Partner with ptsd

pnt88 · ‎26-12-2014

My partner was diagnosed with ptsd a while ago, however recently his outbursts are becoming more frequent. On a normal day we are perfect, get along great, have fun, laugh, enjoy spending time together, all the normal things. When he gives in to his ptsd and anxiety, he lashes out in really hurtful ways. He says a lot of incredibly hurtful things, and keeps telling me that I'm going to walk away, despite me always reminding him I'm not going anywhere. I know this is just his way of coping and dealing with his ptsd, and know it's not actually personal. But I'm finding with each outburst recently that it's getting harder and harder not to bite back and take the things he says to heart. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, as I'm really struggling and not sure what to do anymore.

white knight · ‎28-12-2014

Hi pnt88, welcome to Beyond Blue forums

I recall 36 years ago now that when a prisoner yelled and screamed at us prison officers, if we answered his questions in a calm, slow and confident voice, the prisoner usually ended up calming down. It works.

Accepting your husband will say horrible things is a good step forward but difficult. Some can, some cant.

Diagnosis is one thing medication and psychiatric care is another. Is he seeking this. Is he under a doctor? If so has he had an increase in medication in answer to his increased moods?

That's all I have in mind ATM.

Tony WK

pnt88 · ‎27-01-2015

Hi Tony,

Thanks for your response. I think I've gotten to a point where I can accept that this is just a 'symptom' as such, of the ptsd and anxiety. I'm beginning to think, however, that it is starting to take it's toll on me emotionally. I also suffer depression and am seeking help through taking medication and regular appointments with my psychologist. In hindsight, my partner and I together are probably a bad combination in terms of our mental health. Don't get me wrong, I love him with all my heart. And I will always stand by his side, regardless of these moments and how bad things can sometimes get. I think I'm just trying to find another way of trying to deal with these things when they happen? I don't want to get to the point that I bite back at him when he gives in to the ptsd and begins saying hurtful things, as I know in the end my words will not help the situation at all.

He promised he would start speaking to a psychologist again recently, however unfortunately due to the work he does and where he is currently placed with work, I don't think he has access to this kind of help.

I'm just lost. I don't know what to do from here.

Pnut

LivingHome · ‎12-03-2015

Hi,

I have a husband with PTSD/Anxiety/depression, and when he lashes out or starts setting up arguments we have a code word/phrase that we set up when he was in a good space and after discussing his behaviour that acts like a warning flag. He knows that no matter what his thought processes are that if I use this phrase he has to stop, walk away and acknowledge that he is not in a good place and that he is taking it out on me or the kids. To date it has been very effective.

itsallrelative · ‎14-09-2017

Hi LivingHome

I am new to this online community and have just read through this thread; I'm thoroughly interested to know more about your code word/phrase - I feel this may help me with my partner whom suffers from PTSD and Anxiety, I would like to know what I can do to better manage the situation when we get into arguements and to work better at having it not get out of control where I feel hurt by words which are said in these moments and retaliate.

My my partner is wonderful, loving, and caring but lately I've been unable to handle these moments as I've just felt it being heavy and draining on my emotional wellbeing. If there's a coping mechanism I can use this would be a great help.

Thank you.

DonPiano · ‎25-09-2017

I too would love to get some suggestions. My wife has PTSD and she's right, I have no idea how that is to live with, but I want to make things easier. When she's falling further into depression, I get scolded for being concerned about her. I wouldn't even know how to start talking about a code word.

Spikeo · ‎04-10-2017

Ill put my hand up for advice on this one also!

My wife THINKS she has PTSD but im not 100% convinced. The reason im not convinced is that she only mentions it to use against me (i apparently caused the trauma) but no mention any other time. And no matter how many times or ways i try to get her to see someone, she just has a go at me cos its my fault or tells me something else im doing wrong. I get told to leave and that im useless nearly every weekend, but sometimes even as soon as later that day everything is good again.

She has many issues even without the possible ptsd but its all someone elses fault and she doesn't need professional help.

I completely understand pnt88. Every time i get told these things a part of me leaves. Or i get the suicidal thoughts that up til recently i havent had for years.