Overseas Friend ignoring messages

[TurtleFriend]

I'm new to this forum and not sure exactly what I'm looking for. I made friends with someone who has since moved home to England. It began romantically, but has become just a friendship since he got back (over 6 months ago). I knew when we met that he was trying to deal with his depression, he was always very open with me about it, asked for help on things going on his life and we would message each other every day or so about whatever was going on in our lives. About 2 months ago he told me that his depression was getting worse and that he was going to (finally) speak to a professional about it. He was worried that his drinking and partying was getting out of hand, that he was blacking out and not remembering things and that he knew this was part of his depression.

I am travelling to England for work in late June and initially he had been really excited about me coming, suggesting things we could do together and wanting to introduce me to his friends. Straight after he told me his depression was getting worse he told me that he didn't think he had enough money to come to London to see me when I would be there, that he was organising trips away with new friends in the months leading up to me being there and that he was going to be pretty broke because of that. I reacted really badly. I told him that i was worried about him, that he was prioritising partying over seeing me and that he was unreliable and needed to get the help he had been talking about getting. He responded by telling me that my friendship made him sick and anxious and that he didn't want to see me or continue the friendship anymore. I haven't heard from him since. I have left messages (about every 10 days) apologising and saying I am here if he needs me but after 6 weeks he still hasn't responded. Should I just leave him alone?

[JessF]

Hello TurtleFriend, the short answer (in my view) is yes, you should respect his wishes and leave him alone. He has been quite unambiguous in communicating this to you, as hard as that is to hear. Sometimes friendships just don't work out, especially ones that are formed on holiday or temproary stays in other countries.

I wouldn't be blaming all this on the depression either. He was, after all, depressed when he met you, and people are still capable of making decisions about their friendships and relationships whether they live with depression or not.

It sounds like he has his priorities in life and for whatever reason, these do not include you. It's not personal, he is on his own journey, and that is one that he does not wish you to be a part of. Close the chapter and move on.