Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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How do I support my daughter through depression & social anxiety

replies: 5

My 17yr old daughter suffers from depression & social anxiety, she is constantly talking to me about how she has no friends & her boyfriend that has asked for a break because she is negative about everything. When I offer helpful suggestions all I get is an excuse or negative feedback. She has told me straight out that she thinks what she is going through is our fault & I've been dead inside since she said it. I just don't know how to help her, if I suggest ways of getting out there to meet people eg. going to gym with me, I'm seen as picking on her weight. Doesn't matter what I do or say there's always a negative comeback.

Being a parent to an adult with depression and anxiety

replies: 12

Hi All, I don't want to take up this forum with my stuff when I recognise the benefit of all those using it to help themselves living with the BD. I just need to ask questions occasionally to ensure I am doing the right thing by my daughter. She is 20 and has D and A. She had a full time job but said it really played with her head and she was having meltdowns before and during work time. It didn't seem to be helping her so I agreed she should leave. During her unemployment she would spend hours in her room watching stuff online, the house would not be touched and it was annoying everyone who worked and came home to nothing done all day. My husband and I support her financially as we both work. That is fine but I feel like this added to her depression, the trap being needing to ask for money yet not being able to find work. Recently she has had a Xmas casual job and is going OK but is feeling like she is struggling some days to remember what she should be doing. She goes on and off her meds and over the last year has been inconsistent, therefore it is hard to know what works and doesn't. She likes her GP but also is inconsistent with her psych appointments. I guess I see all this as symptoms of the illness and I am reluctant to push her to be consistent with her meds and appointments for fear that may place more pressure on her. The housework also annoys me and if I bring it up she descends into tears and is upset, saying she can't help it. What is my best approach here. Those with similar issues may be able to help me.

Going round in circles

replies: 4

I'm the mum of a 19 year old with probable bi polar. 5 years ago went through a marriage breakup and he has suffered ever since. Managed to get him to headspace after 2 years but he won't take prescribed medication , says it does nothing and most of the time refused to go. It's been nearly a year since his last appointment and he also refuses to go to his job service provider. Basically he is on the computer all night asleep all day. He is mostly down,with rare ups. A so called friend recently hid his computer mouse and his reaction scared me enough to start me crying which affected him to tears. So I would love suggestions how do I get him help. The home doctor service said they can't help. Centrelink says without a medical certificate they don't recognise the depression. I'm going round in circles. Please help....

Can't take any more

replies: 3

I have been with my partner for 17 years and living together for 13 years, he has been diagnosed with chronic depression for the past 7 years. Most of this time he has been on medication with a couple of periods he tried to go off meds without success. He currently has gone off meds as he is "sick of taking tablets" and the medication didn't seem effective. He has a history of moderate to heavy drinking and since he stopped drinking (3 months ago) his anger issues have increased and he just loses it really quickly. This is putting a huge strain on our relationship and home life, since he stopped drinking about 3 months ago the meds have seemed totally useless. His GP wants to change to another medication but my partner wants to go it alone. This of course has an enormous effect on both our lives and I don't think I can take it anymore, I am ready to leave. I feel that I have lost my identity as all our energy is taken up with his depression and narcissism. He is totally focussed on himself and seems oblivious to my feelings, when I try and talk he just says he's tired that's all and will not discuss his depression. I am sooo lonely in this relationship, I do most things alone now and he doesn't seem to want to do anything with me, we may arrange something but it rarely works out, I am ready to leave. We have had counselling several times but he doesn't usually find it helpful and just doesn't like to have to be told what to do. It seems hopeless to me at the moment and I am filled with resentment and anger at the years I have lost and time I have given to this disease. I would appreciate any comments or advice

My husband has depression and we have 3 little children. I'm struggling.

replies: 6

Hi, I'm new to this community. I'm looking for some advice on our situation. I've been married to my husband for 8 yrs. he's always suffered from depression and I finally got him to go on meds a few yrs ago and recently he's finally agreed to see a phsychologist. We have three beautiful children and one of them is autistic. I have recently also been diagnosed with depression despite never having any markers for it in my life until now. I believe this has happened because I have been consumed by my husbands depression over the years. I feel like I have totally lost my husband and the person he used to be, I care for his needs as much as possible as well as our autistic son and other two sons, I honestly am at breaking point. My husband is a constant yo yo of emotions and our children don't know whether he's Arthur or Martha! They don't have much of a relationship with him and especially our autistic son who is very senstive to his mood swings so he has shut himself off to his father to the point were he will not even say good night to him. My husband is devastated by it and I've tried and tried to talk to him about why but just shuts down himself. He is taking meds but also is an alcoholic and recreational drugs and also a smoker. I have been hurt so many times emotionally as he takes it out on me mostly and I do know it's the depression and I'm his safe person, but now it's to the point of that I just can't do it anymore and I see my children's faces when he's on a massive downer and they literally are walking on egg shells. I over compensate for them to try and shield them. This week he told me he said to his phsychologist that he feels like he doesn't even want to be with any of us anymore. finances are very tight for us atm and it stresses him out. I'm at the point now where I have been hurt so many times I'm now numb to him and am so unhappy and stress about my children and what they are exposed too with regards to his downers and temper. I don't know what to do. I love him dearly but he's has slowly just pushed me further and further away. I'm sad and hate the cycle of ups and downs and it's had a serious impact on me and our marriage. Our marriage is in major trouble and I honestly don't know how to get back. I have always supported him and what he needs by trying to keep things calm at home and organised and making sure his appointments are booked and be his therapist when he needs me.

