My boyfriend has depression.

[carnevermind]

Hi all.

So I don't really know why I've decided to make this post, I guess I just need to hear from people that have been in a similar situation to me. It helps to talk to my family and friends about this, but they don't really understand what I'm going through.

So I'm having a really hard time at the moment. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a bit now, and it's only been in the past month and a half that things have begun to change. Before we both started our first year of university, things were fine. We were seeing each other as much as possible, talking to each other every day. He's sweet and kind, and always manages to make me smile even when I'm sad. I found that one day it was really hard just to talk to him, he wouldn't return my texts and it was a huge effort to make plans. I found that I was the one making all the effort and that he would just come along for the ride. He admitted to me that he was really stressed out with uni and work and that he was having a hard time balancing time between myself, his friends and family. Then last night (after I had a bit too much to drink, oops!) I admitted to him that I still really loved him and that I wanted us to work through this, etc etc. I asked him things like 'do you still want to be with me, do you still love me?' and his answers were all centered around 'I don't know'. He then admitted to me that he doesn't 'feel anything' and that he thinks he's depressed and that he's been like this for a while. We've had these discussions a lot since the first time he spoke about how he's feeling. But I think he knows for certain now that there's a problem. I told him he needs to seek help.

I feel as if I've been swept to the side and I understand that he isn't doing this on purpose. He's not normally an affectionate person, but before all this happened, he tried for me. Now, he shows minimal affection and for me, that sucks, because I love being affectionate. It's rare that he kisses me, hugs me, there has been no sex for a while. I know a completely different side to him though and I know this isn't who he used to be, which is why I think it's so hard for me just to 'end it'. He is such a kind and beautiful person and I really want to know what I can do to make this easier on him and myself. I feel like I'm no good at all because this is out of my control, he's the one that needs to fix it.

Any insight or advice would help, a lot. Thanks xo

[blondguy]

Hello carnevermind and welcome to the forums too! I just read some kind and good advice you provided on another thread..You are kind and self aware. There are many wonderful people on the forums that are going through similar what you are right now.

I have read what you have posted twice and as a sufferer of depression its only my humble opinion but it would be a really good idea if your partner did see his Gp and seek some help.....As per what he has told you. If you scroll down to the bottom of this page under the header of 'The Facts' there is a depression check list that may assist you further about your partners depression or if he has it.

His lack of interest whether emotionally or physically is one of the red flags. It is only my humble opinion but if he does wish to heal and recover (thus your relationship will benefit too) he will make an appointment to see his GP and if necessary get a referral.

You are correct ....he is the one that needs to be pro-active here and seek some basic help for a very common disorder. I admire your strength and courage to post to try to help your partner help himself You are more than welcome to post back and be part of the forum family

My Kindest Thoughts

Paul

[carnevermind]

Hi Paul,

Thank you so much for your kind words. I also really appreciate that someone got back to me in regards to what I posted earlier.

I've made him aware of the fact that it would be wise to seek help, but I don't know whether he will listen to me or if he does choose to seek help, how long it will take him. I understand that I can't rush him into anything and that I need to be supportive and understanding no matter what he decides to do. It's just hard for me to see him like this and therefore I want him to act as soon as possible. Is there anything I could say or do that you foresee as being helpful and kind, but straighforward?

Besides this, what you have posted has made me feel better about the situation. Thank you.

Kindest Regards,

carnevermind.

[blondguy]

Hi carnevermind and thankyou for posting back

I was a jerk in my 20's when my depression/anxiety started to bite and I was in 'denial' I lost a beautiful and caring girlfriend as a result. I still remember have the regrets from 1985 when I refused to get help.

History aside (sorry) Just my humble opinion printing out the the signs of depression onto an A4 and lovingly leaving it for him on his dashboard/keyboard with a kiss may be a start. Just in point form...just a few lines of symptoms he has...bullet points...

I am single now....but if a GF gave me an envelope with some bullet points of depression and said they loved me and that I needed some basic counselling I would take action....

If your partner really values the love you have for him...he will drag you to the Gp/Therapist with him.....

I hope that made some sense and was of some help

Here for you....You are more than welcome to post as many times as you wish

My Kindest Thoughts

Paul x

[carnevermind]

Hi Paul.

Again, thanks to getting back to me.

I think I will take your advice and provide my partner with the information on depression. I'm not entirely sure if he'll act as you have explained, but fingers crossed. I'm sorry to hear about your partner. Although it was back in 1985, I can understand that you would still very sad. I hope that one day (if you haven't already!) that you find a partner that will love and care for you, no matter what you're going through... let that be your recovery from depression or just day to day things. You're kind and supportive and deserve all the happiness in the world.

I'll let you know how things go when I get around to doing it. Again, thanks for the advice!

Very best wishes,

carnevermind xo

[blondguy]

Hi carnevermind

Apologies for the delay...normally I am quicker to respond. If you can post back if you have found a way to help your boyfriend help himself would be great. You are smart and well articulated deserve respect and tlc too in your relationship.

Your heartfelt kind words were wonderful and greatly appreciated 🙂

Paul x