She finally got me at breaking pint

[Smile_24]

I'm in need of some serious advice.

My beautiful partner has Bi polar, Depression and anxiety.

Going back to March she went away for a weekend and spent it drinking with a friend. Now we went through a 6 week low after that stint and it was pure hell. If she wasn't a crying mess, she was yelling at me if she wasn't yelling at me she was asleep.... or if those three things weren't a option she wasn't talking to me. Now we come through that but I came out damaged, I admit that it was a very trying time for me emotionally and mentally.

Now she has been away for a period of time and I asked that no drinking occurred, or a 2 drink max limit because every time she drinks we have a low (these last days to weeks) and I cant keep doing that same thing.

She wont stop the drink, she wont meet half way.

I just need it to stop until we can sort medications out and these lows stop occurring.

I need support because I am at my wits ends, and I have told her it needs to stop or we aren't going to last. And I say that with a very heavy heart. She is my person, my one but I can not do this and this behaviour for the next 40yrs 😞

[white knight]

Hi Smile, welcome

I get you

I had a partner and the first 7 years she was a closet alcoholic that I had no idea. Trouble was, once I found out it all made sense, her moods were to do with drink, a different person sober.

in the end with her refusing help we split.

If you split (I know the feeling), take heart. You can find happiness.sorry I have no good news.

Google

Topic: is there room for stubborness?- beyondblue

Topic: does stubborness have a place?- beyondblue

Tony WK

[BballJ]

Hi Smile.24,

I am sorry to read what you are currently going through with your partner, we see many people come to these forums seeking support for their partners and it is never easy to give an answer on as a lot of what we say still depends on the person's willingness to either seek help or change, in your case it almost sounds like your partner needs to seek appropriate help as what is happening between you two is not healthy at all? Has their ever been mention of maybe seeing a couples counsellor to talk through your issues with someone who can listen to both sides of the story? Is your partner currently seeing a counsellor on her own for her bi-polar, depression and anxiety?

You obviously care a lot about this person and really want to help them which is great and I always encourage that over breaking up. I would suggest maybe reading the supporting someone section on this page, it has details about supporting someone with a mental illness, scroll to the top of the page and go to where it says "The facts" and scroll down to the supporting someone section and have a read.

My best for you and your partner,

Jay

[Morpheus]

Hi Smile, as a recovering alcoholic and addict I can advise that first and foremost we need to understand that she has an illness. She did not choose this illness and its not her fault that she suffers it but she is responsible for her own recovery and no one else. You can offer advice, support and love but only she can judge whether she has an alcohol problem and what she needs to do about it. It's an unimaginably difficult step to understand for those who do not suffer the condition as an alcoholic lives to drink and drinks to live.

I'd recommend that you research into Alcoholics Anonymous website as it offers a lot of insight into the condition gor both sufferers and acquaintances of sufferers.

Please know that you're not alone in this and neither is her, there is a lot of support available.

[KLG]

i'm hearing you - same happening for me, partner has bipolar type 1, but alcohol isnt the issue, pot is. we are at breaking point - i dont even know if he cares anymore - after he finally shut up from blaming me for everything whenever he opens his mouth, and i had an opportunity to tell him exactly how i have been feeling he said it must be awful for me and that he doesnt know what i am still doing in the relationship. we have hardly seen each other for a few weeks and i told him on the phone yesterday that i am at the point of walking away, he asked me to come over so i did - and he got stoned. he is lying to his psychiatrist by omission (has not told her his is smoking pot) and is also three weeks into a new medication, on top of one of his old ones - he has been absolutely horrible and nasty throughout this time. there is almost zero affection or emotion that seems to come from his heart, and i, like you - dont know what to do anymore. i cant and dont want to do this for the next fourty years either - i coudnt. please let me know how you get on, i really understand get where ur coming from. (i also feel like my partner is my "person", but he has hurt me so much throughout this time i dont feel the same either, i feel damaged by the experience also).

[Kittyang]

It is very difficult being a support for someone whose illness dictates their social relations particularly a partner. You do need to know that you did your best and sometimes it's okay to say enough is enough. You have to put your mental health in perspective too.

[Spikeo]

Hi Smile

firstly i hope you are coping a bit better.

Is she on meds now? I only ask as on the medications forum people have said they themselves feel bad lows after drinking. May or may not help you get through to her but maybe if the she sees the blame on meds and not herself she might not be so defensive.

Hope this helps. I also have a wife who will not accept she has issues.