Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Mum admitted to public hospital with agitated depression... will she get better?

replies: 1

Hi all My 82 mum was admitted yesterday to a public mental health facility with agitated depression. It was brought on by my parents moving house after nearly 30 years. She has no prior mental health illness, just a bit of a 'worrier'. I feel absolutely shattered that she's gone in but we were just not seeing any improvement caring for her at home. She's only been on medication for a few weeks but deteriorated in the last week, with agitated anxiety, especially in the mornings. She's otherwise in great physical health - it's been so awful to see my confident, active mum become so distressed. We are told that she is in good care but I'm feeling very hopeless at the moment. I just need to know that she will get better. Are there are any similar stories out there? I would love to read them to give me some hope she will return a little to her former self and be able to live a happy life again. Thank you.

Depressed mum-not sure how to help

replies: 3

My mum has had depression for as long as I remember but recently she's going through a tough phase due to changes in her medication. I want to help but I'm also struggling with my anxiety and at the moment all this is leading to my own depression (I'm still living at home). The rest of my family says I need to be more supportive but my mum also seems to be taking her anger out on me at the moment and is resistant to my presence. I want to help and be there for her but I'm not sure what I can do to help when I'm struggling myself. Has anyone been in a similar situation before and can give me some advice?

My partner has depression and it just plain sucks.

replies: 4

I have known my other half for 20 years. We grew up together and then grew a part for a while, both went away for about 5 years led completely different lives and came back together. We have been living together for two and a half years and things consistently go up and down. The last few months (around 4-6) have been about the worst. Mr Magoo has just been in a slump despite me begging and asking him to go get help, to talk to someone-anyone, this still hasn't happened. We went from a two income household to one. My work hours have gone through the roof, I have been doing everything I can to keep us afloat so he doesn't have to work and can take sometime to heal. Only to come home and be told off for not listening, or being to tired too chat. I know he needs me, perhaps even misses me, but when I have just come off a twelve hour shift can't there be just five minutes of lee-way? Recently he told me that he pretty much dislikes being around me, how can the one person in his life who is truely supposed to love him not even know him at all. Probably cause I never listen.... I don't know, there isn't even much point to what I am trying to say. Just venting I suppose. On his bad days he isolates himself- but not from our roommates- just from me. He once said that sometimes yelling at me, is like yelling at himself and he can do it because I understand- and to a degree I do, but I am beginning to feel very isolated despite living with three other people. he is clearly struggling and needs help. I know that, but how do you make someone seek help when it's the last thing that they want to do? What is the best way to deal with the bad days?

Very sick adult son refusing help

replies: 1

My son lives at home. Cannot work can barely do simple chores. Suffers from depression and anxiety. Refuses to acknowledge he has a problem. Will not be assessed. Has had several mental health plans and has taken medications. He says they don't help. It's killing me to watch him deteriorate and I cannot help him without his consent. He does not meet the criteria for crisis as he has shelter and food and has not threatened anyone. However he often forgets to eat and his personal care is poor. There is more than one way to self harm. He is killing himself slowly. Can anyone help me please?

Supporting my anxiety siblings

replies: 2

Hi all, I work with my twin (male, 39) and little sis(37), they both have anxiety. My sister has been using medicine for more than 4 years and nothing changes. She is single as anxiety stop her from seeing any man. She is 37, but many times behaviour is like a child. She has an angel soul and work well. My twin brother is very intelligent, but he is shy , low self esteem, single too. I love them and support them, thinking of hypnothsis remedy for them as we had medicine, therapy but nothing helps. Is anyone experienced with hypnotised therapy?

Husband who suffers anxiety and depression, possibly bipolar. He's had enough of my problems and wants me to change.

replies: 3

My story is quite long: been married for 17 years, 4 kids. He has always been a perfectionist and we've had periods where he just has had enough of my behaviour. He freezes me out, gets angry and upset and demands me to change. Then somehow we resolve it and it resurfaces. About 4 years ago he suffered his first panic attack in a very public place and had to do with his job. He returned to work but had 4 years of anxiety and depression. This year he had another panic attack, decided to resign, went on medication and started seeing a psychiatrist. Meanwhile I'm trying to keep it together at home and at my new job not knowing if I'll be the only breadwinner. Didn't probably do the best job but I tried, at times I'd come home to him not in a good state. He found a new job in his old career, throughout this period and suddenly felt amazing, got off the medication. Last week after he saw his psychiatrist (who he sees weekly) and has decided that I have a lot of problems and that I contribute to his stress and anxiety. He shuts me out, he has been far from loving, more critical and angry. Mind you, he's been very productive, doing all these tasks at home, and he says he feels amazing. He has had outbursts of anger with me and the kids. I get our marriage isn't perfect and I'm not, but I'm wondering is it me or him or his mental state. I'm thoroughly confused, just devastated and exhausted. I love him and want the best for us. Any advice? Is this bipolar?

