My partner feels numb emotionally and physically towards me, how do i stop him pushing me away when he needs help

Lexi22 · ‎01-08-2016

My partner has recently started taking medication for depression that has been recurring over a three year period. It has helped reduce anxiety and the ups and downs but has not helped with him still feeling 'flat' in all most of live. He isn't motivated, or interested in the things he use to be. He tells me he enjoys spending time with me and having me stay with him (he lives a few hours away so we only see each other every other week) but also says he feels so cold emotionally and physically, which is leaving him feeling so guilty that it's eating him up inside. He says he doesn't know how to fix it.

Things have gotten worse all of a sudden when I applied for a job close to where he lives, the pressure of me moving closer may be too much for him. I am not great at discussing feelings, which makes two of us.

After starting his medication he was supposed to go back to the doctor every six weeks throughout the six months script to discuss his progression, but hasn't been back. I am disappointed that the GP hasn't made him come back?

Any help on how i should support him would be greatly appreciated.

I'm struggling to know what i should do. I am a source of his troubles, with

blondguy · ‎02-08-2016

Hello Lexi22

Welcome to the forums. Well done for posting too!

I understand what you are going through. I have had depression since 1995 and am on meds for it which have helped big time. That feeling of being 'flat' does go away in time. Can I ask how recently he has started the AD's?

At the moment just being there for him would be a bonus. You come across as a caring and intelligent person. If there will be any tension moving closer to him is an important detail to find out. Even if you write and ask him it may put him under less stress.

It sad that your partner hasnt been back for his 6 weekly check up. This is crucial with AD's and to monitor any side effects...like the 'flat' feeling he is getting now. The GP cant really make him come back as your partner is an adult and has freedom of choice.

Your partner should be going back regularly...its part of the healing process. Also if you scroll down the page you will see the header 'Supporting someone' If you have a look there is some great reading available.

It would be great if you could post back if you can get him back to his GPs 🙂

My kind thoughts for you

Paulx

Lexi22 · ‎02-08-2016

Hi Paul

Thank you for your reply. He starting taking medication daily at the start of April, so five months.

He started seeking help due to feeling this way initially at the start of the year, but has done a full circle back to how he was feeling already.

I thought about it overnight and i understand now how unfair it was to just tell him I was applying for a job closer to him without stopping to discuss it ( i assumed he'd be happy). I will apologise for that today. It shows how committed I am but puts so much pressure on him to feel the same way, which isn't really fair or possible for him at the moment.

I know he won't want to see the GP or visit a therapist, I am happy to help him do this, but am worried the pressure I apply would add more negative feelings towards me when he is already trying to push me away. At the same time i think it might be a relief to have someone else take the deciding factor away.

blondguy · ‎02-08-2016

Hi Lexi

Thanks for posting back. You are committed thats for sure and good on you. His depression is similar to walking around with a heavy blanket over your head and trying to find the way...It is energy draining. Has his anxiety returned or come back?.

You are in a difficult position Lexi as he is the only person that can initiate recovery. Why doesnt he want to see his GP? Its no different to having a broken leg...we have to get treatment. Not wishing to see his doc or do the follow up appointments isnt healthy. I hope it doesnt effect his recovery.

I re-read your first post. He is happy when you stay over which is a huge bonus. Besides the depression is he being a bit hesitant (afraid) of commitment? Depression can be a pain but if a sufferer really likes their partner it shouldnt really be a problem committing.

If his parents are local they would be very concerned that he is unwilling to continue seeing his doc Lexi.

Your ability to assist is only limited by your partner. I hope you ( or his relatives) can through to him.

You are a caring and thoughtful person Lexi...I hope some of this is a help.

you are more than welcome to post back as you wish Lexi

Kind thoughts

Paulx

Lexi22 · ‎02-08-2016

Hi Paul

His anxiety has not returned which is great, but he is struggling with feeling so flat all the time.

I have been researching the medication he is on and 'emotional blunting' as they refer to it seems to be a common symptom of this type of medication. It may be that he just needs to visit his GP and let them know how he is feeling. The guilt may be coming from this too.

His family all suffer from depression of some form, he has recently moved 6hrs away from them to keep out of the 'drama' as he calls it. His mother is the only other person he talks to about how he feels, but he keeps saying she doesn't know him anymore. I try to keep out of their discussions.

He says he doesn't know how to fix how he feels, but visiting the GP should be top of his list.

I am taking a few days off work to visit him to talk about how he is feeling. Hopefully I can convince him to get to the GP.

I spoke to a Psychologist this morning, I am shocked therapy and medication are two separate treatment programmes, i assumed the psychologist would see best what he needs.

Thanks for your advice and kind words

blondguy · ‎02-08-2016

Hi Lexi

I just read a few words you said that can be the key that unlocks the door to your partners recovery...........

" It may be that he just needs to visit his GP and let them know how he is feeling"

He wont know how to fix how he feels.....unless he 'accepts' that he needs the follow up care he deserves.

You are a super kind person to be caring the way you do....and well done. At the end of the day if he has any deep feelings for you he will agree to further appointments. (I am still seeing my GP regularly for a tune up with my depression)

The psychologist will help him with his thinking and help him recover using various coping mechanisms..The meds are handled by a GP or in more complex depression, a psychiatrist who like a GP can write a script for meds.

Any questions please ask away....there are many kind folk on the forums that can be here for you Lexi 🙂

You are a great carer....

My best

Paul