Hi All,
My long term partner recently broke up with me after his counsellor suggested he wasn't going to be able to heal his depression until his life became much simpler.
My partner is 40 and I am 28, throughout our relationship we have been incredibly co dependent (him more so than me). He has suffered from depression all of his life and describes this period as the worst one yet (it's been 2months)
The counsellor suggested that he create 'space' in his life, space to get better and tackle the depression once and for all. I was devastated that our relationship became collateral damage but I truly love and adore him and want to help in any way to create an environment for him to heal.
Since the break up (only a week ago) I have seen him once, he dropped some of my things around and invited me back to his place for a coffee. We then snuggled and kissed, made love and communicated that while this is not a 'want' it is a 'need'. He said one of his biggest driving forces to getting better is so that he can have me back in his life, so that we may have a future together again.
He says that he can't imagine me not being in his life and that he loves me so so much.
During his last visit, he sat awkwardly in front of me and said 'can I ask you a question?' At first I was afraid of what he was going to ask but said yes, hesitantly.
He then asked (in a really awkward and almost child like way) 'I was just wondering if you'd like to spend the night with me on Sunday' (it was currently Thursday)
To which i replied 'I would love to'
He said it was hard for him not to ask me to spend every night with him at the moment and that he was forcing himself to create space from me.
I desperately want to be a part of his healing and to reap the rewards of a nourishing relationship with him at the end, but Im scared.
I must admit, In the past, I tend to take the easy option and run from my problems... and selfishly I am temped. What if I wait, show support and after all that turmoil - he doesn't want me?
I'm confused as we technically 'broke up' but when we are together we wrap each other up and exist in a world of intimacy that we are both equally hungry for.
not sure what he is wanting or trying to achieve and I'm equally unsure as to what I should do - this is very very hard - the uncertainty, the fear, the void.
We dont FEEL over, my heart still belongs to him and I truly love and adore him. Could this be temporary? Should I have faith and wait?
Thanks x
