At breaking point..

[littlerainbow]

Hi everyone.

My husband has depression, anxiety and is also a functioning alcoholic - all things he is working hard at to overcome but the cycle keeps repeating.

He has a demanding job and is away frequently. As soon as something difficult happens he turns straight to alcohol. In turn this affects his headspace for days and increases anxiety. I get upset and he gets angry with me for expressing my frustration.

I feel I am trapped in a cycle and I don't know if it will ever change. He is seeing a psychologist and doesn't drink much at home, usually when away for work. His behaviour becomes self destructive and I am worried I'm going to be left with no choice but to leave - I feel I have to accept my limitations.

Does anyone have any advice or suggestions around what he could do instead of drinking when he has a bad day? He used to do weights every day and is half-heartedly trying to get back into it...I'm after some coping strategies. He refuses to go to AA.

please help, any advice would be appreciated.

[BballJ]

Hi littlerainbow,

Firstly, welcome to the forums. I am sorry to read what your husband is going through and also yourself.

This is always a little hard to comment on, firstly I think you are doing a great job supporting your husband and I know it is tough and hard on you as well but your support probably means the world to him. The alcohol side is a tough one to give advice on because unless he truly wants to stop drinking, it is hard, I would always insist on exercise being a good remedy in stead of drinking but it can be hard at the same time. Is there anything at all he enjoys doing? It could be listening to music, watching a TV show, something as basic as that... he really just needs to replace the feeling of reaching for alcohol when he has a bad day. Overall I think gym or exercise is the best solution just because of how positive it is on our minds and body. When you say half heartedly doing it, is he just going every now and then? Maybe a personal trainer may be an option for extra motivation.

I am sorry my advice isn't the greatest, but please know you can also have a look at the top of this page under the section called "The facts" and go to the supporting someone section and maybe have a read through there for ideas?

My best for you and your partner,

Jay

[MsPurple]

Hi littlerainbow

Sorry to hear that your husband is struggling with alcohol. It can be a hard thing to beat. Unfortuntately it is a deprestant so it can make depression and other mental health conditions worse.

Jay is right. It is hard to make him get help unless he truely wants it himself. Have you disucssed with him quitting alcohol or going to a support group like AA? It is a hard discussion to have but showing support and coming from a non-judgmental place maybe really helpful for him to see how much it is affecting you.

Have you gone to a therapist or GP to disccuss your concerns about your husband? I know a lot of partners of alcoholics and gamblers find it really beneficial to see a therapist. It is important to look after your mental health as well. They can also coach you and how to approach the topic with your husband and how to encourage him to drink less. They maybe even to offer you contact for a support group for partners.

hope this helps. Keep us updated

MP