Supporting family and friends

Pinned discussions

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 2

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

•

15-07-2016

•

41 unread

All discussions

Sorted by:

Start a discussion

Is it a purposeful harmful choice, or the result of having bipolar disorder?

replies: 3

Hi Everyone, (I think I'm in the right thread, if not, please help me to the right one). Pretty much, a now ex-friend of mine has type 2 bipolar disorder & I suppose my question/query was how much does bipolar disorder have an effect on peoples actions/their choices? This friend of mine has done terrible things to me in the past few months; like sleep with my boyfriend, write either passive-aggressive or straight up aggressive notes on my fridge (we WERE roommates), she had been spreading lies about me to other friends, that I was somehow at fault, and deliberately ommited she slept with my partner when telling people these lies. She has taunted me with notes, actions around the house and had maintained persistent manipulation and psychological warfare. She has gone on to blame her bipolar for her actions and said that she "is a ****"when she drinks. How am I supposed to tackle this problem when someone has been so cunning and cruel? I have gone on to move houses, block her, etc. But my own mental health issues are prolonging and emphasizing the problem even without her presence in my life anymore. I suppose I want to know if some of this is a result to her mental illness, or if she is just a terrible terrible person? Thankyou, TornTabby

Need advice on coping with partner who has bipolar disorder.

replies: 1

Hi, I have been with my partner for a year. He has bipolar disorder and i need some techniques on coping with the rollar coaster please. We live seperately but in the past 3 months I have been staying over everynight (practically living together, every meal together, I do washing and cleaning) due to my broken ankle and needing financial support from him. We have been talking about moving in together permenantly and having a baby in the near future. Over the past 3 months he has been absolutely fantastic with support, financially and emotionally. I have started on anti depressant medication the other day, it's not easy being off fulltime work, not knowing when I'm going back and having to rely on someone so heavily for the first time (im very independent and pay me own way always). I am starting to take everything to heart. Before my broken ankle I'm generally a very happy person, cheerful, love life. I'm hoping when i get back on track with work and start having a life again I will naturally start feeling better and get off the medication. The past 2 days my partner has been in a crap of a mood, not affectionate, not really talking much and distant. He has asked me to stay at my place tonight because he needs some space. Initially I was a bit upset but after he had explained that he still loves me he just needs to deal with his bad mood. It isn't anything I've done wrong. He's never had to worry about someone else when he's been in this mood and now that he has me he has to worry about how it will effect me as well as himself. My question is - How do you cope with your partner in his/her depressant moods? Do you have hobbies you do? Go see a friend? He has had these episodes before in our relationship but we haven't spent as much time together as we are now so they weren't as noticeable. I feel he is the one for me and we are planning on starting a family together, I need to learn some techniques on coping with his bipolar so I don't get sucked into the reollar coaster. Thankyou in advance.

Folks may be suffering depression....?

replies: 5

My mum is 81yo and my dad is 84yo. In July 2016, my mum had a fall at home, broke her tailbone and spent 2mo in hospital and went straight into 2wks rehab. She had Silver Chain home physio visits for 8wk post-discharge from rehab during which time she was making good physical and mental progress. Her mental and physical recovery since the support services stopped has deteriorated. She has withdrawn from social life, no longer cooks cleans or does any domestic work, and spends her day on the couch waiting for her next meds. My dad runs around after her doing all the stuff she used to do, plus he does some part-time work outside of their home. The highlight of their week is going to the next doctor's appointment together. My mum has erratic moods swings that can turn quite psychotic / neurotic and although she would never physically harm herself or anyone else, we feel she is putting her heart and health at risk each time she goes off her tree. My dad wears the brunt of it. It's all an extremely sad situation for a couple who celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary last November. They love each other deeply but are both wandering around in the dark at the moment, with their grandchildren (my kids) pretty much the only thing that brings a prolonged smile to their faces. We know after speaking with a BB phone counsellor that they are both prime candidates for depression at some level. The big question now is.... how do we raise the topic of getting help with a couple of seniors who are from the generation that doesn't put their hand up for help or even address intangible issues such as mental health? For anyone that has been in my shoes, what did you do? What did you find worked a treat? What didn't work? Their GP has been made aware of our concerns in the past but has downplayed them and / or ignored them. I think it's all too hard for him to address issues that don't require a script or injection. It makes me quite mad and sad that my folks have so much faith in him. TIA for your thoughts, ideas, input and support. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get my folks back on track to enjoying their retirement years.

