Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Husband with bi-polar who is just stuck - not sure how else to support

replies: 4

I have not been on here for a while so hope my post is ok. 18 months ago my hubby became extremely manic and was diagnosed with bi-polar. It was a horrible time and very scary . Now, however, 18 months lately, he is functioning again but only just. He is so flat - no emotions, no excitement or joy in life, no desire to do anything pr communicate and no fun or connection. I am trying to support and not enable him but have got to a stage where I need to see something happen - however small. I am finding it hard to stay positive within myself and have felt little bits of resentment which I know is not healthy. It breaks my heart to see the man I loved disappear. I only hope he comes back. His medication has been reduced so maybe this will help.

His depression has destroyed our marriage

replies: 9

I have been married for over 15 years and my partner has been suffering from depression for about 4 years. I have nearly left him 2 times in during that time, then separated for three months (under the same roof) and finally moved out of the house about 6 months ago. He is constantly blaming his depression for his behaviour during that time and tells me he loves me and wants me back. He is saying he now can see ”IT”, although he did say the same thing the first time we separated. He is now on medication (only started 6 weeks ago) although I have asked him to get help so many times. I feel he is doing this simply to “show” me he is trying. The problem is that his behaviour towards me, my friends and my family was unacceptable. The last few years has taken a toll on me and I have fallen out of love with him. He wants me to give him another chance but how can I do this when I don’t feel anything when I look at him? He killed my love. I don’t desire him and don’t want to spend time with him anymore. We have two kids and we do have to communicate. He is constantly contacting me, calling and texting multiple times a day. Its borderline harassment. I have told him if he really loved me he would let me go. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel guilty of leaving him but I can’t take this anymore. I am feeling burned out and struggling to cope with my own grieving of my failed marriage. Why can he just let me go? It seem to be all about him all the time. About how he his feeling with disregards of my own feelings. I have already giving him so many chances. He wants me to give him another chance. He already had 3 warnings and I have been hurt to many times to even consider it. Sometimes I even wonder if it is just depression or manipulation. I do feel he is manupulating me and using his depression to get me back. I use to do everything for him. The last few years, he would get angry if we did not have sex a many times a week and would never do anything around the house. I have a full time job and had to do all the housework and child caring (with young ones). I feel I have married a spoiled child. Is this depression? How can i get him to understand he needs to move on? SIMILAR THREADS My husband's depression is destroying our marriage Living with a depressed partner for 10 years Husband refusing to seek help Husband with depression spiralling out of control Husband with a score of 49 has moved out to avoid triggers If you love someone with depression, you need to watch this

My husband's depression is destroying our Marriage

replies: 22

Originally posted by:Karen on 27 April 2011 My husband has been depressed now for as long as I can remember and after 8 years together, this morning I feel as though I can't hang on any longer. He is withdrawn from everything, he goes to work, comes home, goes for a walk, has 2 beers and goes to bed. On weekends he will never do anything with me. Our intimacy has vanished and usually I am so upset I sleep in the other room. I've tried to explain to him for the past two years that we need to spend 'quality time' together regularly or even occasionally if we are stay connected as a couple and he says understands but then continues to refuse to go anywhere with me. I have nursed him back to health many times, I make sure he has his vitamins & good meals, I have helped him reduce his drinking dramatically but for the past few years I have not been able to connect with my husband emotionally as he is shutdown all the time and stonewalls me. He won't see a doctor, won't take medication and I know if I leave him, he will just say he is a failure at marriage and get worse but living with a man with depression is a living hell for the wife too. I do feel selfish sometimes but I feel like I deserve a life and after searching for many years to find a loving husband now I have lost him to depression, it's just not fair. I feel like, if I stay, I will soon be plagued with depression also. If I go, my husband may harm himself. I just live in this limbo day after day and we have the same arguments week after week. We are financially bankrupt and have lost everything, we don't earn enough money to even pay our bills so he everyday he gets deeper into the depression plus my husband's father is dying of prostate cancer yet I still get angry and frustrated with him. My husband's nephew committed suicide 2 years ago and I now think its a family disposition which worries me even more. I just don't know what to do to break this cycle. Interested in replying to this thread and not already a member of our forums? Join up here. SIMILAR THREADS His depression has destroyed our marriage Living with a depressed partner for 10 years Husband refusing to seek help Husband with depression spiralling out of control Husband with a score of 49 has moved out to avoid triggers If you love someone with depression, you need to watch this

