Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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BPD girlfriend

replies: 4

Hi everyone. Have only just registered and must rush off to work. I intend to post my story. Been with a partner with BPD for nearly one year. She currently arrested for 3rd time. At home alone. House is trashed. Holes in wall. My dry blood is everywhere. And still I would take her back when she released. Despite a intervention order being in place. Didn't stop us for last few weeks. I'm confused. Mind warped. Hurt etc. She has a long history of these experiences in past relationships. Leaving a trail of destruction and broken men. Yet I believe I'm the first to have the answer. BPD. Given to me by a mental health worker when my partner allowed herself to be seen by one a few times after our first blowup. And as soon as a diagnosis came up partner flipped. Stopped seeing them. Even rang management to have the worker sacked. Will post again soon

Overseas Friend ignoring messages

replies: 1

I'm new to this forum and not sure exactly what I'm looking for. I made friends with someone who has since moved home to England. It began romantically, but has become just a friendship since he got back (over 6 months ago). I knew when we met that he was trying to deal with his depression, he was always very open with me about it, asked for help on things going on his life and we would message each other every day or so about whatever was going on in our lives. About 2 months ago he told me that his depression was getting worse and that he was going to (finally) speak to a professional about it. He was worried that his drinking and partying was getting out of hand, that he was blacking out and not remembering things and that he knew this was part of his depression. I am travelling to England for work in late June and initially he had been really excited about me coming, suggesting things we could do together and wanting to introduce me to his friends. Straight after he told me his depression was getting worse he told me that he didn't think he had enough money to come to London to see me when I would be there, that he was organising trips away with new friends in the months leading up to me being there and that he was going to be pretty broke because of that. I reacted really badly. I told him that i was worried about him, that he was prioritising partying over seeing me and that he was unreliable and needed to get the help he had been talking about getting. He responded by telling me that my friendship made him sick and anxious and that he didn't want to see me or continue the friendship anymore. I haven't heard from him since. I have left messages (about every 10 days) apologising and saying I am here if he needs me but after 6 weeks he still hasn't responded. Should I just leave him alone?

Depressed Wife, Looking for support/advice

replies: 4

Hi BB , I'm not really sure where to start with this so here goes. I've been with my wife married for 6 together for 10. She was diagnosed with depression and anxiety almost 5 years ago and for the most part its been bearable, tough at times but nothing we couldnt work through. She was on medication up until January of this year when she decided to come off it (which i totally supported) She is also seeing a councelor once/twice a month to help deal with everything. She has been at uni for the past 4 years doing a course after she finally figured out where her interests was and being on a single wage with a small child has made the financial situation exceptionally tough, she doesnt like talking about money and everytime i ask her to hold off on spending (for wants not necessities) it becomes an argument. The past 5 months have probably been the toughest months of our entire partnership. Her emotional state is very volitile, very similar to being on an emotional roller coaster. We've almost ended it a couple of times this year after heated discussions but allowed ourselves to cool off and work through the issue at hand. Little tiny issues or things said in a joking manner seem to implode into massive issues, i feel like having fun with my wife is alot more difficult then what it used to be. we are trying new things (date nights, going out socially more) to spend more time together but the money situation is causing me anxiety and im not sure what we are doing is enough. I dont like to speak about this with direct family as i dont want them worrying and i guess trying to take it on alone is starting to take its toll. I guess i'm just wanting to vent my frustration at this illness as i feel helpless and really want to help fix the woman i love! I'd love some advice from people who have cared or are caring for wifes,partners etc with a similar situation on how they have managed to not only deal and help their partner with it but also find time for themselves to unwind and vent. Cheers, RandomUser

2 friends both with depression how can it work?

replies: 3

I have been having a really really tough time lately- work related, financially, family illness and work like balance pressures. I am seeing a counsellor and have been diagnosed with mild depression and I would like to start medication if I can. The friend I always lean on has been distant lately and when I questioned this she too has been diagnosed with depression and I had no idea. I feel like a terrible friend for not knowing in the first place and angry and hurt she never told me when I have leant on her for so much in the past, I want to support her but she says she's fine. And deep down I'm crumbling in my own issues. What do I do? I have no other friends to lean on and my partner doesn't know what to say or do to help

Being responsible

replies: 1

My daughter 25 has depression. She always looks tired like she's taking sleeping tablets and i do ask if she's has taken anything which she replies "no". She has lost weight and very drawn. She doesn't work anymore and will stay in the couch to watch tv. My question is that when she lets the dog in for company there was mud prints on the furniture and cushions and we end up cleaning it. Is this irresponsible with no repect for other people's property or part of the depression. The dog is a large Labrador so can be messy. Just need to know so we can address this correctly

Friend with Severe Depression/Anxiety

replies: 10

Thank you so much for creating these forums. I am hoping someone can help me please. Over the last few years, I have had a very strong friendship with an interstate person who suffers from severe depression and anxiety. Recently he went off a load of medication by going into rehab, and is struggling with the side effects of such a rapid reduction, in addition to that he has other physical aliments. We have always been very close (at one stage there was a romantic interest - but nothing occurred) , he leans on me for a lot of support although it is mainly via the phone or email. In the past, I have had telephone conversations with his counsellor. There is a lot of communication going on in terms of how depressed he is and he is losing hope. I know that his counsellor is helping through this, but I believe I am also a "leaning post" for me, and he does hope that one day a romantic interest will develop. My question is this: During the past few months, I have formed a strong relationship with someone else (We are yet to met - he is also interstate!!!). My problem is this: I feel that if I tell either of them about each other, it will cause the person with depression to feel totally abandoned (he suffers from abandonment issues), yet if I don't tell the person who I recently met that I am chatting to this guy, he too will feel betrayed. As I result, I am now beginning to loose confidence and develop anxiety, and feel as though I am betraying them both, yet if I tell the person with depression that I have met someone else and only wish to remain close friends, this will cause him to slide even more. What should I do that is in the best interest for all of us. Thanks

I think my mum has depression! What do I do?

replies: 2

Recently my whole family has noticed that my mum has been going through periods of extreme sadness where she refuses to speak to people and locks herself in rooms. We are all extremely concerned and my dad has asked her to seek counselling and treatment but she refuses. What do I do? Her mother was also suspected to have depression (we never found out for sure as she passed away when my mum was only a child). Please help!

