I'm a wife of a man with depression

[Reeby]

Hi all,

I need advice/support/help to try and make my husband better. He has had severe depression for 3 years now and he doesn't seem to be getting better. The doctor just keeps increasing his AD's, and now it looks like his work are going to try and sack him, even though he is still managing to work.... to the point of having nothing left inside for anything else. I look forward to getting any help I can in this forum, and thank you all in anticipation. x

[danman]

Hi Reeby

Sorry to hear things aren't well with your husband. In my experiences anti depressant medication has not worked despite trying many of them.

I found myself in the same situation as your husband and was continually frustrated at GPs just increasing dosages and sending me on my way.

I got a psych referral and went through two in the public health system and they had much the same attitude.

I then went to a private psych and he was awesome. He educated me a hell of a lot more about the scientific aspect of my illness and went about helping me with process of elimination.

Blood, thyroid, and adrenaline gland tests were done and and also encouragement to take a probiotic as a lot of these things intertwine with depression and anxiety.

Once we eliminated everything, it was determined that I had treatment resistant unipolar depression. I am now taking the more radical step of having Electroconvulsive Therapy done in six weeks time and I am very hopeful that the high success rate with this procedure comes to fruition for me.

Key is for both of you to find an understanding psych. Keep looking until you find one, dont settle.

Also, read up on types of depression and mental illnesses and its causes etc...

It will better help you both understand what is going on with hubby.

Dont give up on him. He needs you now more than ever. If not for my partner, I would not be here today.

Dont give up, youre not alone. Any questions please hit me up.

Dan

[white knight]

Hi

Dan has posted a lot of good advice there.

Read thread son this forum , make it a nightly ritual and you will be rewarded by knowledge. Knowledge helps us understand which helps us with our perceptions.

Some people with mental illness are not capable of sustaining full time employment especially if they work with many people as personalities including judgemental or controlling types.

Try googling the following .-

"Topic: be radical- beyondblue"

"Topic: 30 minutes can change your life- beyondblue"

Topic: Supermarket shelves- beyondblue"

"Topic: Getting depression into perspective, please read this it might help you- beyondblue"

"Topic: Happiness, what should be our goal- beyondblue"

I hope they help. Tony WK

[Anissa]

Hi Reeby

my husband has been suffering from depression for 6months now and hasn't worked for 2 months .

we had tried many therapists who kept increasing meds which worsened his symptoms ,but 3rd time lucky and a few hospital stays we have been given the correct diagnosis which is the most important thing to correct.

I feel so helpless and frustrated with seeing how my husband's illness has robbed so much joy in our life but can only hope it will improve once his new meds work .

I would also suggest seeing a therapist to support yourself & the stress it's taking on our family .

take care

[Carmela]

Hi Reeby, unfortunately, you cannot make your husband better but you can support him. This is one of the most frustrating things of being a carer for a depressed partner. We want to fix it all, but the best we can do is arm ourselves with knowledge, be there as a loving partner to hear their words and support them at Dr appointments, etc. and lightly encourage them to do certain activities, so their mind doesn't totally shut down to life. Patience is an important part of caring. As we cannot control nor change their situation and we know they are struggling a hell of a lot, chipping away at the small things can lead to recovery. No matter how small, take the time to acknowledge it and give praise.

Anissa made an important point, don't forget about you. Don't be afraid to reach out and get help and advice. Can you talk to family and friends about your situation? Counselling is a great option so you can talk through your feelings in a supportive environment and get some tips for coping and building your resilience. I am not sure where you are located in Australia but there are services available through Mind Australia and Carers Australia who provide free counselling to carers.

I hope l have been of some help.

Carmela x

[Singstress]

Hi Reeby,

I am also in the same situation and as hard as it is to acknowledge, you can't make your husband better. You can only be there to provide support and make the hard decisions to ensure your husbands safety. Many depression sufferers lack the motivation to ensure they are seeking the best medical advice.

If medications are not working, ensure your GP provides you with a referral to a psychiatrist. Most GP's do not have the knowledge to treat ongoing depression and it may be a change in meds are in order. My husband has changed meds so many times to little or no avail, leading to a diagnosis of TRD. He has undergone ECT which worked wonders for a brief period of time - he needs to go in for a further course.

From a practical point of view, make sure your husband has salary protection - this will give you piece of mind if he is fired. Again, this happened to my husband and the knowledge that money was still coming in helped in that it did not add to the depression/anxiety.

Make sure YOU have support, and an outlet too. I find it difficult as we have a young child so I have next to no social life as my husband is unable to look after him for an extended (read several hours) time. If you can, make time for a lunch with friends so that you can be you again and not just your husbands' carer. It is vitally important that your mental health is looked after too so that you can support your husband.

Please feel free to contact me should you wish to discuss further or if you just need some direction, or support. Best of luck!