How do I help my Partner who is Helping me??

replies: 2

He knew when we got together i had bipolar and has been amazingly supportive from day 1. I am very aware when my illness starts to take hold and immediately act to get any extra support i need. But, obviously i still have my moments, days or weeks. I am concerned about the affect my illness is now having on him. He has a lot on his plate as well and i feel he is now starting to get depressed. So for those who are also a support person or carer who has begun to take on the depression of the person they are caring for, how can i help him?? I am able to help him while keeping my health a priority, but i don't know how i can help him. It has only just begun but i want to jump on this before he gets any worse.

How to get boyfriend with depression to open up

replies: 1

Hi everyone, My boyfriend has depression and I am really proud with the efforts he has gone to to get help from his doctor. He takes his medication every day and after 2 months his moods are a lot more stable. There have still been a few periods where his depression have taken control and its in these times that I want to help but its hard getting him to open up. He will always appreciate a big cuddle from me during these time but doesn't like to talk to me about it. I can completely understand that and know I wont be able to solve his problems but I want do want him to be able to tell me how he's feeling because I know for myself and have heard from others, that it's a good release to talk to people close to you. I also want him to be able to talk to me because I want to try and encourage him to go back to the GP to evaluate his treatment plan particulary because he's still experiencing these grey periods. So my question is, how do I get him to talk to me about this stuff? Does anyone have any useful tips or is it just time? Thanks, Leah

Relatives after brain surgery - personality change, anger, depression and anxiety

replies: 5

My brother has had some tumours removed from his brain and is sort of fine physically but we are experiencing a different boy than before, angry, anxious, depressed. I think he is quite scared too. He is very rigid. The nurses deserve a bravery award. As a five year old when the same thing happened with my dad I asked the doctor if I could unplug the machine. He said, no. Has anyone got some advice more constructive then my question to the doctor back then? My brother is quite difficult to be around at the moment. Dad is not much better as he is thinking about his own head.

Need urgent help with adult son.

replies: 6

My son is 37 years old, has his own business, has a series of failed relationships and is continually depressed. He is addicted to alcohol, smoking, weed, a prescription drug and Facebook yet manages to live an almost "normal" life. He was brought up in a peaceful, loving home and given every opportunity in life to succeed yet he chooses to live in squalor. How can a person who grew up with highly motivated people and enjoyed the fruits of their labour be so completely unmotivated? How can a person change from a normal 16 year old boy to someone I can barely recognize? How can a person become so utterly lazy? How can a person be less thankful for what has been done for them? He does not take care of himself any more. My wife excuses everything he does by saying that he is ill, that he is sick, that he is suffering from depression. I have done everything in my power to accept her diagnosis but even if I do, it doesn’t make it any easier for me to cope with the situation. He is a source of constant friction between us. What should I do? Stay with him every day and live his life for him? Make him rich over-night by giving everything I have saved for retirement? Physically drag him to doctors and counselors yet again? Walk away and not come back? Show up every three months and work my guts out to restore everything back to “normal?” Today I walked into his house an hour ago. I have been working with him and helping him and cleaning up for a week. He had been “asleep” for 16 hours and had cats in with him. The house was full of their crap and stunk. He barely stirred when I asked if he was alive. I had to leave – I could not cope. I have no answers? I have no-one who can help. Any suggestions?

Lost twin

replies: 5

My twin brother has battled mental illness for a long time, we had quite a rough childhood with parents abusing drugs and alcohol or just not really there. We were mainly looked after by our older sister. Kicked out of home at 15. We are now 29, and living in different states. I went home recently for the first time in a couple years and he has gotten much worse, I fear he has schizophrenia but he refuses to see a medical preofessional. He says they won't understand what's going on in his head. He hears voices and chuckles at absurd things, like a raindrop or a bird, tells me crazy things such as my dog is controlling me and putting bad thoughts in my head. He was just in his own little world even after not seeing me for 2 years. Barely any questions about me or my life. This really hurt as we are really close, but it just seems he is so caught up in his own head. I did try to talk to him about it, I told him I missed the old person, and that I am so scared and worried about him, that his actions aren't like him. I said I would help him to get help and support him the whole way. It's hard as I live 3000km away. He can't hold down a job, has wasted what little money he had on musical instruments he can't play, and lost his car. He is living on very little and gotten so skinny, after bills has $20 to last for food for 2 weeks. He spends his time writing things on scraps of paper, or trying to grow seeds in the fridge. I really want to help him but I don't even know where to start, I feel terrible as we are twins and I'm ok, and he is not. I'm so damn worried he is going to commit suicide, he has promised me he won't.

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

How do I support my daughter through depression & social anxiety replies: 5

Being a parent to an adult with depression and anxiety replies: 12

Going round in circles replies: 4

Can't take any more replies: 3

My husband has depression and we have 3 little children. I'm struggling. replies: 6

How do I help my Partner who is Helping me?? replies: 2

How to get boyfriend with depression to open up replies: 1

Relatives after brain surgery - personality change, anger, depression and anxiety replies: 5

Need urgent help with adult son. replies: 6

Lost twin replies: 5