Too much thought not enough typing.

[HappyGilroy]

Good morning BB,

I've known of this site for a while and even made a few donations however I've avoided using it myself because I thought I'd be strong enough to work my own issues out. Sucks being wrong 😊.

Here goes.

It's now 2am, approximately 4 hours before I'm expected at work. I've had no sleep and I'm sitting up trying to devise a plan in order to help my partner with her Condition. I've tried so many options so far with little result.

I've always been an anxious person myself, analyzing every detail and coming up with multiple scenarios, trying to decide. To me it seems even a simple task like buying a new pair of socks is impossible at times and I end up shying away because the color isn't quite right or for some other stupid reason like the stitching is offset. They're socks ! Why does this matter ?

When my partner talks to me about her condition my mind starts cycling, asking questions like what can I do ? what isn't she telling me ? is she deliberately trying to push me away ? Is there another man ? 

I've read online articles on her condition, they all say that my thoughts and emotions are how people usually feel when dealing with people who have partners suffering from the condition but I am still left with no better idea of how to help, I know the answer is right in front of me but it feels like you have to push a 20 tonne stone off to accept it.

Most articles will tell me that in order to help your partner/friend/loved one, you must first look after yourself, exercise, eat healthy, sleep. I know they're right, but it seems every time I find myself in a good place my partner will fall into the abyss. We used to joke about how it seemed like an emotional see saw, one of us will be down and the other will pull the other out of it before falling into the pit for themselves. Someone must have had a pretty messed up sense of humor to build that playground into our DNA.

well it appears I have almost torn through my 2500 characters and haven't even scratched the surface or bought a packet of chips for the snack table. I guess all I'm really here for is to find anyone I can relate to and hopefully gain some understanding of how I can deal with my partners condition. If I can figure out a way to understand her behavior at least maybe I can work on my own wellbeing and then aim more focus towards supporting her

Thank you for taking the time to read my rant

Now to go back and rewrite so I can ensure it makes sense, then off to buy new socks

[geoff]

dear Gilroy, what you are asking is what most partners/spouses ask themselves how can I help her, when you really don't know what she is actually suffering from, and secondly, am I able to help her but how, especially when I don't feel the best anyway.
You have to understand that trying to overcome depression, if this is what we are talking about, is really impossible to do by yourself, sure you can solve those little surface problems, but those deep down annoying concerns are so difficult to even try to solve by yourself, only because we don't want to or we don't know of what they are which is the major problems facing us, and don't forget that these can change on a daily basis, confusing us even further.
It can be true that there are times when you are able to put all your resources into helping her and pull her out of her depression, but that takes an enormous effort and once she feels better then bang, you fall into the pit, and pretend that all is 'fine', but it's not.
You can help her but not by yourself, because you too are vulnerable yourself, and please I mean no harm in saying that, but she needs help from a psychologist, because as you know that her moods will alter from day to day so this is exhausting for you to try and find the middle ground where she feels settled.
I also believe that to buy your socks without any hesitation, it maybe good for you to get help as well, because buying any socks is just like trying to understand what your partner is going through.
There are plenty of facts on this site, but click on 'Get Support' and scroll down to 'Information Resources' and order the printed material, which is free, but you will learn so much by reading it. Geoff.

[HappyGilroy]

Thanks for responding Geoff. You're absolutely right in what you've mentioned.

After speaking with my partner about it we've both agreed that the two of us can't fight the issue by ourselves. We've made an appointment to speak with a GP on Monday about developing a mental health plan, I've also spoke with people at work to ensure I have support and understanding on the work front. I already feel some weight lifted from my shoulders.

With having said we have hit another speed hump today. I don't believe my partner is an alcoholic however I do feel she depends on it when things get hard, I won't go into the details of how alcohol changes her behavior but I will say it clashes with her meds.

She gets into a state where she feels the only thing that can calm her emotions or numb feeling is to drink. When she feels this way, there is little I can do to deter her. I've already said (when she was reasonable) that my help is only heard when you're (my partner) are sober and because of the pain you cause, I can't be in the house. It sounds like a horrible thing to save but I've been trying to get through to her for a while.

So I guess my question is. If she decides to go for the drink, should I tag along to support and keep her safe. Follow through on my threat or something else ?

she's currently cleaning the house so I'm desperately hoping she'll tire herself out and want to fall asleep afterwards

any advice would be appreciated