need advice and direction

[tiffany12]

Hi my son is 32 years old. He suffers anxiety and takes medication. Lately I feel his behaviour has changed and isn't normal at all. He is paranoid, angry, nasty, blaming, dillusional, withdrawn from socialising and I feel something is really wrong. I am a mother and I am in tune to the fact that something has changed. I know he needs more help but I don't know how to find it, address it, and how to deal with this. He sees a dr but naturally, the dr wont discuss things with me. I have decided to at least inform the Dr of his behaviour but I'm scared the dr will only prescribe more medication. Any thoughts and does anyone have any suggestions of what I should do?

[startingnew]

hi Tiffany and welcome to BB

im not a mother but i would like to support you still if thats ok...

the gp cant discuss with you but maybe you could go with your son to an appointment and disscuss it there together. i would also suggest maybe a psychologist to help as well, that way if your son doesnt want to speak to you he has someone who he can speak to and know that they are professionals?

im also worried about you as well, becasue it seems to be taking a toll on you too, so we are here to support you also ok

[tiffany12]

thank you for replying. I have taken steps to make an appointment for me to see my son's doctor next week hopefully with my son. Although the Dr cannot discuss my son with me, I have informed the Dr of my observations so that he knows about his behaviourial changes. I haven't told my son that I have made this appointment yet and I'm not entirely sure how to approach him gently to get him to come with me. It's a delicate issue but really important that we go together.

[SDali]

Hi Tiffany,

I can feel your pain and anguish as I read your posts.

I too am 32 and have suffered for many years with bipolar, anxiety, and OCD and have finally reached a place of recovery. Like you, my mother has suffered beside me and felt helpless in what to do.

Mental illness is a horrible thing to understand and even worse to support.

I can appreciate your desire to speak to/go to your son's Dr, however, I urge you to tread CAREFULLY. My mum tried to do the same when I was shutting her out and I was enraged and pushed her away further. Your son won't see things rationally and is likely to react badly, even though you are trying to help.

Sometimes you simply can't force someone into help or recovery. My advice is to try to give him empathy and understanding but maintain your own healthy boundaries (walk away from angry outbursts etc). Let him know you will always be there for him; often abandonment is the greatest fear; and then you may just have to let his story play out.

My mum recently said that it's the hardest thing for a mother, but sometimes you have to let someone fall and then just be there to pick up the pieces. She was right, when I hit my rock bottom I called her from Canada and asked if she would help me. She flew me home and straight into hospital. My parents came to counselling sessions and I stayed with them once I was discharged until I recovered.

My mum has become my best friend again so I know there is hope for you and your son.

Goodluck x

[Vermillion]

Hi Tiffany, I too am 32 years old and have had anxiety for 2.5 years. In my case I turned to my parents and partner when I first started having panic attacks, so I cant really give you any advice on what to do when someone starts pushing people away and feeling isolated as I was the opposite.Your son is the same age as me, so an adult, but only you know how your family operates, so I wouldnt want to propose anything, every situation is different. For some people though, it's easier to open up and talk to people who are distanced from you (an internet friend, a psychologist, or his GP) than a close friend or family member. If that's the case, there's plenty of opportunity to do that with places like the beyondblue line and other forums. It may require someone starting the conversation vs. your son going to someone for a chat, but it can be helpful. I know talking to someone, even if I dont know them very well, or they are on the other side of the world or whatever, helped me a lot. Just a thought, it may not work so dont sweat it. I'm also not a fan of medication except for extreme situations, but that's another conversation altogether. Good luck, I hope it works out for your families sake.