Supporting family and friends

Pinned discussions

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

•

15-07-2016

•

41 unread

All discussions

Sorted by:

Start a conversation

Lost twin

replies: 5

My twin brother has battled mental illness for a long time, we had quite a rough childhood with parents abusing drugs and alcohol or just not really there. We were mainly looked after by our older sister. Kicked out of home at 15. We are now 29, and living in different states. I went home recently for the first time in a couple years and he has gotten much worse, I fear he has schizophrenia but he refuses to see a medical preofessional. He says they won't understand what's going on in his head. He hears voices and chuckles at absurd things, like a raindrop or a bird, tells me crazy things such as my dog is controlling me and putting bad thoughts in my head. He was just in his own little world even after not seeing me for 2 years. Barely any questions about me or my life. This really hurt as we are really close, but it just seems he is so caught up in his own head. I did try to talk to him about it, I told him I missed the old person, and that I am so scared and worried about him, that his actions aren't like him. I said I would help him to get help and support him the whole way. It's hard as I live 3000km away. He can't hold down a job, has wasted what little money he had on musical instruments he can't play, and lost his car. He is living on very little and gotten so skinny, after bills has $20 to last for food for 2 weeks. He spends his time writing things on scraps of paper, or trying to grow seeds in the fridge. I really want to help him but I don't even know where to start, I feel terrible as we are twins and I'm ok, and he is not. I'm so damn worried he is going to commit suicide, he has promised me he won't.

My partner has anxiety

replies: 5

Hello, i am new here and looking for some others experiencing something similar. My partner, who has always been quite high energy and highly strung, had what I can only call a physical breakdown about 18 months ago. After numerous doctors/specialists together we have self diagnosed him as having nerve issues based on extreme stress over a number of years. He is in various amounts of pain about 50% of the time (unexplained) as well as having some minor anxiety reactions. After being together about 7 years and leading a relatively normal life together this episode and it's aftermath has efretted every aspect of our lives from leisure to intimacy and our ability to be spontaneous. I am struggling and have not reached out for help much amongst friends and family, mostly because i want to respect my partners privacy. It is really challenging and after 18 months I am starting to wonder if this is our new reality and if the way we led our lives in the past will never be again. THanks for reading, also wondering if there are any support groups for partners of people experiencing anxiety in melbourne. Em888

Best Friend struggling with depression and self medicating

replies: 2

Hi There, I am relatively new to this forum. My best friend has severe anxiety/depression which has recently taken a very drastic turn as she has turned to alcohol to help through this period. She isn't aware that I know she is drinking as when her mum broached it with her she cut her off, however, I have caught her several times. I am the only person that she feels she can talk to and she calls me 3-5 times a day crying and having panic attacks. I have managed to get her to the GP this week to get a referral to a psychiatrist, but I am not sure if there is anything else I can do. I check in with her and help her set small goals for the day and make sure she showers. When I see her I wash her face, brush her hair and make sure shes eating. I feel an overwhelming responsibility for her and her phone calls are more recently leaving me in a state of distress to the point of being physically ill as I am so concerned about her wellbeing and I am scared if I miss a call something might happen. I was just hoping to see if anyone else has been in a similar position or can help point me in the right direction for support materials? I would really appreciate any support.

Year 12 daughter refusing to go to school or get help

replies: 9

I have a daughter who is refusing to go to school. She is in Year 12. She takes hours to get ready to go any where, rarely leaves the house (won't even walk the new puppy around the block), has only one friend at school, spends most of her time in her bedroom or bathroom, withdrawn, has very difficult relationship with her father (who also lives in the house but is away a lot for work), often says she is tired/low energy, has also very few interests, and does no exercise. I'm pretty sure she has quite serious anxiety, possible depression. There is NO self harm. My question is: how can I get her to go see our gp or a psychologist to get help? I have made appointments over the past week, but she refuses help or to go, or to talk to anyone. Says "I'm not going". Lashes out at me, saying I'm making everything worse, to leave her alone, I'm not helping, I hate you, etc etc She is a bright girl, but she needs to attend school and complete Year 12. This is her future. How can I help her?????

My sister has depression and I'm the only one she talks to...

replies: 2

My sister has quite bad depression and lives in Ireland... I live in Perth... I'm the only one she talks to.. I want to know that I'm saying the right things and also I need some support for myself too...

I love my partner but I need your help. For those suffering from PTSD... please help me understand it. PLEASE.

replies: 13

First time posting... I am so in love with my partner of two years.. he suffers from PTSD. He has recently gone on antidepressants due to insufferable anxiety. It has made him calmer but he feels so guilty about the side affects they also bring, physically and emotionally, distant really. I feel I support him as much as I can but I know that I truly don't understand how he has been feeling. I want to ask him if I'm supporting him enough, but feel like I would be adding more pressure on our relationship, and his frame of mind. There's so much in my head I need to get out , so bare with me... this is hard! Feeling selfish that I'm being affected, because it's his battle and I just need to know how to support him, but still feel like rubbish from the fallout. What I think I'm trying to say is ... what can I say or do that will be the best way of letting him know I wish i could take his pain away, that I understand this is life long and that I really am up for this without belittling the enormous fight he has on his hands? Please tell me if I'm overthinking all of this or if I just need to chill and just...be there...

