Supporting somebody who lost best friend

AnnabelLee · ‎01-11-2018

Hello everyone.
When i first found this forum i wanted to post my story straight away asking for advice. But then as i read couple of similar posts it started to getting to me that there is no answer really. As somebody said in one post, there is no ‘manual’. So why am i writing here really? I dont really know. Maybe i wanna just get it off the chest, maybe i want people who may understand me and relate to me to read it. They say ‘problem shared is problem halved’. So let me jump to my story.
Somebody close to me lost his best friend around 8 weeks ago in tragic circumstances (got shot to death) To add to that around 2 months prior to that he lost his beloved dog. That was kind if dog that was with him when he had episode of depression earlier this year. That dog battled cancer this year ( that was partially reason if that depression) When his dog was dying he said that ‘he cant live without her (dog)’ and that he will kill himself if something happens to her. So we basically can say within few weeks he lost his 2 best friends. After his dog died he wasnt really doing well, withdrawing himself, he actually had to move back to parents as couldnt stand living at his place without his dog. Now back to his friends death. After that happened he completely cut himself off. Then he told me what happened. Since then we only exchanged few messages. Last time he responded was 3 weeks ago and told me that he doesnt want anyone close to him these days. When he explained me what happened he said that he feels nothing matters, loving and caring doesnt matter anymore, that he sees future as blank space. And when his dog died he told me that after what happened he was afraid of getting attached to me (because of pain of losing).
So now after losing his friend i guess he is sinking into depression. So its not only grief hes dealing with but depression. As probably that loss opened so unhealed wounds from the past. Without going into too many details i can say he was different from other kids at school. And because of that he was bullied and beaten. He lost few friends back then because of that. So i can see and i guess that feeling of losing is coming again to surface.
And because of the circumstances of his friend death he may be struggling with PTSD as well. So i dont really know what im majorly dealing with here. Grief, depression, PTSD, anxiety? Mix of all? Thank you for reading. Feels better to be able to share it with people who may understand and can relate.

smallwolf · ‎06-12-2018

AnnabelLee,

I was just looking at posts last night, and yours appeared on the first page. Just lucky I guess.

I am a little confused by a statement in your last posts. A one point you said that he wants to be alone, and in your last post he is living his life perfectly happily. I know that last part in your head, but these sound a little contradictory? Has he really moved on?

Your first post here was in Nov, and maybe he is has not gotten over what happened yet. That is not your fault. I know from your previous posts that you care very much for him. And you can only do so much for the other person.

As far as reaching out, do you know any of his friends to find out how is really going? Or perhaps invite him out for coffee/lunch?

You might also want to look at the thread on the grounding and mindfulness to help you deal with whatever stresses you have in your life at the moment. Do you want to chat about the housing matter?

Hope to hear from your again. Peace and blessings,

Tim

AnnabelLee · ‎01-01-2019

Hello

I came to wish everyone Happy New Year.

Im not coming here as dwelling in this issue doesn’t make me feel good.

Im doing fine recently. Feel like finally im finding my life path. Im happiest ever recently. Im getting to love and appreciate myself. I see that it all must have happened and even though it hurts to not have him with me im thankful that it happened this way. I changed so, so much for past few weeks.

Still i will always love him and im waiting here for him. I strongly believe that he will return one day.

Wish you all the best 2019. Hope you all find your happiness.