Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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How do I get my husband to seek help?

replies: 5

Hi, I'm new to this website and forum but I felt i had to find somewhere to turn for advice. I have been with my husband for almost 6 years and married for 3.5 of those years. The first few years of our relationship were great. Fairly soon after we were married, my husband changed. He hasn't had a steady job for the last 3.5years and any job he has held has been because a family friend has offered it to him. He hasn't been working for almost a year now. I have asked him to find work as I need his support financially, he tells me he is looking for work but I know he lies to me about it. When I tackle him on his lies, he shuts down. He used to be a mad sportsman but stopped playing sport just before we got married and he has no inclination to go back. He is at home all day and doesn't do anything round the house unless I keep asking. He doesn't have any passion or ambition for anything. in the past, I have asked him to leave but he won't. I believe I have tried everything to get him to work and think about our future but nothing seems to work. I have been to see a counsellor on my own as I'm not coping. This helped for alittle while but not anymore as my husband is not committed to making changes. All of my family live in the UK, his family are dysfunctional and I don't really feel they are supportive and most of my friends are mutual friends of ours so very hard to talk to them. I finally arranged a couples counselling session and he did come along but he wasn't happy about it. I suppose I have now come to the conclusion that he is suffering from depression and anxiety. He needs help but I don't know how to get him to get help. I have previously mentioned to him that he needs to talk to someone and he says he will but never does. I know forcing him into something won't work either. Any ideas on how I get him to seek help?

A brief guide to partners questions regarding depression and how to ride a bike

replies: 1

Dear BB, Only 26 years of mental health experience has gone into this thread so if I've missed anything I apologise. I'm selecting these 10 questions from partners of depressed people from about 1,000 I've read with my 2 years responding. Feel free to add to the list if you like adding to lists or feel a bit confronted by the simplicity of the answers. Just saying. Q1: Why is my partner unmotivated, isolated and withdrawn from the family ? A1: Depression, i.e. sick Q2: Why can't my partner take some responsibility and sort himself/herself out ? A2: Depression, i.e. sick Q3: Why can't we go out to the movies and do things like we used to ? A3: Depression, i.e. sick Q4: Why do I have to do all the kids drops and pick ups ? A4: Depression, i.e. sick Q5: Why doesn't our sex life shred the sheets like it used to ? A5: Depression, i.e. sick Q6: Why do I feel like the enemy or the one to blame ? A6: Depression, i.e. sick Q7: Why does our extended family avoid us ? A7: Depression, i.e. sick Q8: Why, with the job loss/redundancy or Centrlink are thing so terrible ? A8: Depression, i.e. sick Q9: Why did David Charles make this brief guide ? A9: Depression/Mania, i.e. fully sick Q10: So what has the analogy with riding a bike go to do with it ? A10: Depression = riding a bike, i.e. a familiar journey CONCLUSION: I hope that clears a few things up. If a partner can't accept that Depression is a valid and life sucking illness to be treated with empathy and support then I think it's all about the partner rather than the sick person. Getting frustrated with a depressed partner, telling them to "snap out of it", being bossy because you are "sick" of it (the irony !) probably won't help in the long term. But in the short term it's a bit like kicking the cat. Only a cat has 9 lives, isn't on meds and looks cute. Adios, David. PS I'm trialling a year without the internet so wish me luck. Who knows, it will be like having my mine pumped. I'm aware some partners of depressed people won't accept this black and white position.

Senior depression, and dementia?

