struggling with special needs children

[Matchy69]

Does anyone else have children with special needs.I am struggling with mine.My youngest cant use a toilet when their at the age they should be.I am getting tired of changing them,does that make me a bad parent?The constant hyperepisodes are taking their strain especially that i am going through other personal stuff in my life

[Boudica]

Good Morning Mark,

How are you today?

Auditor to youth worker is not a change I have heard of before! But then people really don't understand when I tell them my journey either! I fell in to financial work actually when I was quite young. I got a job answering the phone at an accounting firm, then was promoted to doing payroll, then bookkeeping for clients, then reviewing other staff's work (over many years of course. Moved firms a few times, but the last company I worked for was very corporate with very wealthy privileged clients. I was treated well by my employer, and there is satisfaction in taking financial mess and make it into beautiful impeccable financials.

However, there was just a real mismatch between my work and what I thought was important in life and Blake hadn't settled well into school as I had hoped. So I resigned in 2017 to be on call for my son (my ex does not work but chooses to be minimum dad). I then decided to use the time to start a new career direction, so I did a degree in environmental science, as environmental protection is important to me. I now want to start working again, but I need to wait until my son is stable in school, (hence the honours project!) Working is good for my mental health, as without keeping busy my brain goes into an overthinking loop (it's good for my pocket too). I hope next year I can start working again, but it will depend on how Blake's transition to high school goes.

I hope your finding the time and energy to get out into the garden. I wish I was, but I am mostly at my desk (with some window gazing!)

Enjoy your day 🙂

[Guest_1643]

hi all

i hope u are doing well and so are ur kids!

changing careers is an amazing option, my family doesn't have many expamples of this, it seemed everyone stuck to one job, i'm finding the idea of having a few different options and career paths makes more sense and is a way to increase contenment 🙂

[Matchy69]

Hi Sleepy seems a common thing today to change careers.My dad stayed in the same job 43 years which included promotions and becoming second in charge.I wish I had jobs to talk about.I have done labouring and working in waste management in recycling.Nothing really exciting and have been on a pension for years for my mental health.

[Boudica]

Hello,

I am glad we have a social safety net for those that are not able to work.

My first job when I was 15, serving at a fast food place! Then at 16 I worked in the evening feeding old people at a nursing home. To me even though work was often a grind, work was a way to freedom. I grew up with nothing, and had no financial support from my family from 16 onward. My first pay was so exciting, I still remember that I bought a dictionary and a pair of brogues!

As I didn't really have any emotional or financial support from actual family, work became like my family. When I resigned from work, I had some clients I had been seeing for 10 years, so you get to know them quite well too. My favourite workplace was a small accounting firm that had mostly italian small business clients, and I was the only non-italian who worked there. They were so welcoming and supportive and lovely, and great food at functions too! Unfortunately the business owner died, so it was taken over by another firm.

Work can also be incredibly destructive when it is not the right place or people for you. I had one absolutely disgusting manager for a time, and I dreaded going to work each day, but I found a way to move on. So many people suffered from her (and she is still there), she would be sweet as pie in front of the partners, and then threatening and rude to her team.

I think it is important to have purpose in your life for your MH. Employment can give some people that purpose, but that is not the only thing. Volunteering, personal projects, raising children, studying or whatever. Mark, you seem to find that sense of purpose through caring for your kids, gardening and making jam, which are all positive things to be investing your time in to.

Sleepy, do you like your present work? Have you thought about what you actually need from a job, to make it a positive thing for you. You mentioned maybe social work would be a good fit, have you thought further on this?

I am scared about having to look for work after having a break, as I am over 40 now and they say it is harder for older people to find work.

[Matchy69]

Hi Boudica my kids have been sick all weekend so it hasn't been much of a weekend.

It is really hard for somone with mental health problems to get on a DSP these days.Was much easier years ago.The older you get it seems harder to find work even if you have all the qualifications but some employees do like employing older people as they like someone with life's experiences and know they will work.

Take care,

Mark.

[Boudica]

Hi Mark,

Sorry your kids are sick again, it seems there has been lots of illness circling around schools this year. They just had an outbreak of hand, foot and mouth disease at my sons school...glad he missed that!

All the best 🙂

[Guest_1643]

Hi Boudaica and Mark

I'm okay in my work now as i'm experienced and qualified however I think I would like to continue with my goal of studying social work. I think I would like another shot at life, anoher attempt at something new.

I don't think at 40 it will be too hard for u to get into work but i could be wrong. there is agism everywhere, that is a fact but i'm sure u can contribute a lot and be an asset and 40 is very young 🙂

I haven't shared my intent yet with many ppl around me, feels a bit funny as i myself see health professionals, like i'm poaching their job lol..

I've worked in a few fields but haven't found my niche yet....

sorry mark that ur son is sick and hoping ur okay and ur daughter is recovering

[Matchy69]

Hi sleepy I think you will make a great social worker and hope you can become one.I had a friend once who was one such a great caring person like yourself.

[Boudica]

Hello Mark,

How has your week been? How are you kids going?

I have so much work for uni, so whenever Blake is not with me I am trying to study.....it's getting me down though. I have an app on my phone and study in 25 minute blocks, with 5 minute stretch breaks!

Blake has been particularly explosive this last week, I think when I am stressed it effects him too. No major breakages or fires though, so that is good. He did throw his phone and put his laptop in the bin, but luckily they both survived with no visible damage, his maths book did not fair so well, and is in small shreds. He is almost like Jekyl and Hyde, gentle and quiet when ok, but aggressive and loud when upset. People are often very frightened of him when he turns, and has had teachers say they fear for their lives and refuse to teach him (even though he has never hurt anyone at school - he does throw objects and has threatened to hurt himself though). He is on anti-psychotics but the dose is fairly low, so they just take the edge off his volatility. Some kids on the spectrum don't have the aggression..........ah life would be so easy for those parents!. I am scared of what it will be like when he is bigger, as he is already bigger than me, and know that he will grow well over 6ft like his dad and my brother.

Sorry for the vent, I think you are one of the few that understand what it is like day to day though.

Have you been getting out into your garden at all this week?

[Sophie_M]

Hi Boudica, 

We are sorry to hear that you are feeling under so much pressure at the moment, parenting is challenging enough and when children need extra care that can add to this even more. We want to thank you for reaching out here and sharing your story and experiences with us all. 

We think that calling a phoneline for specefic parenting support would be a great step towards feeling more in control by giving you a chance to discuss how you're feeling with an expert. Their are state-specific numbers which you can find here.

Please know you can also call us anytime on 1300 22 4636 if you feel overwhelemed and need someone to talk to. 

Thank you again for sharing your experience with us, please feel free to drop back in and keep us updated. 

Kind regards, 
Sophie M