Partner looking for advice to help

[May_Ocean]

Hi everyone,

I am after some advice on how to help my boyfriend who is suffering from pretty server depression for the first time, and it's really taken him back. He has told me he has been suffering for around 6 months, and isn't sure why he is feeling so sad. He has a good job, is fit and healthy, has a loving family and a long term girlfriend (me).

He has asked us to go on a break so he can get his head in the right space, and therefor is not contacting me at all. I don't know how long this will go on for, and really want to help him.

Should I try to contact him or give him a few weeks space and wait for him to make contact? It's been a week since I heard from him.

Thanks!

[Croix]

Dear May Ocean~

Welcome here to the Forum. It was a pretty good idea for you to come here and ask advice, many have been in the same position. I guess to some extent it is a judgment call as to what to do in this situation, it depends a lot on the personalities involved.

May I ask if your boyfriend has been diagnosed and is under treatment? I found that I was unable to improve without medical support and I would imagine your boyfriend would be the same. I also remember when very much in the grip of depression not being able to tell if I loved someone, or even if I was capable of love, and wanted to be alone.

I was not alone and in time found the support of my wife to be a great factor in my improvement.

If your boyfriend is not under treatment I would think the first thing to do is encourage him to see his GP with a view to be tested for depression, then see what happens. Such illnesses can respond very well. How often you raise the subject and what you say in encouragement to do this is of course up to your experience. Pressing too hard can be negative.

Of course you may consider that someone else in the family is the best one to persuade him to see the doctor, whoever may be the most effective.

Assuming he is under treatment the best you can do is let him know you are there for him and care. I'm not sure that means always leaving him alone. Seeking out opportunities to be together can be a possibility, I guess it will be how he reacts that determines that.

This can be a very stressful and worrying time for you too. Do you have anyone to support you? Maybe a member of your family or a friend you can talk with, who will care and understand.

If you wish to know more about depression The Facts menu above has a lot of information, listing causes, symptoms and treatments. In addition you may like to have a browse around this Forum and see how others have got on.

Please feel you can come back and say how things are going, we'd be very interested.

Croix

[BballJ]

Hi May Ocean,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

It is never easy when you have a partner, friend or family member going through a battle with mental illness. Well done to you for reaching out for advice of helping them. It is one of those situations where the person who is battling a mental illness has to reach out for help, mostly all you can do is support them as much as possible and be as understanding as possible, I know they have asked for space which you may want to give a little bit but also letting them know you are still there for them is key. I know you said they at fit and healthy, has a good job etc but depression isn't being sad when things are going wrong, depression is being sad when things are going right... that is a quote I heard a few days ago and rings very true to this post.

Just keep supporting them as I said and gently suggesting them to perhaps seeing their GP and/or a counsellor and maybe even suggesting these forums as a start.

My best for you and your partner,

Jay

[geoff]

hello May Ocean, I'm very sorry to know that your b/friend is going through depression, and it is hard for someone suffering from this to say that they love you, I'm sure he does but this illness for some reason stops people from saying it, simply because they feel as though they are stranded on an island all by themselves.
Sometimes there doesn't seem to be any reason why he is feeling depressed, that's the query that this illness has, but by not being with you doesn't mean that he shouldn't be seeking help from his doctor, so perhaps that's something you could 'ask' him when he contacts you, but as it's been a week I would try and see if he wants to have a coffee.
The longer you don't have contact only means that your anxiety would be high with the worry, simply you want to know how he is and can I say that when people have depression they want to be on their own, for a couple of reasons, they don't want you to be concerned and secondly they don't want to have to answer questions which they have no answer for.
Just tell him that you're there for him and that you love him and don't feel worried if he doesn't reply, but we're worried about yourself and feel that you should be seeking help from your doctor. Geoff.