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Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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TK75 Being diagnosed with Bipolar.
  • replies: 7

Hello, this is very difficult for me to write. In 2012 I had a psychotic episode and was diagnosed with schitzoaffective disorder, a few years after this, complex post traumatic stress disorder, and most recently, bipolar. I have completely wrecked m... View more

Hello, this is very difficult for me to write. In 2012 I had a psychotic episode and was diagnosed with schitzoaffective disorder, a few years after this, complex post traumatic stress disorder, and most recently, bipolar. I have completely wrecked my life, am currently homeless and am living in short term emergency accommodation. I did a lot of crazy things, which happens to me under duress, I gave away most of my belongings when I had to move out of my rental due to the owners wanting to renovate, wasted a lot of money and gave a lot away. My car broke down and I could no longer travel to work. I can see now I had psychosis and was very angry or sad and just unable to cope. My behaviour was that bad I breached avos and was put in jail for 3 months, then not sentenced because of a section 32 mental illness act, the forensic psychologist said I have psychosis and bipolar. I was then taken to a mental health hospital to be assessed, the doctor discharged me, it was so stressful as I was not from the area, was homeless when released and had no ID, community corrections paid for me to go back . I feel so ashamed and embarrassed of the things I've done. 18 months ago I had somewhere to live and a job, now I have no rental, they are all too expensive on jobkeeper, no car and no job. Justice heath has not sent a referral and the report to the local mental health as said, so I called a mental health number for a referral and now have to see a Dr for that. The hospital gave me medications on leaving but no script. I feel so depressed and have the worst anxiety of my life, even over doing simple things. I am finding it incredibly difficult starting over from scratch at 47. I have permanently damaged most relationships. I always denied having a mental health problem but now it is very obvious to me, my erratic behaviour, irrational thoughts, inability to sleep, angry outbursts are just not normal, Im afraid of these things happening again, am just depressed and anxious every day and do not even enjoy the things I used to, I just feel stuck with terrible concentration and an enormous amount of regret.

Louanne4 How to help my daughter with anger & depression
  • replies: 1

I’m at a loss on how to help my 14 year old daughter. We’ve done everything to help her over the last year. She had social issues at school and bullying last year & after she started self harming/suicidal thoughts we ended up moving schools to be wit... View more

I’m at a loss on how to help my 14 year old daughter. We’ve done everything to help her over the last year. She had social issues at school and bullying last year & after she started self harming/suicidal thoughts we ended up moving schools to be with her “best friend” of 8 years. Attendance wasn’t great but at least she was going most of the time. She had a friend groups although there was constant ups & downs. She doesn’t tolerate bullshit & others being two faced, she just can’t ignore it & “fit in. This year it’s gone down hill again & something has triggered her anxiety do term 2 meant 4 days attendance in 5 weeks. At which point she agreed homeschool was what she wanted to do, which she’s been doing now for a few weeks. She does nothing outside the home, no other activities & doesn’t want to do anything. She’s refusing to to talk to anyone as she felt previously it didn’t help.She’s enjoying the relaxed nature of the home schooling but socially she has lost all her friends. Her “best friend” is now not talking to her, yet sending snaps of her & another girl hanging out. I’ve suggested activities she can do to try make new friends but she doesn’t went to do anything. She watches tv shows continuously, I think to take her minds off things. She’s started having panic attacks at bed time & she’s up & down with her moods. Gets so angry in an instant. I’m at a loss & feel so alone. I don’t know what to do to help her??!!

Tryingtosupport28 Trying to support and I’m hurting
  • replies: 1

Hi team, this is my very first post as I found this forum today. My husband suffers from depression and anxiety and has done his whole life, including trying to take his own life when he was younger. I have personally never suffered from mental healt... View more

Hi team, this is my very first post as I found this forum today. My husband suffers from depression and anxiety and has done his whole life, including trying to take his own life when he was younger. I have personally never suffered from mental health, so have been doing a lot of research and learning about it in recent times. His Mum died recently and he is going through some physical health issues of his own, as well as hating his job. When he gets in a state like he is at the moment, he turns inside himself and does not communicate much, which I find difficult. I adore him and do everything to show him, but one thing will set him off and he turns it against me and takes his depression out on me. I am having some day surgery tomorrow and I’m scared, as I’ve never had any surgery before. I feel selfish because I’m resenting him that I can’t share my feelings with him about it, because he’s giving me the cold shoulder about something from 3 days ago. It culminated in an argument this morning and him telling me that no one cares about him. I now sit here terrified and I’m feeling helpless. I have always supported him, but it’s not fair to be the metaphorical punching bag for his illness and feelings. He has sought help last year from a psychologist, but has never shared anything about it with me. I feel lost, helpless and like I’m failing him and our family. I know how he is being towards me is not him and it is his illness, but it still hurts. I have cried so many tears in the last 24hrs and I feel alone. I raised with him this morning that his mental health is not good at the moment, so I’m hopeful he may take this on board and go back to get some help again.

