How to support a16 year old with anxiety and depression about school who's current coping mechanism is finding places at school to hide.

[Andrea_Jayne]

Hello I am looking for ideas to help my beautiful 16 year 11 student who goes to a private school and does very well academically . She wants to go to university but can not cope with the ongoing harassment at school and wants to leave. She has developed symptoms of anxiety and depression.We have spoken to the school Councellor but so far I have seen no improvement in the situation. I have thought of emailing all her class teachers to let them know there is a problem but I am worried about making things worse. I am extremely sensitive about this iss as my brother pass away 3 years ago from suicide due to social pressures and never want this to happen to anyone let alone my daughter again. Any advice would be appreciated. Andrea

[Croix]

Dear Andrea~

Welcome. I have read your post and sympathize. A long time ago my child was the subject of harassment at school so I understand your concern there. Having had your brother end his life makes it seem so much more immediate and dangerous.

I guess you have three problems.

First your daughter, if suffering from anxiety and depression needs medical help, starting with a full account to your family GP, getting tests for those illnesses. Then see what eventuates.

Second your daughter needs to really feel that her parents understand, are one her side, and will not do anything to make matters worse. One way to do this is by talking to her in a non-stressful reassuring way. beyondblue has some information about this that might help you:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/have-the-conversation/talking-to-a-young-person

Thirdly the harassment at school. A problem many face. I don't have much definite to say here as your situation with your school is unknown, you are the expert on the spot.

My own inclination is to put the onus on the principal, form teacher, house teacher if applicable and any other responsible official I could find. I would do it in person, not by an email that can be ignored. I would have specific incidents to cite. I'd document with whom and when you talked.

I would stress that it is up to them to ensure this harassment stops and there is no comeback, and that if there was any I'd consider withdrawing my daughter and putting in a formal complaint to the board.

Another avenue that might bear fruit is via the parents of the other young adults involved - though this can be tricky and backfire even if you know them already.

All that is just me - your judgment will be better.

Here is a list of useful contacts for young people that may have something you or your daughter can use:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/who-does-it-affect/young-people/helpful-contacts-and-websites

I'm afraid I've no instant cure, I really hope things do get better for her - and you.

Please post back and say how things are going

Croix

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Andrea Jayne,

Thanks for your post.

Croix has given you some great advice here.

I know how difficult it can be being in high school and being bullied; so I empathise with your daughter. I have a couple of ideas to maybe consider;

- Talk to the teachers and the principal. See if they have any other options. In year 11 and 12 there are a lot of classes and courses that can be done externally (from home). She may find that spending less contact with the school can help her feel more resilient.

- Help her see a therapist. Being bullied can be difficult but therapy may help to boost her self-esteem. She is more than these bullies and whatever they say or do. The world is so much bigger than that.

- Encourage her to join other clubs/outings/communities. The more that she can surround herself with people who can boost her self-esteem the better.

- Drop high school. This is obviously quite drastic however I'm not sure of your situation or how much your daughter is struggling. I know you mentioned that your daughter wanted to go to University but High School is not the only way to do this. Many Universities offer 'foundation courses' which allow for direct entry. I'm also throwing this idea out there because High School can put a lot of pressure on students to meet the TER.