Feel like I'am failing and not coping!

replies: 4

My husband has severe depression, after several years of failed attempts, encouraging, begging and pleading with him to seek help and actually follow through treatment, he is now on the right track and has his first psychologist appointment this week. My problem is I'm not coping very well, he is the worst he has been and has left a large trail of destruction in our marriage! I want to support him and help him as best as I can but I'am so very hurt by his actions in the last few months and feel so emotionally drained in riding the merry go round that never stops! I feel like I'am failing him, in giving him the support, understanding and patients he needs and this makes me very upset! We are constantly repeating the same conversations and arguments in which he will bring up the same things over and over and I have had enough! I don't know how to deal with this? I have tried not engaging but he will keep pestering and following me around the house to the point where I have left for a few hours, this initially worked but only for a day a two and then it starts again. I have tried just listening and validating his feelings but this just seems to annoy him more, I have tried to be understanding, compromise, negotiate but again its not enough for him we cant more than day a two and again it will start. I'm now at the point where I have very little patients and become frustrated and at times angry with him, I have virtually zero tolerance when it comes to talking about issues in our relationship. He is not in the right frame of mind to be having these conversations the exact reasons I don't initiate any conversation regarding these issues but he can't see that in himself and I don't know how much longer I can keep going like this, I don't want to give up on him or our relationship but I so tired!

How do I support my husband, who appears to be headed for his 5th nervous breakdown

replies: 3

My husband is in a heightened state of agitation frequently at the moment. He overreacts when we disagree, when the children make poor choices and so on. I am being very careful not to snap at him or encourage a disagreement. We disagreed on Friday morning with regard to a very minor matter. I contacted him by telephone later that day to try to calm the situation with calm talking, but he exploded on the phone and hasn't spoken to me since. I believe he needs to go a seek psychological help, but he is stubbornly resistant. He has recently stopped taking his anti depressants. I am not sure what I can do, other than try my hardest to be calm. Any tips on how to help him would be greatly appreciated.

In the psychiatrist waiting room

replies: 2

Here I am again. Waiting for my daughter's assessment. She's just turned 18 and this would be her third hospital stay but the playing field has just got bigger. She's still at school but there's no room in the adolescent unit. And my beautiful, suicidal child does not need just yet to have her eyes widened to long term adult mental health problems. It's been 3 years since the first diagnosis and the marathon I thought I could sprint through is becoming an ultra one. And so I literally have to sit and accept this, and give myself daily reminders that we got this far and that's a great thing. That she is more than an illness. And in all those 3 years the music in the waiting room hasn't got any better. That I can still laugh at the absurdity of sound and seriousness of place of that background buzz is a good thing. Good luck everyone as you wait in the psychiatrist's room. You got there and that's a good thing!

Depressed wife has become morelike a sister

replies: 2

We have been married for 20 years and have 3 kids. My wife got PN depression 17 years ago and it has never gone away. See is a good mum and I have more than pulled my weight with baby duties, house, kids schooling, second job and more importantly kindness. Although we had our last child in the depression years, i have not been physically touched in this time. Things got worse at home with kids disrespecting the house and trashing the place and my wife stayed at home, not getting out of bed pretty much for 16 months, only to make school lunches. Anytime there is a disagreement she goes into a rage and i hear about her suicidal thoughts which are thrown at me. Without going into details, my boss was away for 12 months and came back. After a while he kept badgering me about what was wrong. Eventually i told him a little about my wife and they offered 3 councilling sessions over the phone. This gave me some mental tools to cope. I cant discuss any of this at home as i always get shut down about anything personal or intimate and it take 3 days for things to return to 'normal'. I really get no help and am curbing a spendaholic as best i can. Today i have cooked breakfast and made lunch and dinner. I have tried regular intimacy but either staying up till midnight after i have gone to bed, dealing with a more important face book or the most interesting tv creates a refusal for me. The last invitation i received to do my thing was 25 months ago. I have been a loyal husband and father and i dont think about walking away, but i am sick of my wife behaving like my sister towards me. I have done the new house, car, jewellery and gifts for no relationship improvement. One of the things that i havent even touched on is meddling in laws which only make her feel worse. I am at my witts end because i dont know what success looks like anymore. I like to think that i am a well educated person, good father and husband but am drowning with no help and no intimacy. Any pointers in the right direction would be appreciated.

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Lost twin replies: 5

My partner has anxiety replies: 5

Best Friend struggling with depression and self medicating replies: 2

Year 12 daughter refusing to go to school or get help replies: 9

My sister has depression and I'm the only one she talks to... replies: 2

I love my partner but I need your help. For those suffering from PTSD... please help me understand it. PLEASE. replies: 13

Feel like I'am failing and not coping! replies: 4

How do I support my husband, who appears to be headed for his 5th nervous breakdown replies: 3

In the psychiatrist waiting room replies: 2

Depressed wife has become morelike a sister replies: 2