Repressed memory or delusional?

[Lou2651519]

Where do I start? It's about a very close friend and it is a long story - i will try and keep it brief. My friend and I have grown up together as our mums were best friends. She was adopted, as well as her sister, from different biological parents. My friends biological parents were both drug induced psychotics; one passed from suicide and the other from an OD. My friend was born addicted to heroin which has resulted in her pre disposition to drug dependency and mental illness.

Their adoptive mother was unable to have children because of early childhood sexual abuse. When we were all very young, maybe 2 or 3, it was discovered that her mothers husband at the time had been sexually abusing my friends older sister - she is one year older. She later remarried my friends now adoptive father. Despite all this, we shared a very happy childhood together. For the most part we attended the same schools, played sport together and spent the majority of our time together.

She has always been a popular and well liked person due to her great humour and magnetism. As a teenager, she suffered from depression and self harmed. Her family life was quite turbulent as her mother suffers from bipolar, alcoholism and prescription drug addiction. Her father and older sister worked away, so she was the caretaker.

Since, they have quite a volatile relationship, from not talking to being extremely close. During our early twenties, my friend was also in an extremely toxic relationship that she hasn't overcome. Late last year she suffered her first psychotic break at 25yrs (triggered by heavy marijuana use) and was hospitalised for 2 weeks. During this break, she was convinced that she was sexually abused as a child, that everyone was lying to her, and that we were sisters.

I have noticed that she is now showing bipolar behaviour; depression, extreme highs, promiscuity, obsession over romantic interests. She is gay but has recently developed physical repulsion towards men. We have lived together for the last year and I'm moving out next week.

This week she told me she remembered something about us - & mentioned my dad. Implying something that I can even write. My dad is a decent & kind person and it is in fathomable he could anything of the sort. She also believes that it happened to me - which is completely false.

I don't know if she is trying to manipulate me so I don't 'leave' her as she has deep rooted abandonment fears. Is she delusional or could she be telling the truth?

[White_Rose]

Dear Lou

Please accept my apologies that you have been kept waiting for a reply.I know when people write in here they expect someone to respond to them fairly and usually this is the case. I hope you are still looking at this site.

The short answer to your question is "I don't know", but you expected this would be the answer. The whole arena of child abuse is emotional for anyone. And that includes someone in your situation. Your friend may be remembering something from her own childhood involving her adoptive father. She may have fantasized about the incident she has described to you and has thought about it so long she now believes it to be true. Or she could simply be angry with you for some reason, perhaps because you are leaving, and wants to hurt or punish you.

Unfortunately she could be telling the truth as people are often not what they appear. You love your father and believe he is incapable of doing what your friend has suggested. On balance I think it more likely your friend has made up the story, as I said above, for reasons of her own and/or may not be aware of it's origin.

I am so sorry this extremely damaging story has been given to you, especially as you have never had doubts about your father. It really is sad because you now have that seed of doubt in your mind. I am hesitant about suggesting you have a chat to anyone such as your GP in case they are obliged to report this. I think it could cause untold damage in your family if you were to discuss this with either of your parents. You need some expert advice and I cannot give it.

I suggest you phone the BB helpline and ask them the question and how you can determine the truth. If you continue to quiz your friend it will only reinforce her belief, if she is telling the truth in whatever way she sees truth, or she will realise she has a hold over you and will use this knowledge.

Can you put this aside in your mind? I know this is difficult, but the more you think about it, the more stressed and unhappy you will get.

Mary