My boyfriend has depression.

replies: 5

Hi all. So I don't really know why I've decided to make this post, I guess I just need to hear from people that have been in a similar situation to me. It helps to talk to my family and friends about this, but they don't really understand what I'm going through. So I'm having a really hard time at the moment. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a bit now, and it's only been in the past month and a half that things have begun to change. Before we both started our first year of university, things were fine. We were seeing each other as much as possible, talking to each other every day. He's sweet and kind, and always manages to make me smile even when I'm sad. I found that one day it was really hard just to talk to him, he wouldn't return my texts and it was a huge effort to make plans. I found that I was the one making all the effort and that he would just come along for the ride. He admitted to me that he was really stressed out with uni and work and that he was having a hard time balancing time between myself, his friends and family. Then last night (after I had a bit too much to drink, oops!) I admitted to him that I still really loved him and that I wanted us to work through this, etc etc. I asked him things like 'do you still want to be with me, do you still love me?' and his answers were all centered around 'I don't know'. He then admitted to me that he doesn't 'feel anything' and that he thinks he's depressed and that he's been like this for a while. We've had these discussions a lot since the first time he spoke about how he's feeling. But I think he knows for certain now that there's a problem. I told him he needs to seek help. I feel as if I've been swept to the side and I understand that he isn't doing this on purpose. He's not normally an affectionate person, but before all this happened, he tried for me. Now, he shows minimal affection and for me, that sucks, because I love being affectionate. It's rare that he kisses me, hugs me, there has been no sex for a while. I know a completely different side to him though and I know this isn't who he used to be, which is why I think it's so hard for me just to 'end it'. He is such a kind and beautiful person and I really want to know what I can do to make this easier on him and myself. I feel like I'm no good at all because this is out of my control, he's the one that needs to fix it. Any insight or advice would help, a lot. Thanks xo

Just so damned exhausted

replies: 3

Well this is a first for me, I have never reached out before, I have always been ' the strong one'. I have been married for 27 yrs and my husband has suffered from depression for about 20 of those years. In the beginning it was sort of bouts of it where he would fall in the black hole and eventually(usually a few months) manage to crawl back out. For the last 13 years he has been in the whole full time with only occasionally poking his head above ground. I know what a battle he is going through and how hard he tries to not slip back down. Our life together has changed so much in the last 6 years, he was eventually medically discharged from the defence force due to his depression, he had sort treatment for it formally from them about 10 years ago and of course that was career suicide, with promotions being prevented etc. He has had multiple episodes of PTSD, with Maj depression and general anxiety. He served his country faithfully and they in turn completely let him and us down. After spending years of dragging our young family back and forth across this country they turfed him out without any pension or financial support. It took 18 months and a letter to the minister to finally get DVA to take any action on his claims. But that's a whole other story. I was a nurse for 30 yrs and have worked in some pretty stressful areas, but had to quit working 4 years ago as once he had been discharged he became worse and Would call about 10 times a day so I just spent my days worrying if he was going to still be there when I got home. So we moved from the city and live on a rural block outside a country town, this has helped him but I find it isolating. I'm with him 24 hrs a day and have no friends now, most have just faded away and I just don't seem to have the energy to make new ones. It's too hard to explain why he is always either up, down, angry or cynical. I love him and accept that he won't ever be ' cured', but I am just feeling so exhausted now and wonder if I can keep on giving indefinately, I just feel like I'm eroding away. It is so had when he asks if I'm ok to continue to say yes. But I know if I tell him how I really feel it will make his tenuous grasp on the edge of the hole slip and down he will go again, which will just make it harder again for both of us. Im sorry this has turned into an epic read but I just needed to offload somewhere

just looking for answers and advice

replies: 2

Hey guys, forgive me if you've answer this question a million times. Why do people with depression leave the people they know care about them the most? My now ex girlfriend has done this to me a few times telling me that's she's this and she's that, I've tried to be supportive and patient but she tells me to move on and ignores my every attempt at contact, is this a normal thing? Do I wait until she returns to herself? It has happened a couple of times and until this time I didn't have much if any knowledge of depression and when she comes back she's always sorry for what has happened, any advice would be really appreciated.

I've told him that he's showint signs, but he denies it. Please help me.

replies: 2

Hi everyone, I've recently started to notice signs of depression in my partner (withdrawal, uncertainty, not enjoying what he used to do, lacking interest in me- emotionally and physically, etc.) My full story is in the 'Depression' thread under 'My boyfriend is depressed' if you wish to have all the information. Anyway, today I planned to catch up and just to talk. I admitted to him what he had shown signs and symptoms for the past month and a half. I explained to him that these feelings are completely normal and nothing to be ashamed about and that it was brave of him to realise there might be a problem. After telling him that it would be a good idea to see a GP to talk about what's going on so that he could get referred, he started denying that it was depression, stating that 'he's always been like this', that he 'doesn't need to see a GP' and that 'he has always felt empty'. After this, I explained to him that this isn't who he is. Before this, he was completely different. Although always being difficult to talk to about serious things (his emotions) and not always being a very affectionate person, he's always tried. I don't know where to go from here. Obviously I should give it time and be patient, because he might come to the full realisation of what the problem is a week from now for example, but I'd just like any advice from anyone that has gone through this. What else can I say? What else can I do? How do I get him to stop denying it? I can't help but feel neglected and feel as if everything I am doing is not worth it. I know that sounds selfish, but I just feel bery confused and overwhelmed at the moment. I really do love him and want what's best for him. Any advice from anyone would be very helpful and please don't feel as if you'd offend me if you hold other views. I am open to anything at the moment. carnevermind xo

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Mum admitted to public hospital with agitated depression... will she get better? replies: 1

Depressed mum-not sure how to help replies: 3

My partner has depression and it just plain sucks. replies: 4

Very sick adult son refusing help replies: 1

Supporting my anxiety siblings replies: 2

Husband who suffers anxiety and depression, possibly bipolar. He's had enough of my problems and wants me to change. replies: 3

My boyfriend has depression. replies: 5

Just so damned exhausted replies: 3

just looking for answers and advice replies: 2

I've told him that he's showint signs, but he denies it. Please help me. replies: 2