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Sophie_M Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?
  • replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents... View more

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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thorn-clarks Boyfriend with depression. In desperate need of advice
  • replies: 3

I have been with my partner for 6 months. I'm not going to tell you our relationship were perfect in the beginning and then it all fell apart because he has depression. But I am going to tell you, he was different. He had motivation for life and work... View more

I have been with my partner for 6 months. I'm not going to tell you our relationship were perfect in the beginning and then it all fell apart because he has depression. But I am going to tell you, he was different. He had motivation for life and work, he once enjoyed affection, and loved being around me. So much so, he moved after a couple of weeks of being together. As of about two weeks ago he started living back at home, due to feeling an overwhelming need to be alone. I have approached him regarding this issue, and yes it did cause a fight which resulted with me in tears. The following morning, it ended with him in tears scared that I was going to leave him. I should point out that I have Bipolar disorder, so identifying signs of depression is kind of second nature. Having been living with him I was able to see him at his happiness, saddest and most vulnerable. And he's showing all signs of depression, however in the past two weeks particularly its taken a major toll on our relationship. I understand its difficult for someone with depression to focus on anything but what's going on in his head, however I feel if it continues he's going to spiral down and fast. He's agreed to see a professional, however won't commit to a day. My main concern is what can I do, to help him and salvage our relationship.

Ben2 How to support depressed partner and recognise the triggers
  • replies: 2

Hi Beyond Blue. Im a 25 year old male going out with a 30 year old female. We have had a good relationship up until earlier of the start of this year. My partner has severe depression. She has told me she has had it for years but has only started tak... View more

Hi Beyond Blue. Im a 25 year old male going out with a 30 year old female. We have had a good relationship up until earlier of the start of this year. My partner has severe depression. She has told me she has had it for years but has only started taking medication for it around 3 months ago. Im often left unsure what to do or how to cope when she has an episode as I've never dealt with depression personally and don't know what its like. Almost every week she has a breakdown and its hard to deal with, often to the point where I can't see family members or friends as I know this will set her off. Well today I told her I couldn't do this anymore as it was starting to feel suffocating not being able to see or hang out with anyone else besides her. She took it the wrong way and now I feel bad about it. I just want some sort of stable lifestyle balance but lately its a mess. I feel like I don't have much of a social life anymore due to always having to be with her. She thinks im abandoning her if i'm with someone else but when she gets invited she doesn't want to come. Its a very tough thing to deal with and I'm not sure what to do anymore. The treatment she is on doesn't seem to work and I have no one else to ask. Any help would be much appreciated.

emn_ems Best approach to caring for someone with depression.
  • replies: 7

Hi there, this is my first post in an online forum and it is a rather lengthy one, please forgive anything that doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I am seeking some advice on how to best approach caring for someone very close to me who suffers clinic... View more

Hi there, this is my first post in an online forum and it is a rather lengthy one, please forgive anything that doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I am seeking some advice on how to best approach caring for someone very close to me who suffers clinical depression and terrible mood swings. Some background; in April last year I was coming out of my own recovery from a four year battle with anorexia when I met one of the most wonderful people I ever have who became my partner. He has been under the control of a depressive disorder for the last six years and I have known this about him for almost as long as I have known him. In the beginning of our relationship, he was very open about it all, including about how the new and intense feelings of love and happiness scared him. Our relationship was as near to perfect as can be, and for a long time I helped him through his mood swings and the conflict that came in both the highs and the lows. A few times now he has cut contact with me, cut off the relationship, with no discernible reason or prompt. Each time within weeks or even days, he returns and I see how broken he is over that. Knowing the control a mental illness can have, I do not and have never blamed him for those and I still care about him, love him, very deeply. After a long while of this back-and-forth love-and-hate, we've finally reached a point of being on the same page, that a romantic relationship is not possible and not healthy while he is under such a powerful control of his depression. In essence, we are "on hold". We speak nearly every day, and still have the same easy connection we always have, but there are days that he very unpredictably will cease contact; not talk at all whether it be casually or about what is going on in his mood. In my searches for advice on "loving someone with depression", almost every source tells me that reaching out is the best thing to do. In the past I have tried to reach out to him when he is in a low mood and it makes him *extremely* angry, and sparks fear in me that he will hate me for trying to help but doing the wrong thing. How do I care for him, is there anything that I can do to help him, when I don't think he even knows why he feels so bad?

lilley All I want to be is Happy
  • replies: 7

I feel as though a can't breath , all I want is for it to stop,I can see hope, I can see happiness, I can see a future , my life is half over but I can still find joy. I can't see life through his eyes his darkness his sadness,his pain. Am I selfish ... View more

