Can't take any more

[Katey_A1]

I have been with my partner for 17 years and living together for 13 years, he has been diagnosed with chronic depression for the past 7 years. Most of this time he has been on medication with a couple of periods he tried to go off meds without success. He currently has gone off meds as he is "sick of taking tablets" and the medication didn't seem effective. He has a history of moderate to heavy drinking and since he stopped drinking (3 months ago) his anger issues have increased and he just loses it really quickly. This is putting a huge strain on our relationship and home life, since he stopped drinking about 3 months ago the meds have seemed totally useless. His GP wants to change to another medication but my partner wants to go it alone. This of course has an enormous effect on both our lives and I don't think I can take it anymore, I am ready to leave. I feel that I have lost my identity as all our energy is taken up with his depression and narcissism. He is totally focussed on himself and seems oblivious to my feelings, when I try and talk he just says he's tired that's all and will not discuss his depression. I am sooo lonely in this relationship, I do most things alone now and he doesn't seem to want to do anything with me, we may arrange something but it rarely works out, I am ready to leave. We have had counselling several times but he doesn't usually find it helpful and just doesn't like to have to be told what to do. It seems hopeless to me at the moment and I am filled with resentment and anger at the years I have lost and time I have given to this disease. I would appreciate any comments or advice

[Like_a_diamond]

I am so sorry to hear Katey, this struggle has affected you both so much.

I believe you deserve every bit of your precious life to be lived in joy. If your partner/husband will no longer discuss things - this is something he needs to work on by himself.

Theough my experience - i have given my husband plenty of 'outs' - no judgement - leave, as it is not fair - you didnt sign up for this. My husband stays because I never give up on working on myself. I have my bad days though - I will snap etc - I always apologize. And I have hope 🙂 I chase that light at the end of the tunnel and have been at the other end enough times to know it will be ok.

I think if you can't talk with your husband without being shut down, write a heartfelt letter to him. On how you feel, how this affects you, and how this is an 'us' type team effort and what you want in your life. I would give a reply date, either a letter or talk/dinner....maybe somewhere ourside the home - somewhere like near a lake etc. An open honest conversation between two people who obviously deeply care and love one another, but going through an extraordinary difficult time/period.

❤

[RobbieP]

Good Afternoon Katey,

Welcone to the forum.

Im very sorry to hear what is happening, it must be very very tough for you, I can tell you from first hand what's it's like since I was in his shoes.

I have a fiancée and suffering from PTSD and depression, during my phases, I tend to disregard everything around me and it's not fair on my fiancée or my family, but for me I need to do it by myself no one can make me feel better, cause only I know what to do.

If he doesn't want help and is being negative he needs to try be more positive and he needs to that for you! It must be really hard to cope when you try very hard with no outcome. My fiancée and I have discussion at least once every month to discuss how I feel and what we both need to do, to get through it together, most of the time I need alone time which she accepts, my advice for you is to try sit him down and discuss his feeling and research what his condition is so you can develop a greater understanding, at the end of the day you need to be happy and not waste any time of your unhappy.

I hope I have helped some what, there is alot of people here if you ever need support including myself. One more point is you need to try stay relaxed and try not be fraustrated at him as I found really flares my depression and makes me worthless.

Take care katey 🙂

[Katey_A1]

Thank you Likea Diamond. It's really helpful to hear from someone who is or has been living through this hell. A bit of a strong word I know but I can't think of anything else that describes depression because it's always there, never completely goes away and ruins lives or takes them. Some useful strategies too, it looks like you have grown a lot through your journey and thanks for sharing 💓