My support for my wife is failing

replies: 28

Hello. I'm brand new to the forum. My main reason for joining is to try to find some help and encouragement in assisting my wife through her depression and anxiety. She was diagnosed with bi-polar 5 years ago, and although that is semi controlled, she continues to suffer depression. We have been together 10 years and married for 4. It's such a rollercoaster. Some weeks and months are great, but over the last 3 months she is at an all time low. I left her last year in frustration and feeling that we had nothing left. 10 months later I returned with promise and hope that she had some fight left in her. All things looked promising. Now, some time later, we are back in the same place. I am stronger in support now, but the cracks are appearing. We have tried everything. She is seeing a psychiatrist, on her meds (with some changes in meds advised by doctors), we have called BB, the CAT team, I've listened, supported, suggested, encouraged and even left her be. It's not working, and my want for her to be at peace is stronger than ever. For me, I'm lonely, and unsupported in general life. I feel I have lost my wife and best friend forever. Who supports me? I need support to retain my strength. Who asks about my day, who shows interest in what my passions are, who do I rely on now. This post is not just about the poor me, it's about being happy in our life together. Something I'm not sure is achievable for the foreseeable future. I think we have tried all avenues, but the hope is by reaching out to you fine folk, a new idea may present itself. thanks for the opportunity to contact the forum.

Anxiety in a 6 year old

replies: 5

Hi, I'm new to this website and I was hoping for some advice. My 6 year old daughter has always been a slightly anxious child. Since starting Kindergarten her anxiety seems to have gotten worse. My doctor wasn't overly concerned until recently when it seems to have spiralled. I have an appointment with a paediatrician who specialises in depression and anxiety in children but it's still 8 weeks away. I was hoping for some tips on how to help her manage her anxiety. I haven't personally dealt with anxiety and I feel like as much as I try to understand how she is feeling, I'm so lost on how to help her feel better about things. Her anxiety seems to be over very small (to most children) things - like a wobbly tooth, she had a sore throat and thought she was having an allergic reaction and couldn't breathe, she dropped a small doll out the window while I was driving and was inconsolable and convinced she had caused a car accident when nothing bad had happened. She was having nightmares about it. Sorry for the long post but I love my daughter so much and I'm finding it so hard to know what to do. She is anxious a lot throughout the day and also cries very easily. Thanks in advance for an advice. Amanda

How do I support my partner?

replies: 2

Hello all, I've come to this forum as the partner of someone with major depression. My partner does not like to talk to me too much about the depression, but is seeing a therapist so does get to at least vent and get feedback that way. I knew my partner was prone to depression when we met, as he revealed that he had suffered from it in the past. It sort of went away for the first year we were together, naturally a new relationship can give you a bit of a high and he had just had a really low low. Over the years things have evened out. Mind you I never expect him to "get over it" or be someone he's not, I will stand by him no matter what - I just don't want to become an "enabler" of self-sabotage, either. He has not worked in almost 3 years - initially it was an honest struggle to find work due to lack of qualifications at a slightly later age (due to other circumstance that I KNOW he did not ask for) but it has turned into an overall lack of motivation. I know what unemployment can to do you, because I've been through it, let alone someone who already suffers from depression. He hasn't had it easy, but at this stage his main barrier is his motivation, or lack thereof. I don't mind being the breadwinner at all - I never have and I never will, I've always been motivated to provide, for myself and/or others, so that's not the issue. I don't expect him to overnight turn into a career tiger, I just don't want him to - again - hold himself back through this. He's come to a complete stop in everything and being unemployed makes that all even worse. How do I push him through this? I know he has to ultimately do it himself, I get that, I just don't want to be a contributor to the delay in that by being passive. I don't want to be like "I CAN'T DO THIS, YOU NEED TO GET A JOB!" because that's just not how it is, but I feel like by saying "you work on you, I love my job and the bills are paid, don't worry" I am making it worse. Does that make sense? Please don't be too harsh... the last time I went to a new forum asking for advice it resulted in post after post of people deciding what a horrible person he was or I am... he is such a good person, and I mean so well... I just have never suffered from real depression so I'm just trying to learn strategies and angles/viewpoints here. Thank you, Amy