I feel as though a can't breath , all I want is for it to stop,I can see hope, I can see happiness, I can see a future , my life is half over but I can still find joy. I can't see life through his eyes his darkness his sadness,his pain. Am I selfish , I try and try but his constant misery,his spiral of destruction,his words of death. I really pray sometimes that I will die first just so he can be alone and see that I was a person once truly alive but not noticed or appreciated . My feelings matter ,I am just as vulnerable to the world as you, ,I can't see the world as you ,I don't want to die like you do, you know you are depressed ,you know you are able to get help .But you make me want to die the one who is suppose to love and support me ,your moments of hope and joy and love then just complete blackness. I just want to end it, but I know there is hope I know there is joy in life , I can find joy in small things but you only bring me false hope .I think all is getting better and then it just crumbles again. life has been hard together but I am not sure I will survive.It is not your fault but then what is it when you refuse to get help or even try, who's fault is that. I don't know the answers all I know is the pain I feel every day and the fight to not give up and push though my thoughts of hopelessness. To try so hard to only hear your words of darkness . I cannot survive in this world ,but I am not one to walk away. I only see my self-destruction

ILoveDogs How do I help a partner with depression?
  • replies: 6

Hi everyone, I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and he has suffered from depression and anxiety since just before he met me. We are in a long distance relationship (3 hours one way). I really just want to hear from those who have depres... View more

Hi everyone, I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and he has suffered from depression and anxiety since just before he met me. We are in a long distance relationship (3 hours one way). I really just want to hear from those who have depression and are in a relationship as well as those who support a partner from depression. I have difficulty understand what he needs. He pushes me away a lot and tells me he just needs space. I have difficulty giving him space as i love him and miss him when we're apart. He tells me I'm selfish and clingy when I worry about him and that I don't think about what he wants at all. This is far from true but I'm not sure how I can try and see if from his perspective. He has taken medicine for his depression/anxiety since before I met him, but about a year ago he said he wanted to get off them and so just stopped taking them. He did say he felt much better, but I was reluctant to support him in that decision as I knew it wasn't a good idea. I think he's been doing well since coming off them but recently (maybe last 6 months) we've had some bigger fights. I'll get to the point. I haven't seen him for a week now (which is a long time for me) and have tried to organise when we will see each other next. He has been in a bad mood for the last few days and says he just wants time to himself for a while. I want to be okay with leaving it for another few days or a week but if I'm honest it's just a lot harder for me. Sometimes I feel like he doesn't treat me well, but I think this kind of behaviour is very often associated with depression. I just want to know what to do right now. Do I be 'selfish' and visit him in the next couple of days or do I wait for him to visit me (next week he says)? I want to be happy in this relationship too but I'm often being brought down by him and being told that I'm doing that to him even though I'm not. Has anyone had a similar situation?

Evaneeslee77 Managing my own depression, but husband is pretty bad at the moment
  • replies: 1

I am 38 year old female suffering depression and anxiety I am managing pretty good but my husband also suffers depression most likely major. He is really bad atm, he is 56 and in Jan we relocated for my work. Since then he hasn't had work and he has ... View more

I am 38 year old female suffering depression and anxiety I am managing pretty good but my husband also suffers depression most likely major. He is really bad atm, he is 56 and in Jan we relocated for my work. Since then he hasn't had work and he has slowly lost motivation and all hope. He says he feels nothing he's often in his own world and doesn't listen to stuff going on around him. By doing this he is missing important information. Then we argue coz I'd say u were there when that was said but he knows nothing about it. So frustrating! He has applied for jobs but only had 1 interview. I have 2 kids, 20 year old female who has panic disorder and social phobia and possibly autism. My son is 17 and is diagnosed autistic. We have trouble agreeing on the kids even tho he has been around since my son was 6. Both kids have been extremely stressful over the years and have taken a toll on both of us. Although he has 2 older grown up girls and they have also caused their share of stress. I dragged him to doc in Feb coz the way he is gets me down, and we are not living just existing. Doc referred him to psychiatrist which I've been asking him about but he's shady finally told me app didn't suit and he didn't reschedule. He isn't social at all. Has no friends. He's withdrawn and thinks therapy is not for him. I'm at my wits end and we're discussing him moving by himself to try and get better but he will most likely just doing nothing about all this. I'm upset and need my husband back he's slowly slipped away and he's an empty shell. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Haunted77 Whe do you give up on them, when they will just refuse to admit any issue??
  • replies: 14

Some history....8 years ago my husband was diagnosed with severe depression after a breakdown, he was medicated. We went through a lot of turmoil, he started confiding in another woman and hid it from me, told me he didn't love me and sat the kids do... View more

