The rock

[The_rock_of_the_family]

My husband is depressed its been on going for a few years but the last 12mths have gotten worse. I try and help him i try and get him out of the house but he is turning into a real hermit shutting himself away and its starting to feel he is pushing myself and his children away. We have 3 children 14,13,10 but lately it just seems to be just me and the kids. I try and talk to him but nothing happens, ive tried to get him to talk to someone but he wont. I feel as i am the rock and holding this family together i feel exhausted somedays as i work, i do all the home duties plus all the after school activities.

He hasn't worked in 5 years due to a back injury but has always gone back to a job suitable... This time has been longer, about 12 mths ago he tried to self medicate and got caught up with wrong people that ended him in hospital and the mental ward for 8 weeks due to drug psychosis episode. He hasnt touched it since.... But im just concern and worried about his depression

[geoff]

hello The Rock, there are no immediate answers to why your husband is in depression, but I do know that it devastates you and the children, and everything you try to do to help him never seems to work because he's in denial, but this won't stop him to self medicate with the drug ice, it was used as a way to try and life his spirit, unfortunately it's a terrible way because it could lead onto so many other problems, but thankfully he has stopped using it.
The role as mum with three children must be so exhausting, and actually you must be feeling worn out in everything you have to do, so can I suggest that you see your doctor, because if you aren't feeling well then your role is going to be much harder.
With your husband his 8 weeks in hospital would be to dry him out and to rehabilitate him, but now he should be seeking help, and sometimes when something like this happens will change his mind and realise that he does need help.
Your situation is not going to be an easy ride for you or your husband and in particular the children who may get some help from Reachout or Al-Anon, so please get the help you need, and please get back to us. Geoff. x

[RandR]

Hello and good afternoon The rock of the family,
Can I firstly say for someone who is going through this stage with your husband and with all the responsibilities you currently manage you seem to sound quite composed and for that I take my hat off to you. I don't have the responsibilities that you do, but I can say that I have been in those moments when family and friends try to help and try to initiate getting the 'hermit crab' to be proactive. Do you mind If I ask what some of husbands hobbies and passions are? I found that when I was alone and distant from family and friends that seeing or hearing about hobbies/interests of mine got me thinking as well as moving. A prime example of that for myself has always been golf and cooking. I take into account you mentioned he had a back injury and I know exactly what that is like as I to have had a back injury two years ago through sport and I can say with great confidence that a back injury limits your movements and especially your mood when you are suffering from depression. I'm a very visual person, so photos lying around and or books of things I was genuinely interested in were a great source of inspiration when I was a hermit crab.

It sounds like your doing as much as you can (if not more) however sometimes It just takes someone going through depression to pick themselves up, like I did once upon a time. Hard to draw blood out of a stone, however, there are 'indirect' ways that you can attempt to plant positive seeds without necessarily doing that through conversation. But if he 'see's' something versus 'hears' something, it might prompt him to take a step towards getting out his shell. Pictures are always a great reminder of how great and wonderful life can be 🙂

I wish you and the collective family all the best and your patience will pay off.