Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

•

15-07-2016

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Concerned wife

replies: 12

My husband and I have been together for 12 years but only married for 11 months. He has never been someone who has been open with this feelings and doesn't like to talk (which has been a issue). But the last few months he has become distant and closed off and I know that there has been issues that he has been dealing with like work, his father, issues from his childhood and other things. But he has shut me out won't talk. We have been having trouble having a family which hasn't helped so he is blaming himself, saying it's all his fault and that I deserve better and someone else. I've tried my best to support him. He said that he needs space. So I'm staying at my mums for a while which I don't know if it's a good thing or not? One positive he did seek help today which im happy about but he told me that his feeling for me have changed and that he is numb, but numb to everyone and everything. That he doesn't know if his feeling for me will return. That he is in a dark place that he doesn't know what he what's out of life. I just need some advice. I don't know what to do anymore. I love him so much this can't be the end coz I'll fight to the end for him and us.

Rebalancing a relationship affected by mental illness (OCD, depression & alexithymia)

replies: 6

I've been with my partner for 10 years - he has had OCD since about age 14 or 15, and more recently, depression. A few years back he finally accepted that he needed treatment to address his illness and has been treated with a range of SRIs and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). Most people that would meet him now would have no idea that he has a diagnosed condition because his illness has been managed to a point that it hardly interferes with daily life – at least the parts that are visible to people other than me. His improvement does not change the fact that most of our relationship has been impacted by his illness. Without going into details, there have been some trying times. A couple of times we have separated, and many times I have thought about leaving. He has also recently been diagnosed with a disorder called alexithymia, which means that he has difficulty reading and describing emotions. We are working through what this means for our relationship (and how it explains some aspects of our relationship). I’m posting here for two reasons. The first is because even though I have a lot of patience and energy to deal with my husband’s illness, there are times that I just find it overwhelmingly difficult to handle. I have no one to talk to that understands OCD or alexithymia enough to provide sympathy but not judge my husband for things (for example, taking feedback very critically due to self-worth issues, and aversion to physical touch related to alexithymia). I’d like to hear how other people find an outlet to talk about how mental illness affects their relationship in the long term. The other thing I’m interested in hearing about is others’ experiences of trying to rebalance a relationship after years of focussing on one partner. I feel like we have both been so focussed on his illness, his treatment, how it has impacts us, how it has impacted his work life and study, and getting him back on track again that I’m a bit forgotten. I’ve been the main financial support, the main household organiser, and invested so much energy into him and getting him better that my goals etc have been sidelined. It feels like I’ve surfaced now that things are better and I’m not quite sure who I am or what I want anymore. I’m so grateful that things are looking up but I’m not sure how to manage this next stage. I would love to hear about any similar experiences.

re advice on communicating well with 13 yo son with OCD

replies: 3

I'd love some tips on creating positive communication with my 13 yo son who has OCD. He can't go to school at the moment and I have stopped work to care for him. I try and stay positive but find that I get so frustrated if he refuses to do small things to make progress. Rather than stay calm and be the adult, I get so emotional and frustrated. I know this behaviour makes his anxiety worse but in that moment I just get so upset. I know this is really affecting our relationship and I don't want him to think dad is great and mum is hopeless. We are having treatment and am also seeing a counsellor but I would appreciate some communication tips to increase patience and reduce emotional responses. Thanks guys!

How do I support a partner with depression?

replies: 5

Hi there, I've been in a relationship with my partner for 2 years and I have difficulty understanding how I can best support him. A big issue is that we live far away from each other, but he asks for a lot of time to himself. I haven't seen him for over a week and try to compromise with him but he seems to be thinking just about what he wants or what he thinks is best for him, and in turn he disregards my feelings. I think I'd just like an insight into what depression makes you feel, especially in relation to a significant other, and maybe how I can show I'm supporting him, even when he pushes me away. Thanks in advance

Retirement

replies: 1

My partner's anxiety and moodiness has increased since retirement after his career involving being away from home a lot. I have helped him over the years with his anxieties. I think they were/are a result of his difficult and neglected upbringing. I have had to learn to be very independent. Now, with retirement, his moodiness has increased even though he keeps reasonably active. It is really difficult. Any other retirees out there with similar problems?