Mum admitted to public hospital with agitated depression... will she get better?

replies: 1

Hi all My 82 mum was admitted yesterday to a public mental health facility with agitated depression. It was brought on by my parents moving house after nearly 30 years. She has no prior mental health illness, just a bit of a 'worrier'. I feel absolutely shattered that she's gone in but we were just not seeing any improvement caring for her at home. She's only been on medication for a few weeks but deteriorated in the last week, with agitated anxiety, especially in the mornings. She's otherwise in great physical health - it's been so awful to see my confident, active mum become so distressed. We are told that she is in good care but I'm feeling very hopeless at the moment. I just need to know that she will get better. Are there are any similar stories out there? I would love to read them to give me some hope she will return a little to her former self and be able to live a happy life again. Thank you.

Depressed mum-not sure how to help

replies: 3

My mum has had depression for as long as I remember but recently she's going through a tough phase due to changes in her medication. I want to help but I'm also struggling with my anxiety and at the moment all this is leading to my own depression (I'm still living at home). The rest of my family says I need to be more supportive but my mum also seems to be taking her anger out on me at the moment and is resistant to my presence. I want to help and be there for her but I'm not sure what I can do to help when I'm struggling myself. Has anyone been in a similar situation before and can give me some advice?

My partner has depression and it just plain sucks.

replies: 4

I have known my other half for 20 years. We grew up together and then grew a part for a while, both went away for about 5 years led completely different lives and came back together. We have been living together for two and a half years and things consistently go up and down. The last few months (around 4-6) have been about the worst. Mr Magoo has just been in a slump despite me begging and asking him to go get help, to talk to someone-anyone, this still hasn't happened. We went from a two income household to one. My work hours have gone through the roof, I have been doing everything I can to keep us afloat so he doesn't have to work and can take sometime to heal. Only to come home and be told off for not listening, or being to tired too chat. I know he needs me, perhaps even misses me, but when I have just come off a twelve hour shift can't there be just five minutes of lee-way? Recently he told me that he pretty much dislikes being around me, how can the one person in his life who is truely supposed to love him not even know him at all. Probably cause I never listen.... I don't know, there isn't even much point to what I am trying to say. Just venting I suppose. On his bad days he isolates himself- but not from our roommates- just from me. He once said that sometimes yelling at me, is like yelling at himself and he can do it because I understand- and to a degree I do, but I am beginning to feel very isolated despite living with three other people. he is clearly struggling and needs help. I know that, but how do you make someone seek help when it's the last thing that they want to do? What is the best way to deal with the bad days?

Very sick adult son refusing help

replies: 1

My son lives at home. Cannot work can barely do simple chores. Suffers from depression and anxiety. Refuses to acknowledge he has a problem. Will not be assessed. Has had several mental health plans and has taken medications. He says they don't help. It's killing me to watch him deteriorate and I cannot help him without his consent. He does not meet the criteria for crisis as he has shelter and food and has not threatened anyone. However he often forgets to eat and his personal care is poor. There is more than one way to self harm. He is killing himself slowly. Can anyone help me please?

Supporting my anxiety siblings

replies: 2

Hi all, I work with my twin (male, 39) and little sis(37), they both have anxiety. My sister has been using medicine for more than 4 years and nothing changes. She is single as anxiety stop her from seeing any man. She is 37, but many times behaviour is like a child. She has an angel soul and work well. My twin brother is very intelligent, but he is shy , low self esteem, single too. I love them and support them, thinking of hypnothsis remedy for them as we had medicine, therapy but nothing helps. Is anyone experienced with hypnotised therapy?