Some history....8 years ago my husband was diagnosed with severe depression after a breakdown, he was medicated. We went through a lot of turmoil, he started confiding in another woman and hid it from me, told me he didn't love me and sat the kids down and told them at Xmas, they were 7 & 8 at the time. 8 years on, we started a new life here and things were great. The last 2 years have been hurrendous. He stopped the medication around four years ago, but I seriously think he needs to get help again. He is so negative ALL the time. It doesn't matter how often he spends money, buys new cars, he is never happy. He snaps at everything and is paranoid that me and the kids are out to get him. He speaks to me like dirt and when I call him on it he says its me and I need help. my eldest who is now 16, says his Dad is an example of 'how not to treat women'. This breaks my heart. We've been together 21 years and I miss him, the real him. I don't know this man, I get anxious when he calls me or whe he comes home, scared of what mood he's going to come home in. If I dare try and bring the subject up, he blames me (to the point I am now actually seeing a psychologist because he has got me second guessing myself). when is enough enough? Do I just stick with it until he finally gets help? Or will there come a time when I've had enough of trying to be positive? im heartbroken because I feel like I'm grieving for the beautiful husband I once had who has been replaced by this bitter, negative man. Thanks you for any advice you can offer

KylieC Can't trust since my husband attempted suicide
  • replies: 5

So my husband attempted to take his life nearly 12 months ago. He has been in rehab for this entire time and still is. He is physically ok but has some now severe brain injury. He has no short or long term memory is often confused retains no new info... View more

So my husband attempted to take his life nearly 12 months ago. He has been in rehab for this entire time and still is. He is physically ok but has some now severe brain injury. He has no short or long term memory is often confused retains no new information and needs helps and promoting in all his cognitive functions. If he was to come home he would need full time care to make sure he is ok. I have decided that he can't come home and now is facing life in aged care home. I struggle with this decision daily. I feel the majority of this decision has been made as I can't face that he may do this again and just can't get over the fact that one day I may have to or my kids witness what I seem last time which will never leave me . I also have two small children and to leave work to look after him would mean we have no money to live and my kids don't deserve that.how can I stop this feeling of guilt and try and move on !!!! beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:8.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:107%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

SupportiveWife Depressed spouse - struggling wife
  • replies: 9

Hi All, I am a wife of a depressed husband. He has been battling this for the last few years but only acknowledged it this year and finally went to the doctor who confirmed after a mental health assessment that he is depressed. I was so relieved when... View more

Hi All, I am a wife of a depressed husband. He has been battling this for the last few years but only acknowledged it this year and finally went to the doctor who confirmed after a mental health assessment that he is depressed. I was so relieved when he agreed for me to make him an appointment finally after years of begging him to go. He's a very private person and quiet stubborn and set in his ways. He leads a very healthy lifestyle in every way from gym, healthy eating, no drugs/alcohol/caffeine. He did start counselling a few months ago. He doesn't talk to me about them at all (which is fine if he can't) but did say last week he thinks it may be helping. The last few years I have been there and just try and understand and support what he's going through but lately I'm struggling to the point I feel like I am also slipping into a depressed state. I guess I have taken on most roles in our household and child rearing, I also work as does he full time. I feel like I have been married to a robot. He shows no emotion, he does not talk to me about anything on a deeper level such as his depression. I desperately have tried to connect with him more but he's just so distant and disconnected. Friends and family members have noticed this too which always makes me anxious about any social gatherings to the point we very rarely go out with friends any more just to immediate family gatherings (which he doesn't always like to attend). Before the counselling he would go to his "man cave" for hours on end to engage in his hobby, this was also hard as some days I would be waiting for him to emerge to spend family time together. I tried to be patient with this also as he told me it's his way of coping (where other people may consume drugs he does his hobby) Lately this has improved somewhat. We have zero intimacy in our marriage and this has also been very hard as I am a very affectionate person. We have only made love once in the last year and a half. I even told him we don't need to make love but he can show intimacy in other ways such as a hug but this also does not happen. I've always been so hopeful that we can overcome it and tackle it together but lately I am losing hope that I'll ever get my man back and I'm tired. Tired of pretending everything is ok, tired of being deprived of any love and affection, tired of doing everything without any appreciation. I also constantly feel guilty for feeling this way as I should be a loving and supportive wife.

Malleyc My girlfriend
  • replies: 2

My my beautiful girlfriend has been suffering for a couple months it's hard seeing her suffer and what makes worst is we have four beautiful kids i cry every night thats why i am on beyondblue just need to talk to someone for help

My my beautiful girlfriend has been suffering for a couple months it's hard seeing her suffer and what makes worst is we have four beautiful kids i cry every night thats why i am on beyondblue just need to talk to someone for help