replies: 3

Hi All .. this may be a little different. My Dad was laid off, twice, about 2-3 years ago because of memory problems. He ended up taking an early (somewhat forced) retirement. It was about 6-12 months after this we first noticed the signs something else was wrong - he stopped doing regular activities in favour of staying at home, was overly sensitive or took things the wrong way, lost a lot of weight, started to become quite tight (money wise) and talking about doing things but never committing. It all came to a head 2 years ago when he self-diagnosed himself via Google and was convinced he was going to die in the immediate future. Dad had self-admitted himself 3 nights in a row, only to be tested, checked and sent on his way. We finally got someone with some common sense and Dad was admitted to see the psych the next day, which he did. But after being confronted with questions about his childhood, father issues etc he promptly checked himself out. Dad did end up seeing his regular GP who diagnosed him with depression. Dad did end up seeing his regular GP who diagnosed him with depression. Two years on and we've had ups and downs, Dad regularly goes on and off medication. In between this the memory problems have worsened, he's lost friends and has further isolated himself as a result. Today he hit another low and admitted that he has 'given up' and doesn't know what is happening half the time, and that most days he just sits at home alone bored. Thankfully he's finally agreed to go back to his Doctor in regards to the depression. Now don't think we've sat silently by while dear old Dad has been going through all of this! Problem is, he often hides how he is feeling until he is feeling really low and can't keep it in anymore. We've been there with him the whole way and tried to help in a variety of different ways, both emotionally and constructively (for example trying to help with finding information, remembering passwords etc). We've tried to come up with ideas on activities out of the house like Men's Sheds, walking groups, joining another sporting club etc so far they all seem like great ideas, but he won't try them. My sister and I actually went to see his GP alone to raise some concerns, which was helpful, however the GP didn't know about any of the memory problems, and didn't seem to think the problems were linked, except that the depression could be causing memory loss (which it could). My concern is it might be the other way around. If I was my Dad and I couldn't remember the names of the people and places I had known for thirty years, I would start to feel pretty bloody anxious, depressed and start to withdraw as well! I think my Dad has always had somekind of depressive illness and it is in the family, but we also have dementia in our family. So, I guess in a really really long way, I'm asking for advice, not mentioned above, on helping my Dad through this time in his life. And also, if anyone has any ideas/experience on how to get help regarding the diagnosis or non-diagnosis of the memory problems, we'd love to know! So far all we've been told from multiple sources is that we need a referral from his GP to get him into see someone, and well, that doesn't seem to be happening. Yes, we've tried the alzhiemers/dementia websites, but most of the info there is for carers of already diagnosed people. If it helps, Dad's divorced, lives alone, in his early 60s, we are early 30s, not married, no kids/grandkids.

Any advice on OCD coping mechanisms?

replies: 1

I have a close family member who is in hospital for second suicide attempt. Her OCD is so severe that she felt she needed to do this despite having an amazing support network, husband and child. She has a phobia about contracting diseases and blood and when she is anxious, this phobia is heightened. She has been in hospital for 3 months now and is in rehab (the extent of her attempt) but my husband and I feel at such a loss because we don't know how we can help her other than visiting and calling her frequently and generally letting her know we are here for her. I'd like to know if there are some coping mechanisms for when her phobia kicks in so we can remind her of what she needs to do. She gets so distressed she can't remember what they are. Would it be seen as interfering if we asked to speak to her psychologist or would we not be permitted to? Any other advice you can offer would be appreciated. It makes us so sad to think if she finally gets out of hospital and is physically fit again, she may try again. We just want to do whatever we can to help her see the positives in her life and help her manage her OCD so she can try and resume some kind of 'normality'. It does seem somewhat of a hopeless situation so if anyone has a similar story and is managing their OCD well, please feel free to share your inspiring story. Thank you.

Rollercoaster with my husband's depression

replies: 2

Where do I go from here? My husband has suffered from depression for many years. He was relatively well for several years whilst taking "X" medication (antidepressant). He has self removed himself from the meds and felt great for a while. Now has come crashing down again. Won't talk about seeing a doctor. When he is down he becomes angry and extremely difficult to live with. Anything I say is "putting him under pressure". I have 3 primary school aged children who also have to live with this. I feel that when he is down they miss out as they have to keep quiet, I hold off on letting them have friends over and tend to get grumpy with them as I am curbed as to noise levels that trigger more anger from their father. I love him dearly but not sure I can ride this roller coaster anymore. I feel my kids childhoods are being held back. But I know if I leave he would either suicide or become aggressive. When he is well he is a kind loving well balanced man. Where do I go?