aniruddhpan Me alcoholic
  • replies: 2

I am an alcoholic, been trying to do whatever to get out of it. I even take naltrexone. Work full time 2 jobs but cannot rid of this issue. I have tried counselling but its very difficult to get actual face to face. I suffer from depression and socia... View more

I am an alcoholic, been trying to do whatever to get out of it. I even take naltrexone. Work full time 2 jobs but cannot rid of this issue. I have tried counselling but its very difficult to get actual face to face. I suffer from depression and social anxiety so dont know what will work for me. I waste lot of money in binge drinking. Will not drink for month then book hotel and drink for 3 to 4 days wasting money. So I do 2 jobs so I can still support my family. Can someone please advise what method for quitting worked for them? This shame is killing me. Just hate myself but still go and drink.

Lesa My partner threatens suicide but refuses to get help
  • replies: 4

My partners depression got really bad when we had our daughter who is now 16 months. He says I dont have time for him now we have a child and says that now he has given me a baby he may as well just die. He has suffered alot of hardship in his life a... View more

My partners depression got really bad when we had our daughter who is now 16 months. He says I dont have time for him now we have a child and says that now he has given me a baby he may as well just die. He has suffered alot of hardship in his life and his business has been struggling since Covid which has put us in a very difficult financial position so he feels lots pf shame and guilt. He takes anti depressants and medication for ADHD but his Psychartrist is so busy he isn't managing the situation and i dont know what to do. He threatens suicide often and tells me that he has nothing to live for. I don't know what to do, I walk on eggshells because he is so sensitive he creates things to be angry at me about. Sometimes I feel like he hates me and tries to drive me away so he has an excuse to end his life. I don't know what to do or who to turn too. The doctors and Psychatrists can only help if rhe person is willing to help themselves.

Logan_III Wife suffering from persecutory delusions, can they eventually forgive the wrongly accused?
  • replies: 3

My wife of nearly 20 years has always suffered from depression but the past 4 years have been the hardest on me due to the amplification of her hypervigilance/judgemental-ness/persecutory beliefs based on past unresolved trauma. She has seen a psychi... View more

My wife of nearly 20 years has always suffered from depression but the past 4 years have been the hardest on me due to the amplification of her hypervigilance/judgemental-ness/persecutory beliefs based on past unresolved trauma. She has seen a psychiatrist for many years but they never seem to delve into the cause and over the past 4 years her paranoia regarding people close to me has escalated.I have had to part way for numerous friends, minimal contact with my family and I am now more isolated than ever. I have given up sports that I enjoyed due to the clubs being part of the conspiracy. These people are accused of sharing emails or texts, hacking accounts, passing on information to media outlets and general gaslighting in an effort to get her to return to a past workplace (one source of her past trauma).Like many people suffering the above, jumping to conclusions with minimal evidence, not believing her Dr and being angry at needing medication (antidepressant and a mild antipsychotic) when she believes it's all these people who need to stop and apologise.Can someone who believes in these things so strongly ever get to a point where they realise that these people have not done what her mind has convinced her of or is it 'locked in'.I guess I am at a point where I am assessing our future as a family unit. We have children and it is really starting to impact them and my lust for life is also at an all-time low.I read all the help guides regarding caring for someone suffering from this, but I fear catching up with people (who have not been accused) as I may lose them too.It's not a great way to live and if things are set in her mind, even if she gets things under control, I miss all my friends and catching up with family regularly without the crippling anxiety it brings me.Thanks

Maxey Upset and confused
  • replies: 26

My partner is suffering with depression. We’ve had all the discussions around his guilt of feeling like a burden, not coping with responsibilities and not having any happiness in any area of his life. I’m committed to helping him through this and hav... View more

My partner is suffering with depression. We’ve had all the discussions around his guilt of feeling like a burden, not coping with responsibilities and not having any happiness in any area of his life. I’m committed to helping him through this and have discussed the support I might need from my family and friends as I understand the toll it will take on us. With respect please don’t tell me to pack up and leave him. I’m just looking for some strength and to hear experiences on how to get through the roller coaster of emotions I deal with daily.