How to support my other half with his depression

replies: 3

Hello, I am very concerned about my partner (He is 24) In the past few months he has been very hot and cold towards myself, his work, his interests and his overall life. He doesnt feel he is worthy of me as he is 'broken' He feels that everything he does is not good enough. He feels that he is a burden to everyone. So much so that he is looking at careers in which are isolating. Such as the navy, fly in fly out work or the army. Personally I see this as potential escape, in hope to free himself from feeling as though he is a burden to everyone as he no longer has to deal with that if he is away. He has also recently moved out and back to his mums, which I am happy for that to happen as I feel it takes some pressure off him. I was fortunate enough to get him to see a psychologist as he himself admitted that this negative thinking and serious self sabotage is no good. But I do not feel as though it is helping. I feel that medication may be the answer as it is not only his thoughts but his moods. He becomes very frustrated with himself, tugs at his hair in frustration, will say irrational things and shut himself off. I would just like some advice on how to support him through this and to possibly get him to consider other treatments. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Daughter recent Bipolar diagnosis after ICE psychosis.....now depression

replies: 2

Our daughter (25 yrs) has been diagnosed with Bipolar after a terrible Ice psychosis which lasted quite a long time. The period of time leading up to all of this was just heartbreaking and as a family we had to disengage from our daughter due to her behaviours/drug use. She is clean now, trying so hard to create a better life and she has pushed herself to get work but hasn't been able to keep up with the speed of the work as a result of her medications. As a family we are reconnecting and supporting her but cautious not to have her dependent on us as she could easily slip into wanting this. We are very concerned as she is displaying so many signs of severe depression - finds little joy in anything, sleeps constantly, cry's a lot, has major concentration and memory problems. We have suggested that she doesn't place too much emphasis on trying to secure work until she starts getting better but she is insisting that this is important to her. She is going to call her mental health case manager tomorrow to discuss how she is feeling and talk about treatment options. So my question is ....how long can it take before the side effects of ICE stops...ie is her depression possibly from the long term ice use or is it because of her Bipolar diagnosis? She was always such a happy, outgoing, extroverted person however this person has been replaced with somenone who is so sad and quiet.

Help!

replies: 2

Hi there, My husband was diagnosed with depression 2 years ago and started a new course of antidepressants three weeks ago. These meds seem to be working well - not a miracle cure by any means but significant changes in his behaviour - motivation, affection etc. I felt like I had my husband back and there are still improvements. For the last week he has basically slept a LOT. The first few days he was apparently 'just relaxed' but this went on for the whole week. Phone switched off and he ignored the rest of the world. Am I naive to think that these 'dips' shouldn't be this extreme if the meds are the right ones for him? Do these dips still happen even on the right medication? I have seen my doctor and she said I am doing all the right things to support my husband but I find myself getting emotional with the highs and lows. Any advice would be appreciated. I was just curious if the dips should be this extreme (and yes, I understand that this is not medical advice just personal experience). Thank you

Centrelink knows more than I do and I'm here 24/7

replies: 1

SO FRUSTRATED! Im a hard basket case it seems. My partner keeps having mental episodes (it's looking more like skitzopheneia to me but no one will tell me somehow Centrelink knows though just not me). He's been hospitalised 2 but at emergency 4 in the last year (No beds no immediate danger = go home despite him panicking in there over his symptoms). Meanwhile I have our under 5's at home. I can't come to any appointments because we are socially isolated = no babysitter ever. And they won't let me know anything even when he gives permisson while I'm standing there with him. How can I help him when they won't let me know what's going on. He had the first episode while I was pregnant with my last child and did not see this coming. No one knows how to work with us and I am burnt out. I can't sleep because his symptoms keep him up all night and kids get me up early. No one wants to know. My only supports are in his family but they are already burnt out and can't help as he is not the only mentally ill person in the family. I just want help! They won't give him effective meds and avoid med reviews they downplay everything because they don't want us on the books it feels. The police are sick of being called to check if symptoms are real. He is no help at home as he is currently ill, but ironically I can't get help because he is gentle and doesn't try to hurt us despite getting low himself, but not low enough to actually cause harm. Does it have to become so hard that I take drastic steps before I can get help for us. Seriously if I get one more phamplet that people some how think will fix it all I'll scream. Why are we penalised for not being dysfunctional enough because we are plenty dysfunctional. How do I get help? I don't want to kick him out I love him and I resent that people fall back on that as plan no1 of what I should do. Plus there is no reason why it should get to that with us. Is there real help out there? and why haven't they been letting me know about it if there is? Is it funding or our circumstances? I just want him reasonably stable is it too much to ask. Any points for getting a good Medicare friendly Psych would be appreciated. Seriously it's like the whole system runs on burnout! And I mean throughout every level it shouldn't be this way.

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 2

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Is it a purposeful harmful choice, or the result of having bipolar disorder? replies: 3

Need advice on coping with partner who has bipolar disorder. replies: 1

Folks may be suffering depression....? replies: 5

My support for my wife is failing replies: 28

Anxiety in a 6 year old replies: 5

How do I support my partner? replies: 2

How to support my other half with his depression replies: 3

Daughter recent Bipolar diagnosis after ICE psychosis.....now depression replies: 2

Help! replies: 2

Centrelink knows more than I do and I'm here 24/7 replies: 1