Husband who suffers anxiety and depression, possibly bipolar. He's had enough of my problems and wants me to change.

replies: 3

My story is quite long: been married for 17 years, 4 kids. He has always been a perfectionist and we've had periods where he just has had enough of my behaviour. He freezes me out, gets angry and upset and demands me to change. Then somehow we resolve it and it resurfaces. About 4 years ago he suffered his first panic attack in a very public place and had to do with his job. He returned to work but had 4 years of anxiety and depression. This year he had another panic attack, decided to resign, went on medication and started seeing a psychiatrist. Meanwhile I'm trying to keep it together at home and at my new job not knowing if I'll be the only breadwinner. Didn't probably do the best job but I tried, at times I'd come home to him not in a good state. He found a new job in his old career, throughout this period and suddenly felt amazing, got off the medication. Last week after he saw his psychiatrist (who he sees weekly) and has decided that I have a lot of problems and that I contribute to his stress and anxiety. He shuts me out, he has been far from loving, more critical and angry. Mind you, he's been very productive, doing all these tasks at home, and he says he feels amazing. He has had outbursts of anger with me and the kids. I get our marriage isn't perfect and I'm not, but I'm wondering is it me or him or his mental state. I'm thoroughly confused, just devastated and exhausted. I love him and want the best for us. Any advice? Is this bipolar?

My boyfriend has depression.

replies: 5

Hi all. So I don't really know why I've decided to make this post, I guess I just need to hear from people that have been in a similar situation to me. It helps to talk to my family and friends about this, but they don't really understand what I'm going through. So I'm having a really hard time at the moment. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a bit now, and it's only been in the past month and a half that things have begun to change. Before we both started our first year of university, things were fine. We were seeing each other as much as possible, talking to each other every day. He's sweet and kind, and always manages to make me smile even when I'm sad. I found that one day it was really hard just to talk to him, he wouldn't return my texts and it was a huge effort to make plans. I found that I was the one making all the effort and that he would just come along for the ride. He admitted to me that he was really stressed out with uni and work and that he was having a hard time balancing time between myself, his friends and family. Then last night (after I had a bit too much to drink, oops!) I admitted to him that I still really loved him and that I wanted us to work through this, etc etc. I asked him things like 'do you still want to be with me, do you still love me?' and his answers were all centered around 'I don't know'. He then admitted to me that he doesn't 'feel anything' and that he thinks he's depressed and that he's been like this for a while. We've had these discussions a lot since the first time he spoke about how he's feeling. But I think he knows for certain now that there's a problem. I told him he needs to seek help. I feel as if I've been swept to the side and I understand that he isn't doing this on purpose. He's not normally an affectionate person, but before all this happened, he tried for me. Now, he shows minimal affection and for me, that sucks, because I love being affectionate. It's rare that he kisses me, hugs me, there has been no sex for a while. I know a completely different side to him though and I know this isn't who he used to be, which is why I think it's so hard for me just to 'end it'. He is such a kind and beautiful person and I really want to know what I can do to make this easier on him and myself. I feel like I'm no good at all because this is out of my control, he's the one that needs to fix it. Any insight or advice would help, a lot. Thanks xo

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Husband with bi-polar who is just stuck - not sure how else to support replies: 4

His depression has destroyed our marriage replies: 9

My husband's depression is destroying our Marriage replies: 22

Mum admitted to public hospital with agitated depression... will she get better? replies: 1

Depressed mum-not sure how to help replies: 3

My partner has depression and it just plain sucks. replies: 4

Very sick adult son refusing help replies: 1

Supporting my anxiety siblings replies: 2

Husband who suffers anxiety and depression, possibly bipolar. He's had enough of my problems and wants me to change. replies: 3

My boyfriend has depression. replies: 5