Adult son with ADHD/anxiety/depression/substance abuse

cancerianmoon · ‎27-08-2017

Thank you for sharing your story JPH68 as mine is very similar. My son is 27 and has recently come to live with me away from the city in a largish regional coastal town. The hope was that he would cope better with the slower pace which would help him get his life back on track. In reality I'm at my wits end. Diagnosed with ADHD at 7, leaving school in Year 10, he has worked as a chef ever since, struggled to make/keep friends, he gets jobs easily but can't keep them. He has a heart the size of this country, is super sensitive. He is estranged from his only sibling and so I'm his only support. Over the past 8 years or so he has lost 4-5 friends to suicide. Until recently he refused to have any type of therapy which he had a lot of as a child until he refused. He has recently started seeing a counsellor irregularly which I don't believe is enough. He is on a waiting list for a psychiatrist. He self medicates with anti-depressants and/or alcohol. I'm constantly shadowing him and at times feel as though I'm on suicide watch. Last week I called the Acute Care Team as he told me he recently attempted suicide. He has also told me he thinks about death daily and has done for years, even the methods he would or would not use. He was given an appointment by the ACT however the day before this he refused to go, so I cancelled. He then said he was in a mood and would like the appointment after all. I have told him he needs to make this call himself. His father and I divorced 20 years ago and don't really get on however he came here for the past few days after I made an emergency call. I'm not sure my son wants to get better, admitting he is running away from himself and even though he says he hates the person he is. I've tried encouraging him to do the things he loves e.g. fishing however I know getting motivated is a struggle as he is in such a dark place. There are times when I tell myself to just become resigned to the fact he will probably not make it to 30. He's an adult but I feel the need to mother him like a child. He wants his own apartment however I worry this would be a disaster for many reasons I won't go into. He does not drive and knows no one here. I work full time. He shuns the idea of medication, because he says 2 friends died after stopping their own meds, yet he takes other medication which terrifies me and turns him into a zombie. I just don't know what else to do.

White_Rose · ‎28-08-2017

Hello Cancerian Moon

Hello and welcome. I'm glad you wrote in to Beyond Blue and my apologies your post had no reply for so long. We do try to answer quickly but as we are all volunteers sometimes a post slips through the cracks.

I am so sad about your son. We moms know the instinct to care for and shield our children so it must have been a huge shock to learn he was contemplating suicide. He sounds a bit muddled in his thinking saying he will not take medication because two friends died after stopping their meds. Self medication is obviously dangerous for anyone so I would be concerned.

If you are worried he will harm himself I suggest you take him to the emergency dept of your local hospital. Probably the irregular appointments with a counsellor do not meet his needs but are better than nothing until he can get help from a psychiatrist. A pity his appointment with ACT was cancelled but this may be reinstated if he goes to the ED for help.

I presume he is waiting for an appointment with a psychiatrist from the hospital. Is there any way he can see a psychiatrist privately? The waiting list may be much shorter. You will need to get a referral from his GP.

There is one other option, to phone the Suicide Callback Service on 1300 659 467 which is available 24/7. Have a look at their web page www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au They do offer online counselling but I do not know their criteria. In any case it would be worthwhile talking to one of their trained staff about your son. This is their area of expertise.

I cannot think of any other options at the moment but see what the suicide callback service have to offer. I hope you will get back to us.

Mary

cancerianmoon · ‎29-08-2017

Thank you White Rose, I took my son to the ED at our local hospital last night where he remained before being assessed this morning. Whilst the entire night was distressing for us both, it needed to happen and now things are moving forward, in that he has further assessing in a few days. At this stage the Doctors are leaning towards a diagnosis of Asbergers Syndrome. This was something that I had queried when my son was in primary school. However, at the time he refused further treatment. I now have practitioner/support referrals for us both and I have nothing but praise for the medical staff who attended to my son. I also have the support of my manager at work, who I finally confided in last week. We have a long, arduous road ahead and there will be plenty of bumps along the way, however I at least have some hope and I think my son does too. L

Guest_128 · ‎29-08-2017

Hi Cancer,

I'm sorry I just found your thread,

I want to give you a little help or positive talk,

My son was a little different at school,we tried all the medical avenues,they didn't work. He was a good kid never in trouble just a little different.

He finished his apprenticeship,worked for a year in Canada,

We had a phone call from a friend when he was 23 he was in hospital due to a drug induced phsicosis, Shock to the system, yep he had a relapse. But now 5yrs on he is starting his own business.

