Partner struggling to quit cannabis... We can't afford it... Not sure what I should do in this situation
My partner has been using cannabis to cope with feelings of frustration and depression. I believe this is the 5th time he's tried to quit, he's never made it a full 3 days. Day 2 right now and his temper is short, he's saying he doesn't want to quit anymore, I said we can't afford it anymore, he is trying to figure out some way to get money for it.
Every time he goes back on it, he says he doesn't enjoy it anymore, he says it makes him unmotivated and anxious and that he's ashamed of it and he feels bad for how much it has affected us financially. A few days later and he says it'll be the last time. Then, every time he quits it, within 48 hours he says he can't bear how he feels, he can't stand the boredom and sadness and frustration, and he doesn't care about the consequences because anything is better than feeling that way - so he gets more. Repeat. This has been going on for nearly 5 months.
Today is the first time I admitted him the financial aspect affects me negatively and that I'm not OK with it anymore. I think it sent him into a panic, and I wonder if I shouldn't have said it - Maybe knowing he 'could' get it was helping him cope with quitting, and I pulled that rug out when I said I wouldn't be OK with him getting more. But it's true.
In the beginning I was OK with it because he didn't use much at all and only late at night, and it seemed to help him relax which he rarely does. But after a few months of it, his tolerance went up, and he used a lot more which not only meant he was smoking it from afternoon to night, but it also meant we were spending hundreds and hundreds a month on it, borrowing from friends and family and causing tension with them and between each other.
I never pushed him to quit - he came to that on his own. I supported him. He's tried to quit I'd say fortnightly for the past month and a half or so. I said nothing when he caved, I supported him and respected that it was his journey, I made appointments with doctors and therapists he didn't go to (in the process of trying to find him another therapist he might not go to), I didn't tell him how much it was affecting our relationship - maybe I should have.
I'm just... Over this. I know it's an addiction, and I know he feels powerless. But... I'm sick of there only being 2 sides of him lately: High and vacant or sober and angry. I respect that he's trying, and I know it takes people a lot of tries. I just don't know. I'm considering suggesting rehab but I don't know the cost.
Im really sorry you and your partner are going through this.
I understand that addiction is a really horrible thing to go through.
Have you both thought about visiting your gp for some suggestions?
Your partner needs to want to stop for anything to work.
It really is possible he can beat his addiction.
You can only support him and show him understanding and encourage him to seek professional help.
Wishing you all the best.
Hello Violet, if people can get into rehab it may be a positive result, making them realise that their addiction is not good for them and causing problems elsewhere, however, if they are forced into rehab, and this may happen in many different ways, then it may be against their will and as soon as they are released, it's possible they will take up this addiction again, especially when they contact their old friends.
We certainly hope this doesn't happen by continuing their therapy and being in contact with the support agencies that are available.
Addictions are very difficult to overcome because you need to be strong willed and determined in believing that this cause is doing more harm than good.
There is some medication his doctor can prescribe to stop any urge to smoke, it's the same drug used to stop people from drinking, but will only work if the person wants this to happen, but therapy is also suggested to align itself with this medication as well as other counselling to overcome this problem.
I can tell you what to do, but can I suggest you contact your doctor because this is affecting you in many ways and if he refuses to oblige then you need to make a decision.
As your partner finds their way it can be a frustrating, saddening and exhausting experience.
We are all drawn to help, intervene or control the behaviour but at the end of the day, these approaches seem to be singularly effective at burning us out.
I highly recommend having a look at or calling Family Drug Support (google it). Its a free 24hr support line and they have great video resources on their website.