Violet12 Feeling like an animal with my foot caught in a bear trap, but it's him.
  • replies: 6

I am worried I'm going to blink and another 10 years will have gone past and there's my 30s gone. I keep waiting for him to go through some kind of evolution, to have like a life changing moment or a sudden realisation, and for him to start standing ... View more

I am worried I'm going to blink and another 10 years will have gone past and there's my 30s gone. I keep waiting for him to go through some kind of evolution, to have like a life changing moment or a sudden realisation, and for him to start standing on his own 2 feet. He leans on me, and that's ok, but lately (and if I'm being honest, for years now), it's too much. I can feel myself cracking under the pressure. He acknowledged that there's no space for me in the relationship to have my feelings, because he takes it all up. I didn't tell him this, but he's right. And I have no idea what to do about it. I'm holding onto the same life raft I've held onto before, which is that we get him back in therapy and he starts leaning on them and not me and makes progress. But it's the 4th time around, at least, and I'm just so traumatised to be honest with you. I can't keep doing this. I can't leave. I feel completely trapped, afraid and anxious and tired and resentful and full of dread. I can't even enjoy "good days" anymore like I used to, because I used to mistake those for signs of change, and now I feel like I've lost that hope. It's like I'm starting to believe him when he says there's no hope. Bad days can spring out of nowhere. He can be laughing and talkative and engaged, then later say it was all fake and an act. I don't care how this makes me seem, but I wish he'd fake it all the time. I do. Because I just can't handle being emotionally hostage like this. I have no idea what to do to get out of this feeling.

Destroyer_of_sadness How can I be there for him?
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone,This is my first post here because I want to seek some advice about my boyfriend. We have a very loving relationship of almost 4 years and he is the sweetest most genuine person I have ever met. He is so good to me. A few days ago we were... View more

Hi everyone,This is my first post here because I want to seek some advice about my boyfriend. We have a very loving relationship of almost 4 years and he is the sweetest most genuine person I have ever met. He is so good to me. A few days ago we were out and he wanted to have a serious talk with me. He told me everything had become too much (there were many external factors and his job has been terribly straining on his mental wellbeing) and felt like he wasn't being a good partner to me as a result so he ultimately decided to break up with me. It terrified me because not only was I losing him but he was pushing everyone away and isolating himself when he was feeling on the verge of giving up everything. The thought of him dealing with these dark feelings all by himself scared me.. I didn't want him to go through it alone. I think I am the only person he has opened up to about how he has been feeling. We talked it through and he took me back because he said giving up on our relationship would be a mistake. He is someone who needs a lot of space and time to himself so I have been trying my best to give him all of the time he needs. While he rests I have been trying to process everything we talked about and what happened and writing down everything I can. As someone who also has depression (but have been able to maintain it well after many years of therapy and medication), I am trying to create a stable starting foundation for him to begin seeking help. His full-time work won't allow him the time to see a therapist so I found a place that can see him after hours or the weekend. I think the one thing we struggled with was boundaries (personal space, he needs certain amounts of time to recharge from his stresses) because he felt as though he wasn't open enough about it with me. I told him that we can talk about it together whenever he is ready. Am I doing the right kind of things or is there anything I need to consider or do better? I really want to help him win this battle he has been struggling with for so long and I want to do anything I can to be as supportive as I can as his partner. thank you for reading my massive post! ^-^;

Monny Cyclic major depressive disorder
  • replies: 10

Hi, I'm writing on my sons behalf to see if there is anyone else out there with the same symptons and cycle as my 17year old son who was diagnosed with major depression nearly 2 years ago and psychiatrist thinks it could be bipolar 2. He has tried 5 ... View more

Hi, I'm writing on my sons behalf to see if there is anyone else out there with the same symptons and cycle as my 17year old son who was diagnosed with major depression nearly 2 years ago and psychiatrist thinks it could be bipolar 2. He has tried 5 antidepressants with no change just more frequent episodes and with bad side effects so stopped. His psychiatrist thinks the cycle is strange because my boy has around 1 to 2 weeks of being perfectly fine then within a day will have 1 to 2 weeks with deep depression, no energy, no motivation, no self worth, social isolation.Then goes back to normal again. Is there anyone else with the same cycle? I would really appreciate any answers. Also has anyone tried transcranial stimulation? My son is on the waiting list for that treatment.