Senior depression, and dementia?

[Little_Ted]

Hi All .. this may be a little different. My Dad was laid off, twice, about 2-3 years ago because of memory problems. He ended up taking an early (somewhat forced) retirement. It was about 6-12 months after this we first noticed the signs something else was wrong - he stopped doing regular activities in favour of staying at home, was overly sensitive or took things the wrong way, lost a lot of weight, started to become quite tight (money wise) and talking about doing things but never committing. It all came to a head 2 years ago when he self-diagnosed himself via Google and was convinced he was going to die in the immediate future. Dad had self-admitted himself 3 nights in a row, only to be tested, checked and sent on his way. We finally got someone with some common sense and Dad was admitted to see the psych the next day, which he did. But after being confronted with questions about his childhood, father issues etc he promptly checked himself out. Dad did end up seeing his regular GP who diagnosed him with depression. Dad did end up seeing his regular GP who diagnosed him with depression.

Two years on and we've had ups and downs, Dad regularly goes on and off medication. In between this the memory problems have worsened, he's lost friends and has further isolated himself as a result. Today he hit another low and admitted that he has 'given up' and doesn't know what is happening half the time, and that most days he just sits at home alone bored. Thankfully he's finally agreed to go back to his Doctor in regards to the depression.

Now don't think we've sat silently by while dear old Dad has been going through all of this! Problem is, he often hides how he is feeling until he is feeling really low and can't keep it in anymore. We've been there with him the whole way and tried to help in a variety of different ways, both emotionally and constructively (for example trying to help with finding information, remembering passwords etc). We've tried to come up with ideas on activities out of the house like Men's Sheds, walking groups, joining another sporting club etc so far they all seem like great ideas, but he won't try them.  My sister and I actually went to see his GP alone to raise some concerns, which was helpful, however the GP didn't know about any of the memory problems, and didn't seem to think the problems were linked, except that the depression could be causing memory loss (which it could). My concern is it might be the other way around. If I was my Dad and I couldn't remember the names of the people and places I had known for thirty years, I would start to feel pretty bloody anxious, depressed and start to withdraw as well! I think my Dad has always had somekind of depressive illness and it is in the family, but we also have dementia in our family.

So, I guess in a really really long way, I'm asking for advice, not mentioned above, on helping my Dad through this time in his life. And also, if anyone has any ideas/experience on how to get help regarding the diagnosis or non-diagnosis of the memory problems, we'd love to know! So far all we've been told from multiple sources is that we need a referral from his GP to get him into see someone, and well, that doesn't seem to be happening. Yes, we've tried the alzhiemers/dementia websites, but most of the info there is for carers of already diagnosed people.

If it helps, Dad's divorced, lives alone, in his early 60s, we are early 30s, not married, no kids/grandkids.

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear Little Ted,

I've got in laws that are 88 and 93.   That's a whole generation more than your Dad's but they are going through similar things with memory loss, not remembering why they phone and the occasional accident as bodily functions don't listen to etiquette.  In these cases, the oncomming Alzheimers is not recognised although there is some impact on their daily lives.   I might get a call for my wife at a time when her parents know she is at work.  20 times a month !    (I take a lot of messages).  Most of all, the old like to feel they are still in control so even depression isn't something they will discuss or do anything about.   And why should they ?   The effect on the rest of the family is so distant to them they'll just say "Don't worry about me" and think everything will be fine.

But the most important thing is that they can still live on their own.     If your dad is isolating himself that might just be his way of coping.   I can imagine that going to a Mens Shed might be too confronting although well meaning.  Let's meet 30 new guys who all have YOUR problem.......Whoopee !   "Quick,  Hand me the screwdriver before I forget what I'm making".   You know what I mean.   The social element, non threatening, has become a nightmare of forced friendships.

The musical connection between the left and right hemispheres of our brains is the ONLY connection.    Musicians get Alzheimers 1% of the time and the rest of us 40% of the time.    This is because music requires a massive amount of memory - something your dad has lost.  It's not too late to seek some musical input and build a greater awareness.  Even a damaged memory can re-programme through the Frontal Cortex because the brain is ace at adapting.     

So take him out to some concerts, buy him a sound system, sing with him over a beer or BBQ, dig out some old DVD's with heaps of music, etc.  I was involved in a case study in Cambridge, England, (as part of a Music Therapy course) once where they gave dementia patients a double dose of Occupational Therapy and Music Therapy for 30 mins.   The study proved that the level of consciousness rose AND STAYED HIGH for most of the day.   Let me repeat - dementia patients.  These are the ones that curl up on a chair all day in the foetus position and seem dead.

Where is the divorced partner in all this ?  You seem to have responsibility.

Adios, David.

PS  Basically, until your Dad falls over and gets found 48 hrs later and taken to hospital no one is gonna take him or you seriously.  I would phone every night.

[Little_Ted]

Thanks David! That's a great bit of info, and the music I had never even considered! He does love music :). I will definately give that a go.

He's been just as you say, curled up day after day. Although the good news is he really does seem to want to get help. We went with him to his GP last week, had blood and ct scans done, and Dad is going to try going back on anti-depressants to try and help him focus. In the meantime we're waiting on a referral for a memory clinic. He says he feels a bit relieved things are happening, but I'm also sure he is terrified.

Our parents separated over 20 years ago. My Mum says she is concerned to hear he is not doing well, but I'm not entirely convinced of her motives (sounds harsh or I could be overprotective). Dragging up the past might not be the best thing at the moment. He also talks about the past a lot, so we try to keep him focused on the now (or recent history). I guess they've got to sort out their own issues! My sister and I are his only family in town, but I've called up his brothers (who are both interstate) to see if they can help out.

Anyway, thanks again .. good to hear a bit of an honest perspective and some diffrent ideas. Glad I got the guts to put the questions out there!

cheers.

[zoggy]

Hi

You are correct that the first point of call is to speak with your dads GP. The GP can do a min mental examination to see how your dads scores, and from there the GP can refer you dad to see a geriatric specialist. The geriatric specialist will recommend a brain scan to rule anything out. No a scan cant tell whether some has dementia or not. My my was diagnosed with Alzheimer about 2.5 years ago. She had symptoms way before but her GP was dismissive and said she was just depressed. I had to convince her GP to test her. When she did get tested she showed signs of decrease memory and she had a scan and was seen by a geriatric specialist. Now you dad may be find but its best to get tested and if he has a type of dementia a diagnosis will help in getting appropriate medication for the early stages as well as support services down the track. I hope this helps you and your dad need to proactive in getting the correct help. If your GP doesn't do it find another GP who will be more supportive. All the best