Newbie - husband with mental illness & marijuana use

[Wonder_Wife]

I'm new here but hope by reaching out via this forum might help.

I've been married for 8 years and my husband has always smoked marijuana since way before we met. I didn't have a problem with it socially but he smoked more days than not. He has been the stay at home dad for the past 18 months while I work full time. We agreed on this arrangement to save on childcare. But I always wanted him to return to work once our children went to school which they now are.

He has always been controlling and emotionally abusive. About 8 months ago we had a blow up and he started preaching ❤️. But he also started spending time watching lots of shows online about higher beings etc. and believes he has found ancient techniques from which he will transform into a lighter being.

3 weeks ago I took him to the hospital hoping I could get them to prove to him that he was imagining it and to cut a long story short he is now under a Community Order and on medication.

He is furious with the situation and still believes in his abilities and the higher beings. But he is also refusing to stop smoking, angry at me for not supporting his beliefs and continually threatening to leave me and the children. And I harbour thoughts this might be the best thing for us all. But I also worry as he has no one else. And I want to help him get better. But I'm not sure even if we get the mental illness under control whether he will always just be a controlling emotionally abusive man that I am better to leave now with my young children.

[beingbyrne]

I can only tell you what I would do.

I would set very strong boundaries, starting with the marijuana use. Being on medication and smoking marijuana is a very bad mix. It's possible that the long term use of marijuana is the cause of his mental illness in the first place. He will never get better while smoking. I would leave him if doesn't stop.

I hope this helped.

[blondguy]

Hello Wonder Wife

Welcome and good on you for having the courage to post too

I am an optimist by nature even with some anxiety and depression that I have been through since 1983. I have studied mental illness whilst working in my career.

The forums are judgement free and you will not be judged here by anyone WW. There are many gentle people that can be here for you. I am a volunteer that has been here since Jan 2016 and here to provide support through my experience

You are in a situation that requires some careful thought....for your well being and your children's.

I hope you can get your GP and let her/him know what you have mentioned above re your husband....Just so you can get a health professional's opinion....and hopefully some caring as well...for you which will then benefit your children of course.

If your husband is still furious with the situation and still believes in his abilities and higher beings he is in a bad place that may take some time to heal.

The health of you and your children is paramount right now. Im sorry but any other considerations are secondary

Cannabis is also more potent than it was in the 'hippy' years of the 1960's. It is grown hydroponically now which increases its psychotropic properties (It is more concentrated thus has a greater effect)

There is also Cannabis Induced Schizophrenia which occurs when people have a predisposition to a mental illness

We arent health professionals here Wonder Wife but please do actively seek some expert advice from your doctor just to provide you with some qualified counsel as well as peace of mind....asap please

You can always 'be there' to care and visit him during his treatment which is a very noble and loving gesture.

Im sorry if I havent been much of a help tonight Wonder Wife.

You and your childrens well being is crucial where priorities are concerned.

Please post back when convenient.....you are not alone here in any way

my kind thoughts for you and your children

Paul

[geoff]

hello Wonder Wife, a good reply from Paul and he makes so many good points for you to consider.
Whether he believes he will transform into a lighter being is certainly a contentious point he has to justify, but smoking pot is not going to make it any easier, and perhaps make it even worse.
You can only help him when he wants to help himself, otherwise, it's only a waste of time for you to even try, simply because he may become abusive, believing that he knows better than you do.
If he keeps on smoking weed nothing is going to change, I'm sure that's what your doctor will tell you, plus are you sure he is taking his medication, sometimes I doubt it, as he believes he is becoming a 'lighter being', in other words he knows what is best.
I have to be honest and do believe that you should take care of yourself as well as your children and leave, imagine if one of your kids started to think like he does, that would horrify you, talk to your doctor and see if you are able to be put on the mental health plan, where you can get 10 free visits to see a psych.
If your children are also worried then raise this point with your doctor as well.
Please let us know how you gert on. Geoff.

[Starwolf]

Hi Wonder Wife,

Unfortunately, your husband didn't choose to seek assistance. You say he is furious about the situation. Which means he feels he has been forced into it. He is obviously not ready to acknowledge there is a problem that needs fixing. Expecting his cooperation sounds unrealistic at this point in time.

We all react differently to different things. Long-term pot smoking can induce psychosis in those with a predisposition. And Paul is right, the hydroponic kind is no longer the "soft" drug cannabis used to be. As long as the decision to recover doesn't come from him, there's little hope of improvement. Even if you set strict rules, he will find ways of evading them and become even more resentful.

The fact that he is controlling and abusive is a separate issue...even if smoking dope doesn't help. There's never an excuse for abusive behaviour. It is unacceptable and leaves deep emotional scars on its victims.

No one can be held responsible for another adult. Please take good care of yourself, your future, your children's future and well being. What you choose to do is your decision only. All we can offer is a neutral perspective. It will take some soul searching. Writing down your thoughts, feelings and concerns often helps clarifying them to ourselves. Counseling would also benefit. Struggling alone takes too heavy a toll.

You are doing a tough job...Wonder Wife indeed. Please keep in mind that Wonder Woman may be attractive but she is fictional. You need and deserve all the support you can get at this difficult time.