What I'm saying is bloody hard work,you can do it.

Big but for you,look after you! If your no good,you can't look after him.

Goodluck ,keep posting cause your not alone.

Dory

White_Rose · ‎29-08-2017

Hello Cancerian Moon

I am so pleased you and your son were able to get some help. I also wondered about Asperger Syndrome. I have a grandson who has some of the symptoms. However I did not want to upset you with other suggestions.

Well I think you have a long road to travel but you can now see a way forward. This must be a huge relief to you. How lovely that your manager at work is ready to support you. In general people are happy to help when asked but if you are like me it is hard to ask. I guess this has relieved you of one worry.

Not sure what you mean by, I now have practitioner/support referrals for us both Can you explain them please. I have not heard the term before.

Can I suggest you keep the Suicide Call Back number handy. They are really excellent folk to talk to and if you cannot sleep or become more worried I suggest you phone them. Also remember the Beyond Blue number. It is good to have a friendly voice and a listening ear at those times when you feel overwhelmed.

I hope you will keep us up to date with all that is happening. Also remember to look after yourself, if only because your son needs you fit and healthy.

Mary

Winterfell · ‎30-08-2017

Thats wonderful you are helping and supporting him. A loving family can mean so much for a persons recovery. If your son does have Aspergers there is a book he may find useful, its called "Been There. Done That. Try This!: an Aspie's Guide to Life on Earth". My husband has major depression but is also likely an undiagnosed Aspie, we have a son with autism and there are many characteristics of my son that my husband identifies with. My husband is quite older than your son so is coming to this much later in life with quite a few self esteem issues. Hopefully your son will get some good counselling and support whichever way the diagnosis goes, it is great he recognises and will go along with help seeking efforts.

cancerianmoon · ‎31-08-2017

Thank you to all who have posted. To clarify, the hospital psychiatrist was in regular contact with my whilst my son was there. She recommended a psychologist who she felt would be a good fit for my son, and also recommended a local support group for us both. This morning I contacted the support group which is govt funded and they offer counselling and educational support to carers of those with mental illness. I have an intake phone call booked for this afternoon. My son has an appointment today to be assessed by the local mental health team, with the aim to link him to support services which are best suited to his diagnosis. I'm going to be completely honest and admit that when I picked up my son after hospital discharge he was angrier than I think I've ever seen him. Angry at me for having him "locked up..." I was pretty scared because I envisaged this as my life moving forward. I realise this is just the start of our "journey" (not a word I like because it's thrown about, however it is the right word in this context..) and we will both need ongoing support. If it weren't for others like yourselves, I'm not sure how I would get through this. Having had my own mental health issues in the past, I'm aware that I need to keep myself well to support my son. I walk my dogs daily and have returned to the pool, where I find swimming clears my head and promotes appetite (I don't eat when stressed...). Bless you all xx

Guest_128 · ‎31-08-2017

What a wonderful positive story,thanks for giving an update. I truly hope everything goes well today. Good on you for keeping your health in check.

Dory

White_Rose · ‎31-08-2017

Hello Cancerian Moon

Thank you for your lovely post, it's so good to hear some things get worked out. So, an assessment for your son and hopefully support services for him, plus support and counselling for you. That's great. I imagine there is a weight lifted off your shoulder. Getting support from a the carers group will be very good. However, don't forget we are here and available to chat anytime. Good to see you are looking after your own health. So important and so easily neglected.

Mary

cancerianmoon · ‎05-09-2017

My son has now had 2 appointments with the community mental health team and has been told his condition isn't serious enough to continue in the public system (as least that is what he told me...). So back to finding a therapist who is a good "fit" for him. He does have a mental health care plan from his GP which provides for 12 annual appointments bulk billed but then what? What options for subsidised/ ongoing counselling are available out there? He has applied to Centrelink for a disability allowance as he has been certified as unfit to work or study. He has been asked to provide more historical information relating to his condition, even though a detailed report from a previous treating psychiatrist was provided. Why do authorities make it so difficult for people already suffering, to get help? My son has difficulty navigating officialdom i.e. understanding and filling out forms so this has been really upsetting for him. I've also been struggling for the past few days and at the weekend felt lower than I have for a long time. Coming to terms with my son's condition (unknown) and knowing that he only has me is really confronting. He has said that he wishes he knew what was wrong with him so he could address it. I don't want to tell him that the hospital psychiatrist was considering Asperger's as this is premature. He is struggling to motivate and has long empty days to fill which worry me. Thank you for listening (reading...). I just needed to unload xx