Rollercoaster with my husband's depression

[Rollercoaster]

Where do I go from here? My husband has suffered from depression for many years. He was relatively well for several years whilst taking "X" medication (antidepressant). He has self removed himself from the meds and felt great for a while. Now has come crashing down again. Won't talk about seeing a doctor. When he is down he becomes angry and extremely difficult to live with. Anything I say is "putting him under pressure". I have 3 primary school aged children who also have to live with this. I feel that when he is down they miss out as they have to keep quiet, I hold off on letting them have friends over and tend to get grumpy with them as I am curbed as to noise levels that trigger more anger from their father. I love him dearly but not sure I can ride this roller coaster anymore. I feel my kids childhoods are being held back. But I know if I leave he would either suicide or become aggressive. When he is well he is a kind loving well balanced man. Where do I go?

[geoff]

hello, for some reason people believe that they can stop taking antidepressants themselves, maybe it's because they are feeling great, and this is only because the medication is working, and then when they have stopped they say to you 'look I don't need these pills I feel great'.

This seems to be a feeling of euphoria for them, they convince themselves that they can cope without them, wrong.

Just putting your husband in the background for a moment, this isn't really a pleasant way for you and the 3 children to live. Kids want to have fun, it's the only time in life where they don't have any responsibility what's so ever, not like adults have to cope with. They also want to show their friends their toys, maybe a slide in the backyard etc., and have mum's special home made biscuits.

"X" is a powerful antidepressant, I tried it but the side effects were horrible for me so I was put onto something else.

It's the same as someone having a hip operation, they need morphine and if they don't have it the pain is excruciating, so it's the same parallel as stopping antidepressants, if you know what I mean.

Is your husband aware of what's going on and how he's affecting you and the kids, and does he have a mate who can talk to him and say, 'gees mate you have got grumpy all of a sudden', just something short and simple.

Has your husband ever said anything about suicide, or given you the impression of actually doing it, sometimes people do or sometimes they not.

Hope that you get back to us and take care. L Geoff. x

[Rollercoaster]

Hi Geoff,

thanks for yuor reply. The more I read on this website the more I feel like I am reading my family's situation. I would have to say it is without a doubt the hardest thing for a family to live with as it is exactly like riding a rollercoaster with a blindfold on, never quite knowing when the big dip or loop the lop is going to happen but knowing it will at some point. When the roller coaster in going up or flat all is good. The kids interact well with dad have friends over and life is reasonably normal. However, unlike living in a house with no depression there is always the flip side that during an episode my husband seems to be particularly sensitive to noise and can withdraw from family life for a few days. Thus very hard with 3 kids to keep noise levels to a minimum (especially with friends over) and hard on kids as they are too young yet to understand why dad locks himself away at times and/or gets crankly.

For me I am left to raise the kids in some sort of normality the best I can, support my husband the best I can and work part time. All of which can leave me feeling completely drained. I can't go away for a weekend and leave the kids with him as he would find that too much. I have no family support. So feel like a single mum often but with an extra load of an unwell husband!!

As I said times can be good but when low and I'm drained and kids are missing out( not too often thankfully) that's when I really consider if I would be better leaving.

Thanks again for your support much needed and appreciated.