Dating a guy with depression

[Jaffa92]

I've recently started dating a guy and we both really like one another. A few days ago he disclosed that he has depression and anxiety to me. He has been having a bad week and hasn't spoken to me much. We spoke a bit yesterday and he said he is worried that he is taking it out on me by needing space. I guess I just wanted to know if it's normal to not hear from someone in a low much, and also how to not take it personally.

[Zeal]

Hey Jaffa,

Welcome to the forum!

It's great that you are seeking advice about this, as it's important for you and also for your relationship. The fact that the guy you're dating told you about his anxiety and depression is really positive, as he must trust you and feel comfortable being open with you. Despite needing some space and not speaking to you much this past week, it sounds as though he is communicating as best he can at the moment. When someone is feeling down from depression, it is very common for them to withdraw emotionally and need more space than usual.

In order to understand more about depression (and anxiety) and not take his need for space personally, gaining knowledge about mental illness is crucial. On this Beyondblue site, I recommend you read the fact sheets under Supporting someone on the menu bar. You can find info on anxiety and depression under The facts.
This website has a wealth of reliable info on many different topics, including anxiety and depression: http://www.mindhealthconnect.org.au/

It would be great to hear back from you 🙂

Best wishes,

Zeal

[kanga_brumby]

Hi Jaffa92 welcome to BB. One of the problems with us blokes is, we don't talk enough about how we are feeling. More often we see it as a sign of weakness. He could be feeling threatened as a male. If he opens up, more than he has already. Just give him space, and time. Be as supportive as you can. If he truly likes you as much as you like him. Eventually come around and open up more. It's the test of time and wills. I think if you slowly let him work it out, he will turn out ok. It's a very slow process, frustrating as well, it has worked I know. That is what my dearly departed did for me. We are here to support as many people as each of us can.

Kanga

[HappyMeags72]

Hi Jaffa92

i too have recently been dating a really beautiful man who is also battling Bipolar, when we first dated he told me straight up which I admire him for that. But now he working really long hours and by the time the weekend comes he goes into a depression and he does commicate with me in texts I try to be as supportive as I can be. I feel what your going through as my partner has said don't pressure him or give him the space he needs which I have. And all I ask Is are you ok? I have told my partner that I have been researching and I have now joined a group and he is so happy that I have tried to get a understanding of what he is going through. It's extremely seeing the ones we love go through this and I feel so sad and my anxiety goes through the roof but then I've also that us partners need to look after ourselves too which is easier said than done. I can only image what my partner is going through, but I love him and I'll be there for him it's going to be hard at times too, that's why I thought I'd join this group to get more support and understanding, let us know how it goes and you are not alone. Hope this helps

[Kitty128]

Hi Jaffa!

Good on you for reaching out for support - I know exactly how you feel.

I met my current partner back in June 2015, it was all very casual at first. He was going through a very dark period and he didn't want to get close to anyone due to his anxiety and depression. He didn't want to be a burden on anyone else.

Me, being a woman was all like "I love you and I'll fix all your problems and make you feel better" but as we know, that is not a reality, especially when dealing with mental illness.

I gave him his space (which was hard) but worth it. It's our one year anniversary next week. Try not to take it personally, I know I felt that way too. Kanga has hit the nail on the head.

All the best x

[HappyMeags72]

Hi Kitty

Thank you for sharing you story I found this most helpful, I've only being seeing my new partner for 6 months but he is the most amazing man I've ever met, and I like just like you oooo I love and I'll fix everything but having joining up with this group and researching I've come to know that yes my partner needs space too and he is ever so grateful for it. I know we will get through this my partner and I,

thank you for your story

[Puppies]

Hi Jaffa92,

I'm in a similar situation. I've been with my partner for 2 and a half years, and the thing i struggle most with is the space he says he needs. We've been doing long distance for almost our whole relationship, and I struggle most with it, especially when he has moods in which he can go days without wanting to talk to me. I find it most hard to not send a message saying 'I hope you're ok xx' or 'I hope you have a good day, I love you' but I often can't keep myself from sending those messages. I'm not sure that the messages themselves are bad, but I hate feeling the way I feel when he has read them and won't reply. For example, 2 mornings ago we were talking and he was fine, then I sent a message in reply, and he didn't read it. It came to about 8pm of the same day and I sent him a message asking if he was ok, he said no. The following day I made my organised visit to his house. I drove 2.5 hours to his house and I'm still here and he has said 1 word to me the whole time; 'Hey'. The thing that bothers me most is that we couldn't sleep last night and at about midnight he had a massive group conversation with a few of his friends (a group I was added to), yet he can't have a conversation with me either over message or in person??
I'm so confused. I want to go and ask if he's ok but I'm afraid that he'll shut me down/out or whatever. When he's good, he's good, but when he's not feeling great, it can be really difficult.

I'm unsure of how I can support him when he won't let me, or he pretends he's ok when he's talking to his friends online? It just confuses me so much. I don't know what I do wrong in the way of supporting him.

Sorry it was so long, but I feel like you're in a similar situation, I've just been dealing with it on/off for 2.5 years.

Thanks for reading, Puppies.