Help us help him

replies: 2

My 32 year old brother has suffered depression and anxiety for a number of years and his symptoms have overwhelmed him in the last few months. After many years of talking to him about his symptoms he has started taking anti-depressants for 5 weeks. He feels his depression and anxiety have increased in this time. He has no motivation, can't get out of bed, has lost weight due to no appetite, sleeps only 3-4 hours a night and had admitted to having "dark thoughts" of harming himself. My brother also drinks a lot of alcohol and has experienced a number of blackouts during these drinking sessions. Sadly, my brother also works interstate from our family and has no support when away. Yesterday, I took the opportunity to take my brother to see a GP who prescribed a sedative to relieve the anxiety symptoms that were crippling my brother as a stop-gap measure. We need to find some professional help for my brother as we don't have to skills to help him out of this. He has a loving and supportive family but he needs to be in a clinic or some care to cut this cycle and help him. Where do we go? My Dad rang the Assessment and Crisis Intervention phone number and as my brother wasn't suicidal or psychotic we were advised to see a GP.

Please help...I'm at a loss

replies: 0

My sister suffers from bipolar and we are at a loss on how to help her. She is married, 32 and has 4 kids. She has had depression for the past 4 - 5 years and is showing no signs of improvement. She is on anti depressant tablets, has sleep apnea, obesley overweight, and high blood pressure. She is a shell of her former self, no energy to do anything, she just wants to sleep her life away. She won't help herself or let anyone else help her. She won't go to councelling. I just want my sister back, the one that was full of life and always happy. Please give me a clue on how to help her, because I'm at a loss...I don't know what to do

Husband with depression

replies: 4

My husband was diagnosed 8 months ago with depression by his local GP and has seen a psychologist a few times. He is not on medication. He is not a big talker about feelings at all. We have been together since we were 19, married at 25 and had our second anniversary this year. Our life is good, we both have good jobs, though quite stressful and we travel regularly. Our friends are starting to have babies, but we are not yet considering this. Just recently my husband thought that maybe the depression was getting worse. After a big emotional discussion he spoke about not feeling happy with me, with questions such as how do I know you are the one that I should be with and statements such as I don't love you enough, you deserve better. He questions now whether it is depression that he has, or whether he just doesn't love me and this is causing this unhappiness that might be mistaken for depression. He has booked in again to see his psychologist and I have booked in to see one too. I have become quite anxious that my marriage is going to end and there is nothing I can do about it. We would both say that we don't have any problems in our marriage as in we haven't had problems and do get along well. Has anyone else experienced this with their husband or wife? I would not usually join these sorts of forums, but I am at a loss as to how to help him.

My Lovely Girlfriend..

replies: 1

I love my girlfriend with all my heart, she has been through so much! She has lost a close friend to suicide and another in a car crash. she has been sexually abused and put into hospital and has been decieved and lied to more than anyone I know. She is a lovely person. I don't know how she can care for people as much as she does with what's happened to her. But she is there for anyone when they need it. Unfortunately she is the one that I think needs help. She puts on this brave face to everyone else but I know what she's really like. She has really bad days where she doesn't want to get out of bed or do anything. She use to hurt herself to make it feel better but from my understanding she has stopped a while ago. I try and help her as much as I can but I think she needs to get some sort of professional help. She hates the idea of talking to anyone other than me about it. How can I convince her that it's the right thing? Is anyone in the same position? Does anyone have anything to say that will help her or comfort her? I'm running out of ideas. I just want to fix it. -DiaryOfHer

Help please

replies: 0

Hi I'm a single mum with 2 boys aged 5 and 3 on a pension. I'm not coping with their behaviour at the moment and with my depression things seem worse than they probably are. I'm looking for someone who can help me with my boys and my mental stability that is covered by the pension as I have little to no money left after rent and bills are paid. I sometimes feel like I want to give the boys to their father, but I know I can't do that as he is an alcoholic and I don't want to put the boys in that situation.

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

How do I get my husband to seek help? replies: 5

A brief guide to partners questions regarding depression and how to ride a bike replies: 1

Senior depression, and dementia? replies: 3

Any advice on OCD coping mechanisms? replies: 1

Rollercoaster with my husband's depression replies: 2

Help us help him replies: 2

Please help...I'm at a loss replies: 0

Husband with depression replies: 4

My Lovely Girlfriend.. replies: 1

Help please replies: 0