Supporting family and friends

Pinned discussions

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

•

15-07-2016

•

41 unread

All discussions

Sorted by:

Start a conversation

Hi there

replies: 3

Hi my name is Shereen and I just joined as my last resort, I have been lonely and struggling how to deal with my husband who refuse to seek help, we used to be best friends best lovers best couples he used to treat me so well and I love to pieces , for the last 12months he changed he is withdrawn he is not interested in me physically or sexually I don't feel like a women anymore, he hardly talk to me and hardly make a nice comment, he thinks I'm like his worst night mare I'm struggling to cope with it , I cry every night in my bed and I pray to god this will pass but it's not as he refuse to get help I'm falling a part I have beautiful two boys who they are our life, I'm hurting so badly emotionally but I don't want to destroy my family and I want to support my husband because I know if it was me he will be there for me. I decided to join this group tonight to seek your help and advice and I'm sorry for the long post

Advice needed ASAP

replies: 2

I have a family member struggling with mental health issues The gp and hospital are just wanting to precribe moreof her medication that just basically turns her into a zombie. She wants to be commited but her local health service are denying this and... View more

My Dad has depression

replies: 3

Hi, Kaylie here. I've joined this site to get some insights/advice from people who have been in my situation or are in my situation. I'm 18 and live at home with my Mom, Dad and little sister, going to uni on a daily basis. My family is from South Africa and we have no close family here. My Dad suffers from depression which up until now my Mom and I have been able to manage but it has been getting more difficult. He has no enthusiasm or motivation to do anything and then gets very frustrated when he "wastes a day". He is easily irritated and often looses his temper. He isn't interested in a decent conversation and lately its been a lot worse. He's not been himself for a while now, he himself has said he is in a runt, and it's causing the whole house to be unhappy. We try to make things as nice and happy as we can at home and take on the load, he works late but he often gets stressed at work and comes home ready for an agrument. I must stress he isn't violent. I know he is struggling as he mentioned but he doesn't like talkimg about himself or his feelings. We've had enought of this as we have reached our limit too, unable to improve anything. My Dad has never been medicated before that I know of but I also know he isn't the type of person who likes to take medicine, he doesn't even like the doctor. He spoke to someone years ago but said it was a waste of time and money. This goes in a cycle, happening at least once every 2 months for a week but he seems to get "stuck" in these moods more often. I know he's trying but its not working anymore. I would like some advice on how to deal with this myself and maybe how to help him? I know someone who doesn't want to be helped can't be but I love him and want what's best for him. Thank you in advance xxc

Does anyone have a partner with Bipolar disorder?

replies: 7

Hello there. I have been with my wife for 5 years now and she has had her 3rd manic episode since we have been married. This time around was quite traumatic for me so our GP has me going to a therapist, couples counseling and I am on medication. I am such a happy being with many positive outlooks on life but this anxiety thing is quite powerful. I was diagnosed with PTSD years ago but it would only come around when in large crowds and when in the passenger seat of a car with a bad driver. Haha. Now, since this episode, these feelings are heightened and sporadic. Unfortunately, my partner is now in the hospital getting treated. It is unfortunate yet a blessing for me because I can now breathe and try to become my best self for the both of us. Can anyone give suggestions on how they have handled themselves while their partner has been in the hospital? Thank you in advance and I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

My partners anxiety brought me on my own limits

replies: 4

I'm new and I'm not sure if this is the right way to go but I need help. My partner has anxiety, depression and anger issues. I struggle to keep us together and to have a normal life. I'm walking on egg shells around him as every "little" word can change his mode and he feels misunderstood. He is seeking help but I have the feeling nothing changes and everything he does is blaming others for his actions. Some days are good and some are a nightmare. I try to understand whats going on and try to help him but i'm not a psychologist or doctor. I struggle badly but don't want to give up the person I love "just because I can't handle it". I red all the "look after yourself and listen" advises but i still go to bed and feel "put down". He is spinning "stories" in his head around which never happened the way he describes it. All this brought me to a break down this year and I had to move out to get distance between us. I'm a very strong person but I have my limits. I don't know what to do anymore and how to get the man back I felt in love with.

Husband struggling with anxiety

replies: 3

Hi, my husband has struggled with anxiety for years but recently it's got a lot worse. He is seeing a counsellor which is great and on those days and shortly afterwards he seems much better. When he goes to work though he just can't cope and often has to leave in a panic. I don't know how to help him. I worry that the anxiety will get worse as he sees himself as struggling to work - he's a perfectionist- and his lack of focus is adding to his worries and already low self esteem. I tell him he's wonderful all the time - because he is - but I know he doesn't see himself in a positive light at all. What can I do to boost his confidence, stop him worrying about the work thing, and just give himself time? Any advice is welcome from those who have been through this. Thanks.

