Supporting my partner properly for the first time

Sez93 · ‎28-02-2017

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 2 years. We are very happy together and wouldn't want each other any other way. During our relationship I've struggled with anxiety and depression during my studies and he was my rock, he always seemed to have his head together and I sure as hell didn't! But recently he's been so depressed because of work abd physical health and problems with my parents (they don't exactly approve of him) and i want to be there for him and support him 100%. How do I do that?

geoff · ‎28-02-2017

hello, when your b/friend has been supporting you then that's good, but with depression it can be transferred from one person to another, no different than PND, why, well he puts so much effort into helping you using all of his energy that eventually he will crash, especially when he is trying to be friendly with your parents who are rejecting him in some way.
He feels as though your parents should like him because he has helped you with your anxiety and depression and can't work out why they dislike him.
His work can always be potentially a reason why he or anyone else can become depressed, whether he is being picked on, or whether he has lost his job, so there are many other reasons why this could happen, but you have to try and convince him that he needs to go and see his doctor.
I wonder why your parents don't particularly like him, but that's up to you whether or not you want to tell us. Geoff.

Sez93 · ‎01-03-2017

Hi Geoff. Thanks for the reply, the main reason he has been down lately is because of his job, he hates it and is looking for a new one asap, ever since we've been together he has been figuring out what he wants to do in life; he's seriously considering the police force, or studying to get an apprenticeship or something similar and I think he's frustrated. It was a few months ago now when I was studying but now I have my job which I've been stressing about, but I've been focusing completely on him, because II understand how that feels. If I've diverted him or made it all about me I feel so guilty. It's more my dad then my mum, but they are the they type of people who think my bf should have a proper job earning 80 grand a year, who never swears, only stays over at weekends because otherwise that would be inappropriate. But their main issue with him is that he has a mild form of epilepsy, and that worries them about our saftey. I love my mum and dad but over my bf it's causing friction between us and we are moving in together as soon as we can because it's a bit of a poisonous environment. All I want for him is to be happy. Neither of us has ever been happier than we've been together and we love each other, so I'm going to do my best to help and support him.

Sez93 · ‎01-03-2017

Also Geoff, sorry I hope you don't mind this other reply it's just so great to have someone to talk to properly about it, there is the matter of his epilepsy which is the main issue at the moment. Since he was 18, he has had grand mal seizures brought on my severe sleep deprivation. He is a lucky case; he is permitted to drive a car, he doesn't take medication for it, as long as he has a healthy diet and a good & regular sleeping pattern he should be alright. But with that comes a price; he can't get up very early in the morning, which is why he would struggle with 9-5 job hours. He works in retail, which does late morning/late night shifts. I think that limitation is also what is getting him down and what could be a deal breaker for jobs such as a police officer. We have talked a lot to doctors about treatment plans for the future, and one he is interested in is marijuana oil. What he has never wanted is to be tied to medication for life, but has realised that it may become avoidable; he would become a risk to his own and others safety. I just want himto be safe, the seizures scare me to death. Every time I think this is it, I'm going to lose him. I love him so much and he is my world . But whatever he decides I will support him.

Em888 · ‎05-03-2017

Hey sez93,

I just wanted to offer some thoughts on helping your partner through his rough patch. I think everyone has different ways of communicating and values different actions. I have been the main support person for my partner of 7 years through a really challenging time for him physically and emotionally. I have tried to be responsive and present with what he needs in the moment. Whether it's getting our for a drive, talking about something to distract him or just hearing him out. Staying in tune with his needs is really important.

Also, on the career front, both my partner and I live by unusual and self created timetables. Maybe see if you can find some ppl who don't do the 9-5 who can inspire your bf about making a different path that suits him. For example owning your own business isn't the easiest path but it means you can work life the way you want to.

All the best

Em

Sez93 · ‎08-03-2017

Hi Em, thank you so much for your advice, I definitely will take it all on board. I know millions of people all over the worl are supporting people they love but most of the time you don't know what the hell to do so thank you,

Kind wishes,

Sez

geoff · ‎08-03-2017

hello Sez, thanks for your reply but what does concern me is his grand mal epilepsy, which is what I also have, and hope that I never have another fit, because what it does to me is put me into a time slot where I don't know where I am, what my name is, what time it is, or even who our PM is, plus it takes me several days to overcome it, the main problem is that if I wasn't taking medication then it's quite possible I could have a fit at anytime, without any warning, especially when driving my car.
It would be great for the two of you to live together, however if he needs to be on anti-epileptic medication he may not have to keep taking it it's just for his safety. Geoff. x

Puppies · ‎22-03-2017

Hi Sez,

I have similar issues with supporting my partner. We're long distance, which is difficult because when he shuts down, he ignores or blocks my messages, so I have no way of contacting him or understanding how he feels. If you every find a way of support that suits you and your boyfriend, then please share because I'm honestly stuck. I feel very anxious when I'm shut out because we've been together almost 3 years now and the distance never gets easier.

I wish you luck with supporting your boyfriend and I hope it all works out for you.

Puppies x