struggling with special needs children

[Matchy69]

Does anyone else have children with special needs.I am struggling with mine.My youngest cant use a toilet when their at the age they should be.I am getting tired of changing them,does that make me a bad parent?The constant hyperepisodes are taking their strain especially that i am going through other personal stuff in my life

[Jstar49]

Hi Mark,

wow you are organised and disciplined, to have those bank accounts for them. I am very irregular with my youngest d’s account deposits. Always wanted to do it with my eldest but never found the money as a single mum. Although looking back I can see that it was a choice, as that was the days of a single parent pension, and I was paying quite low rent. It’s all relative hey. So hard for single parents now with the payments.
3 charts! How will you keep track?! If it’s helping to motivate him tho then that’s awesome.
our kids are funny aren’t they, they get ideas and just think it will happen exactly the way they imagine. My d wanted to move out at 16 with a friend. Had no idea about bonds and references etc. so positive that she didn’t need us! It was a series of delicate conversations on my part- a bit more blunt by my partner lol! She ended up finding her way. Your d will too, hopefully with your assistance and listening ear for her problems.
The tiredness you describe sounds very hard to deal with. But given the situation, may I suggest that you are very gentle with yourself? It’s not surprising you feel tired and are finding everyday life hard.
Have you considered what support systems you have in place for yourself? If you haven’t any friends you can talk too do you have professional support, just for you?
warm and caring thoughts

J*

[Matchy69]

Hi Jstar yes the kids will have more money then me and it so easy to transfer money into their accounts these days,don't even have to get out of bed.
I will give the charts another go.I think I get the kids back Monday.I just gave my ex my car as she needs a new car so I only have my bike at the moment for transport.
Schools coming around fast and Christmas seems like a distant memory now.I will have to go to the high school next week and fix up my daughter's fees for one final time for her.Think this time next year I will not have to worry about her schooling only my son's.
Take care,
Mark.

[Jstar49]

Hey Mark,

So true! I was just writing about how it feels close to the end, or the start- whichever way you look at it. A bit sad, but I know we all do better with routine so.....

One last year for your d! I hope it's a really great year for her, and that she grows in confidence and ability. It's an awkward age, so hard to watch!

Charts must be a bit tricky when they're not with you all the time. Does their mum use charts at all? Co-parenting is hard hey. So many conversations, and all the reasons in the world to avoid them. The same reasons that caused the break up possibly!

Hows you garden going?

I harvested some basil and made pesto today. Good batch too. Feels esp good to have something from the garden when there's not much growing atm.

How are you going getting support for you? Have you spoken to anyone yet?

Cheers,

J*

[Matchy69]

Hi Jstar my ex I try to keep a similar routine and does the same chart as I do.It can be hard at times depending on what mood my ex is in when trying to discuss the kids needs.Some times she won't talk to me at all and she can be really nasty towards me at times.I hope she isn't to nasty to me at the moment as I have lent me my car as she doesn't have one at the moment.I have 2 motorbikes on the road so I have transport .
My garden is looking really good after the great bit of rain we had.I am starting to get my vegie garden ready for my winter crop digging in plenty of organic mater.Probably plant up around Easter.
I haven't booked into to see my doctor yet.I am going to leave it to school goes back and everything gets back to normal if their is such thing these days .
I am process of getting another shed to put up so I will have a workshop for my motorbikes.
Take care,
Mark.

[Jstar49]

Hey Mark,

You sound busy!

Motorbikes are so much fun. Not so useful with two kids tho....Hope your ex gets her car sorted out soon.

Not nice when she can be nasty I bet. Pretty great that you can cooperate on the charts tho- that will make it work better.

Good to hear you have a plan. There mite be some men's groups in your area too- mens shed? I know you're sort of too young probably, but I have heard they are pretty accepting. Could be great for your son too. I don't really know, I guess they're all different.

Me too with the gardening, just been watching the weeds grow but starting to get interested again, shall turn the compost soon and maybe get a few seeds in the ground. Late summer plantings can last well into winter here, last years zucchini was amazing. I tried growing brussel sprouts but that was a waste of time, as was the brocoli, and mostly the cauli. I need to simplify this year I think, and grow what works well and gives a good harvest. Winter doesn't get cold enough where we live.

Cheers,

J*

[Matchy69]

Hi Jstar just a lot of drama from my ex.She was texting crazy stuff all last night.Shes had a falling out with her dad now and she will have to have my car now as her dad won' buy her one now.I have to find some money to buy her one now.Getting more and more depressed everything.

Tand care,

Mark

[Jstar49]

Hi Mark,

wow that sounds a bit intense! No wonder you’re feeling depressed! I think you mentioned finances aren’t great atm as is.....

Forgive me if I’m being rude, but how is it your problem? I mean, I know you’re a nice guy, and you try and help out whenever you can by the sounds of it, but you are no longer together. So separate finances surely means no obligation.
there may be limited choices,

but there are choices.

she is choosing how she treats you, for a start.
you can choose how you will respond.

take care Mark, you are worth it

J*

[Matchy69]

Hi Jstar I just feel responsible for things with my ex as she is the mother of my children and it does make things much easier for me and lest painful for me mentally.Their are stories I can tell about being married to her but I won't but it was not easy at all.I got my children back for another week.My son wanted me to make pancakes so I have done that and save some for him for tomorrow.I still need to go to the high school and pay my daughter's final fees.I haven't heard from the primary school yet as they usually have a meeting about my son about strategies and goals for the year before school goes back.
Take care,
Mark.

[Matchy69]

Feeling very anxious about school going back next week.It has come around so fast.I ended up not doing anything I had planned on doing due to appointments that never end with the kids and stuff going on with my ex.Thats my life i suppose it' the way it's meant to be.

[ecomama]

Hey Mark

It seems pretty rough.. you're being very kind but a bit too much like a verbal punching bag atm.

The holidays DO go too fast for some parents! For others they're too long lol.

The most I would do about the car situation with ex is pay half. You could say you'll meet her half way.

It sounds harsh but she really needs to stand on her own 2 feet, altho I still think you're being a wonderful dad by looking after her problems too!

Let the schools contact you. The kids still have a right to attend school whether the school's prepared or not.

Enjoy these last few days.

About the texts... your ex wife can be charged under Laws around harassment. (My eldest d and myself have had to deal with this).
I would NOT respond after say 8pm. Just turn your phone to silent.

She has no right to harass you Mark, no matter what her problems are.

If they pertain to the kids that's another thing but she till doesn't have the right to harass you no matter what.

BOUNDARIES. Even with your phone is important.

Take care
EMxxxx