Need help with my little sister

replies: 3

Hey I don't really know what to say here or even how to explain. I'm 17 myself and I think my younger 15 year old sister is suffering with either depression or anger issues. My mum and dad both don't know what too do and we are all coming to the end of what we can deal with, we love and want to help her but she screams that she hates us all and is pushing us all away, she often becomes violent and screams and leaves the room if she doesn't get her way. I've tried talking to her too see if something is wrong and if she wants help but she refuses. She's skipping school and isolating herself. I know it just seems like an extreme case of teenage rebellion or undisciplined parenting but this has been going on for several monotheism now and we are just a normal family with rules about skipping school as any other which she refuses to listen too locking herself in her room and screaming and crying if we try to convince her too. Nothing is wrong at school, she has a nice group of friends and she's smart when she tries. She's on a downward spiral and I don't know what to do. Is there someone we can call or take her too even if she doesn't want help? Please I just want my sister back

Partner struggling with depression.

replies: 4

Hi, Hoping someone can give me some advice My "partner" is struggling with depression pretty badly. We've recently broken up because of it, he believes he can't be with me until he can give me the life I deserve. I'm doing everything that I can to be really supportive, we still talk everyday and are in each others lives a lot still, I've let him know how much I love him and that I'm not going anywhere and that he can always speak to me and he's said he appreciates it. Problem is that I'm the only person he has spoken to about it, he won't tell any of his family or friends and the one time he told his doctor the doctor told him it would go away on its own and since then he has refused to go back, he doesn't want to talk to someone about it and refuses all kinds of help. It's been goin on for about five months, and I can tell that he's slowly getting worse, at the beginning he knew that he loved me and he still had some emotion, now he has not outward emotions at all, he has completely closed off all sort of emotion that may hurt him. Now he goes out every night and has asked me to move out of our house while he figured himself out. I'm really struggling to be supportive when he's completely blocked himself off. I don't know what advice I can give to him that will help. He's hoping that going out all the time will do it but I'm not so sure. At the beginning he thought that it was because he was struggling with money, he had gained some weight, he lost his friends and was feeling lonely and that I had not been affectionate enough at the time. Now he is in the headspace that just says oh well to everything and he's stopped trying to work on those things What do I do here? I'd like to help him get better and help our relationship get back together again. Thank you.

Helping a friend

replies: 6

Hi all - this is my first post here, and I am so glad that I have stumbled across this forum. I am trying to support a friend who says he's been diagnosed with depression. Let me start by saying that I have had depression myself (episodic), lived with a partner with depression PTSD, etc, and supported my daughter with her depression and anxiety - I am not a complete stranger to it. But my friend's depression has me stumped. The reason is that I don't believe he is depressed, or that everyone he feels is due to his depression. Sorry to sound so harsh. He is on very mild anti depressants prescribed by his GP for what he calls a "fuzzy head" - but he isn't seeing a psychologist. He often sends me these worrying messages "I am off work today, just couldn't get out of bed" etc - and then we message back and forth as I try and support him. He says things like "I don't know what's wrong with me - I am trying to figure it out" - - - and on and on it goes. Then I find out that he had a late night the previous two nights! so he's probably just tired!! I feel like he's wearing his depression like a badge of honour, and seems to be employing attention seeking behaviour - creating drama etc. Everyone gets tired, and people with depression do as well, but it's not necessary to carry on about it. He seems so reluctant to do any of the basic things a person with mild depression should, i.e. exercise, get our of your own head, avoid self indulgent behaviour. He is wearing me out and I don't feel like I am being very supportive, but I am so frustrated. He lives interstate, so messaging/phone calls are the only ways we can interact. Bottom line, is I feel he is disrespecting me and my friendship, and people who have depression. I am a single mum, with a hugely busy and stressful life, and am running out of energy to help him! Ideas?

I need ideas for finding myself again

replies: 2

7 years ago my husband sufferred a burst brain aneurism, he bled during the ensuing operation and now has an acquired brain injury. His short term memory is virtually nonexistent and he refuses to write things down to help himself. His visual memory is perfect so once he writes things down he retains the information. He is in complete denial which means I am constantly having to pick up the pieces when he forgets things. He asks me inane questions again and again and cannot accomplish the simplest tasks without a plan. I am a trained psychologist who can see what he is capable of but the frustration I feel when he wont listen to how he can help himself drives me insane. I am very depressed and anxious and feel very isolated. I keep on trying to find activities for myself but I have got to the stage that I dont want to do anything which I know is bad. I am so resentful that my days are spent either in silence ignoring him or in tears. What can I do to help myself get a life back. I have been to many counsellors who dont really understand the problem and have tried taking antidepressants which just dull my brain. Can anyone help?

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Hi there replies: 3

Advice needed ASAP replies: 2

My Dad has depression replies: 3

Does anyone have a partner with Bipolar disorder? replies: 7

My partners anxiety brought me on my own limits replies: 4

Husband struggling with anxiety replies: 3

Need help with my little sister replies: 3

Partner struggling with depression. replies: 4

Helping a friend replies: 6

I need ideas for finding myself again replies: 2