Husband with bi-polar who is just stuck - not sure how else to support

replies: 4

I have not been on here for a while so hope my post is ok. 18 months ago my hubby became extremely manic and was diagnosed with bi-polar. It was a horrible time and very scary . Now, however, 18 months lately, he is functioning again but only just. He is so flat - no emotions, no excitement or joy in life, no desire to do anything pr communicate and no fun or connection. I am trying to support and not enable him but have got to a stage where I need to see something happen - however small. I am finding it hard to stay positive within myself and have felt little bits of resentment which I know is not healthy. It breaks my heart to see the man I loved disappear. I only hope he comes back. His medication has been reduced so maybe this will help.

His depression has destroyed our marriage

replies: 9

I have been married for over 15 years and my partner has been suffering from depression for about 4 years. I have nearly left him 2 times in during that time, then separated for three months (under the same roof) and finally moved out of the house about 6 months ago. He is constantly blaming his depression for his behaviour during that time and tells me he loves me and wants me back. He is saying he now can see ”IT”, although he did say the same thing the first time we separated. He is now on medication (only started 6 weeks ago) although I have asked him to get help so many times. I feel he is doing this simply to “show” me he is trying. The problem is that his behaviour towards me, my friends and my family was unacceptable. The last few years has taken a toll on me and I have fallen out of love with him. He wants me to give him another chance but how can I do this when I don’t feel anything when I look at him? He killed my love. I don’t desire him and don’t want to spend time with him anymore. We have two kids and we do have to communicate. He is constantly contacting me, calling and texting multiple times a day. Its borderline harassment. I have told him if he really loved me he would let me go. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel guilty of leaving him but I can’t take this anymore. I am feeling burned out and struggling to cope with my own grieving of my failed marriage. Why can he just let me go? It seem to be all about him all the time. About how he his feeling with disregards of my own feelings. I have already giving him so many chances. He wants me to give him another chance. He already had 3 warnings and I have been hurt to many times to even consider it. Sometimes I even wonder if it is just depression or manipulation. I do feel he is manupulating me and using his depression to get me back. I use to do everything for him. The last few years, he would get angry if we did not have sex a many times a week and would never do anything around the house. I have a full time job and had to do all the housework and child caring (with young ones). I feel I have married a spoiled child. Is this depression? How can i get him to understand he needs to move on? SIMILAR THREADS My husband's depression is destroying our marriage Living with a depressed partner for 10 years Husband refusing to seek help Husband with depression spiralling out of control Husband with a score of 49 has moved out to avoid triggers If you love someone with depression, you need to watch this

My husband's depression is destroying our Marriage

replies: 22

Originally posted by:Karen on 27 April 2011 My husband has been depressed now for as long as I can remember and after 8 years together, this morning I feel as though I can't hang on any longer. He is withdrawn from everything, he goes to work, comes home, goes for a walk, has 2 beers and goes to bed. On weekends he will never do anything with me. Our intimacy has vanished and usually I am so upset I sleep in the other room. I've tried to explain to him for the past two years that we need to spend 'quality time' together regularly or even occasionally if we are stay connected as a couple and he says understands but then continues to refuse to go anywhere with me. I have nursed him back to health many times, I make sure he has his vitamins & good meals, I have helped him reduce his drinking dramatically but for the past few years I have not been able to connect with my husband emotionally as he is shutdown all the time and stonewalls me. He won't see a doctor, won't take medication and I know if I leave him, he will just say he is a failure at marriage and get worse but living with a man with depression is a living hell for the wife too. I do feel selfish sometimes but I feel like I deserve a life and after searching for many years to find a loving husband now I have lost him to depression, it's just not fair. I feel like, if I stay, I will soon be plagued with depression also. If I go, my husband may harm himself. I just live in this limbo day after day and we have the same arguments week after week. We are financially bankrupt and have lost everything, we don't earn enough money to even pay our bills so he everyday he gets deeper into the depression plus my husband's father is dying of prostate cancer yet I still get angry and frustrated with him. My husband's nephew committed suicide 2 years ago and I now think its a family disposition which worries me even more. I just don't know what to do to break this cycle. Interested in replying to this thread and not already a member of our forums? Join up here. SIMILAR THREADS His depression has destroyed our marriage Living with a depressed partner for 10 years Husband refusing to seek help Husband with depression spiralling out of control Husband with a score of 49 has moved out to avoid triggers If you love someone with depression, you need to watch this

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

BPD girlfriend replies: 4

Overseas Friend ignoring messages replies: 1

Depressed Wife, Looking for support/advice replies: 4

2 friends both with depression how can it work? replies: 3

Being responsible replies: 1

Friend with Severe Depression/Anxiety replies: 10

I think my mum has depression! What do I do? replies: 2

Husband with bi-polar who is just stuck - not sure how else to support replies: 4

His depression has destroyed our marriage replies: 9

My husband's depression is destroying our Marriage replies: 22