My partner has been using cannabis to cope with feelings of frustration and depression. I believe this is the 5th time he's tried to quit, he's never made it a full 3 days. Day 2 right now and his temper is short, he's saying he doesn't want to quit anymore, I said we can't afford it anymore, he is trying to figure out some way to get money for it.
Every time he goes back on it, he says he doesn't enjoy it anymore, he says it makes him unmotivated and anxious and that he's ashamed of it and he feels bad for how much it has affected us financially. A few days later and he says it'll be the last time. Then, every time he quits it, within 48 hours he says he can't bear how he feels, he can't stand the boredom and sadness and frustration, and he doesn't care about the consequences because anything is better than feeling that way - so he gets more. Repeat. This has been going on for nearly 5 months.
Today is the first time I admitted him the financial aspect affects me negatively and that I'm not OK with it anymore. I think it sent him into a panic, and I wonder if I shouldn't have said it - Maybe knowing he 'could' get it was helping him cope with quitting, and I pulled that rug out when I said I wouldn't be OK with him getting more. But it's true.
In the beginning I was OK with it because he didn't use much at all and only late at night, and it seemed to help him relax which he rarely does. But after a few months of it, his tolerance went up, and he used a lot more which not only meant he was smoking it from afternoon to night, but it also meant we were spending hundreds and hundreds a month on it, borrowing from friends and family and causing tension with them and between each other.
I never pushed him to quit - he came to that on his own. I supported him. He's tried to quit I'd say fortnightly for the past month and a half or so. I said nothing when he caved, I supported him and respected that it was his journey, I made appointments with doctors and therapists he didn't go to (in the process of trying to find him another therapist he might not go to), I didn't tell him how much it was affecting our relationship - maybe I should have.
I'm just... Over this. I know it's an addiction, and I know he feels powerless. But... I'm sick of there only being 2 sides of him lately: High and vacant or sober and angry. I respect that he's trying, and I know it takes people a lot of tries. I just don't know. I'm considering suggesting rehab but I don't know the cost.
