy boy and had difficulty making new friends. I thought it was just how he was and that he would become more confident as he grew older. He is now in Year 11 at an all boys school and has been relatively happy at this school up until Year 9. He had a few close friends who shared his love of playing soccer and everything seemed ok. Last year during Year 10 he began not wanting to attend school and I had a call from one of his friend's Mum stating that his friend was worried about him as he wasn't himself and was spending recess and lunch standing to one side and playing on his phone instead of joining in on conversations as previously. This has since become worse and he now stays home more than he attends school. He tells me he has no friends in his classes and sits by himself and doesn't talk to anyone and of course this is causing him to be miserable. He says it is too late to change anything now and he just needs to 'get through it'. He says he wants to complete school but he doesn't attend which has become a vicious cycle of not attending, missing work, having to catch up which is causing more stress. He did see a Psychologist for most of last year although this did not seem to help him much. He will be starting with a new Psychologist shortly. Any ideas on how I can help him to attend school on a more regular basis in the meantime?

Barty174 I am scared and lost about my wifes depression
  • replies: 3

Hi peeps, This is a first for me but I am struggling. My wife of 22yrs has recently been diagnosed with moderate depression. I love her so much and I am struggling and hurting bad. I am doing my best to support and care for her. We walk 10km a day an... View more

Hi peeps, This is a first for me but I am struggling. My wife of 22yrs has recently been diagnosed with moderate depression. I love her so much and I am struggling and hurting bad. I am doing my best to support and care for her. We walk 10km a day and I try to open up to her but she never opens up to me. She says shes "numb inside". When I hug her and tell her I love her there is nothing.. She feels nothing.. She has a good friend network and lots of support amd lots of love pouring in, but me, nothing..I pray everyday for a glimmer of love, a spark to occur but I am struggling so much. I feel alone in this. I dont want to loose my wife. I have always pictured us 80 with heaps of grandkids.. Will she ever love me again? I am so sad trying to hold it all together and be strong including seeing my own psych for help.. Unfortunately I have realised I am only human. A lost lonely one at that... What can I do? Will she ever come back to me?

Nala Partner with depression and eating disorder.
  • replies: 1

Hello, my boyfriend and I have been together for about two years now, we live together and have recently become a new auntie and uncle. I have always noticed that my partner gets down sometimes, sometimes napping for long periods during the day, but ... View more

Hello, my boyfriend and I have been together for about two years now, we live together and have recently become a new auntie and uncle. I have always noticed that my partner gets down sometimes, sometimes napping for long periods during the day, but it was nothing to raise any major concern. I did recognise that he may be suffering a slight depression, however he absolutely did not want to talk about it, so I kind of just let it go. Last night he confided in me that he has been battling depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder since he was 16 years old. It came absolutely out of nowhere and I was very shocked. My partner told me that he binge eats, and then makes himself throw up in the bathroom. We have been living together for a year, and somehow I have never noticed. He said the most recent time that he made himself vomit was last week. He is extremely fit and works as a personal trainer, and confided in me that he has a lot of issues around his body image. He also told me that when he was around 17 he used to self harm. He gets quite anxious, often overthinking a lot of things and worrying about the future, unable to remain in the present. I'm not sure if he will be willing to access help at this stage, because he has never told anybody about his depression, anxiety, eating disorder, however I feel that I can be a huge support to him, even if he is not wishing to receive professional help. Any advice would be so appreciated. I am going to try and linking into headspace, but I'm not sure if he's ready yet to talk to a professional.

Lost4words New to the Group, in support of partner....
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, I am feeling overwhelmed with the fact my husband wants me to help and support him- but when I want to see a dr about it he runs for the hills. It has only become a lot more serious lately after him telling me "he can't do this anymore" ... View more

Hi everyone, I am feeling overwhelmed with the fact my husband wants me to help and support him- but when I want to see a dr about it he runs for the hills. It has only become a lot more serious lately after him telling me "he can't do this anymore" and he thinks about doing something to himself so we will get his insurance payout etc. Which absolutely guts me and saddens me to think he is thinking to do that. I don't help the situation because a lot of the time I am speechless and don't know how to reply-I just shut down. I have to tread on eggshells around him because he does take almost everything personally and negatively. He also has a relationship with alcohol and drinks daily , easily almost 700ml bottle of spirits to escape his feeling and worries but he then is on the war path to put me down and place a lot of the blame on me. I am also feeling really tired of his verbal abuse towards me - I practically do everything -when I have been beside him for the past 13yrs. It hasn't been easy at all. I just want him to see he doesn't have to do it alone and get past the stigma. There have been times when I want to leave because the lack of respect and love hoping if he gets the help and support he needs we might have a chance. But I know this is the time he needs me the most. I need help to help him. Do I ask him to make an appointment, or do I just make it myself and just take him. Because I think he expects me do it all- since he blames me for the way he feels. Sorry for the long post.

SalClo How to help friend when in a manic phase
  • replies: 3

My very good friend has had to change medication. Result has been increased manic behaviour over six months and he will not discuss this with family, and believes his increase productivity is a bonus. He doesn't see the inappropriate comments he make... View more

My very good friend has had to change medication. Result has been increased manic behaviour over six months and he will not discuss this with family, and believes his increase productivity is a bonus. He doesn't see the inappropriate comments he makes to friends, the physical impact of limited sleep and increased alcohol consumption etc etc. Family approaches to his psychiatrist and GP have been unhelpful. What do we do now?