Dating a guy with depression

replies: 6

I've recently started dating a guy and we both really like one another. A few days ago he disclosed that he has depression and anxiety to me. He has been having a bad week and hasn't spoken to me much. We spoke a bit yesterday and he said he is worried that he is taking it out on me by needing space. I guess I just wanted to know if it's normal to not hear from someone in a low much, and also how to not take it personally.

Supporting A Partner

replies: 2

Hi, I'm interested in connecting with some people who are supporting a partner with depression or anxiety (or other mental illness). My partner has both and I am finding it increasingly difficult when dealing with the moods that come with depression. I am often shut out, and it leaves me feeling anxious. I deal with my own form of anxiety and it can often 'bring it on' when my partner doesn't want to talk. The big issue though is that we have been doing long distance for over 2 and a half years, and communicating over messages (unfortunately) is what keeps us connected a lot of the time. Thanks for reading. I hope there's someone who has a similar issue. Puppies.

Supporting my partner properly for the first time

replies: 7

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 2 years. We are very happy together and wouldn't want each other any other way. During our relationship I've struggled with anxiety and depression during my studies and he was my rock, he always seemed to have his head together and I sure as hell didn't! But recently he's been so depressed because of work abd physical health and problems with my parents (they don't exactly approve of him) and i want to be there for him and support him 100%. How do I do that?

Help for my son

replies: 4

Hi everyone. I have no idea where to start to get help for my son. He is not in any immediate danger to himself or others at the moment but has posted something on social media that alarmed his family very much. Where do I start to get some help? Who... View more

At the end of my rope - please advise

replies: 9

I'm hoping a wonderful somebody on this forum can advise/assist. My partner is depressed. I believe he's been generally depressed for most of our 17 years together. His mum believes it dates back to his adolescence (he's mid-40s). He's also an alcoholic (although not drinking at the moment) with a tendency towards narcissism, and has serious attachment/abandonment issues (he's adopted, with deep-seated anger and shame about it). Nothing is, or ever has been, his fault; and he's been allowed to get away with murder by his absolutely adoring family. So, you can imagine how well things went when, late last year, he was retrenched. Given the dying industry in which he works, it was completely foreseeable to everyone except him. He fell into a heap - drank like a verbally abusive fish for a couple of weeks until I was ready to leave, and had to be supervised because he was completely unstable and has never had to practice resilience or problem-solve for himself (I've always been the primary earner and organiser). He has refused to actively participate in any problem solving for three months. He has stopped drinking, but has replaced it with eating, and his weight has ballooned which makes him unhappier. He spends most of his time watching TV or lying in bed while I work 60+ hour weeks plus study (post-grad in clinical psych - oh, the irony). He has two friends, both of whom he's pretty much sidelined. He won't contemplate that he is experiencing a major depressive episode, and won't see his GP or a counsellor. He's angry with me because I baulked at forking out $20k on weight-loss surgery (on a whim - he just booked himself in one day. We absolutely cannot afford it.) In short, he's doing absolutely nothing to help himself, and I'm exhausted - I also do all the cleaning, cooking, shopping and organising, because otherwise we'd live in squalor and starve. He constantly phones or texts me at work saying he needs to speak urgently (panic stations), so I excuse myself from meetings, etc, to call him, only to be told that he "can't talk about it any more". He knows I'm frantic about him suiciding, and I think it's just manipulative. The final straw is being repeatedly told that I'm not supportive enough. Has anyone else been in this situation? I am seriously at the point of walking away - I can't (and won't) live like this with a man who won't help himself. At what point does it stop being depression, and start being a childish, self-pitying wallow?

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Concerned wife replies: 12

Rebalancing a relationship affected by mental illness (OCD, depression & alexithymia) replies: 6

re advice on communicating well with 13 yo son with OCD replies: 3

How do I support a partner with depression? replies: 5

Retirement replies: 1

Dating a guy with depression replies: 6

Supporting A Partner replies: 2

Supporting my partner properly for the first time replies: 7

Help for my son replies: 4

At the end of my rope - please advise replies: 9