Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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My partner is suffering

replies: 4

Hi, My beautiful, loving, caring amazing partner is suffering & I believe it is from depression. I have googled and found that the signs point to yes. My partner works away in the mines in a very demanding job, he is very high in the company and deals with a lot of stress and a massive work load. In the last few months I have noticed him go down hill. Last year we left our home town with our friends and family and moved to be closer to his daughter, my gorgeous step daughter who has just turned 8. We brought a house & things were amazing, for awhile. The mother of his daughter decided to pack up and moved 1.5 from us, making it hard for us to have her, get her to school etc but we still did it. He came home 2 swings ago and we decided that we would move back home and be able to see his daughter and spend more quality time with her on school holidays. This was meant to happen in Nov 16. He came home from work 2 weeks ago, we went and had a beer, many beers, he then decided to tell me that he didn't want to have kids, didn't want to get married, he didn't know what he wanted, he is suffocating with work, he has 1000000 things going through his head, he has had several panic attacks in this period. He has cried, pushed me away, told me he loves me, ignored me, hurt me. He is such an amazing man, I have never seen him like this before. i told him I'm not giving up, I'm going to fight for him and our future. he went back to work asked me for space which kills me, not to be able to talk to him and to know if he is okay. I get a message maybe once a day. i decided that I need to do something, so our best friends are on the first flight here when he returns from home, to help me get him to a doctor and help him not throw away his life. I am worried how he will react to this, I know it will be a long and hard road but I need to think of the positives. I hope I am doing the right thing. I have asked him are you depressed and he said no, I said do you even know what it means, and there was no reply. He hasn't had the best family upbringing either so this affects him. Everything has just got on top of him in the last few months and I need to save him and our life. Thanks for listening

I'm a Mum looking for help for my daughter who is having trouble forming friendships with her community around her.

replies: 2

My daughter is happily married but cant form friendships with the other Mums in her community. She is not included or considered for social events. She has lost all confidence. This is a reoccurring trend since early teenage hood. In her teenage year... View more

Walking on eggshells with ex-partner with anxiety, depression and OCD

replies: 9

hi can anyone help me I so confused - my now ex partner has sever anxiety, depression and ocd. its got to the point where he hates me every other day and I don't know what I have done wrong. im walking on egg shells and I have no idea what to do or say. Thing sused to be great but I think he band aided his problems until he was comfortable. The conversation was great he treated me a princess, but the cracks started to appear. he did go to the dr as he knew he had a problem I was so relieved as I thought he would get some support and possibly be put on medication. he went once and didn't go back and there was no medication given. He keeps pushing me away, almost once a month he tells me he needs a few weeks alone time to get his issues sorted this has been ongoing. he goes into a complete slump. he hates the world and does not want to be around people - he tells me everything im doing is wrong or he will come and check to see if im doing it to his standards. I cant cook in peace with out him saying its wrong, I wash up dishes wrong, I work out wrong, I do the shopping wrong, my hair colour is wrong, my makeup is wrong and I look like a witch, my body is not how it should be and I should be more fit (ive lost 16kgs in the last 10 months buy living a healthy lifestyle). I cant touch the windows in his car without him getting upset, I cant leave a screen door open without getting told off, I dress up and he laughs at me. He wont look at me when were intimate and the lights have to be off and I have to undress my self. I cant talk about friends, and I cant post anything on social media without getting a backlash. He has a child who cops the same treatment to the point where I feel guilty and say something then im the bad person. I just need to know is this common in people with mental illness or is it just me. I feel so worthless and I think that maybe it is just me. it it common to push everyone away and why do they push people away. any advice would be great.

Can anyone help me?

replies: 8

I am a senior male taking out a woman for 4 years after the death of my wife. She has now been off work for 5 months with severe anxiety disorder and during that time with the Phsychiatrists blessing I have called on her each morning for a coffee, short shopping trip, or short walk but we have not been out anywhere or had any intimacy whatsoever. It has been up and down but she is so scared of almost anything and anything I suggest like going to a restaurant or staying over at my place for a couple of days is rejected. She has a good relationship with the Psychiatrist but all we appear to be doing is waiting to get better. I want her to try being a bit more pro-active and start to do normal things like going out, going away for weekends and making love as normal. Certainly not restaurants every week but slowly getting back to normal activity. Obviously I should not take the rejection personally but it is so hard. It is tearing me apart and I now am suffering anxiety and depression over my concern for her. Beyond Blue offers a referral service to professionals but I just want to talk to others who are experiencing the same or who have done so and survived! What else can I do to help my woman? She is scheduled to return to work in another 8 weeks but I cannot see this happening at this stage although last week it appeared she was making such good progress and within a couple of days she was back to square one. A fortnightly Psychiatrist appointment is ok but all we are doing is waiting to get better! There must be a better way? Can you help me? Thanks, Tryhard

It's all a bit much today!

replies: 9

Hi New member to beyond blue and just thought I would say Hi Today is the day that I have decided to look for help & support from others who feel like I do, I have a husband who suffers from anxiety/depression and a young teenage daughter who has anxiety issues and I just find that sometimes it gets a bit much. Being the "stable/balanced one" isn't all that it's cracked up to be and sometimes I feel the scales are very unbalanced.

advice of helping friend with (possibly) Borderline Personality Disorder

replies: 5

Hi all -Although my friend was also a romantic partner, for the past 2 years we've been in and out of the relationship, which went from being wonderful to absolutely toxic. Not having informed myself at the time, i didnt have the tools or strategies to work through these episodes with her, and therefore tried to argue her moods swings, false accusations, doubts of our care for each other, etc. Big mistake! After having read a lot about BDP, i suspect she is suffering from this as she definitely shows signs (from the infamous 9), thankfully not self-harming or suicidal.I care for this person dearly even though i know that the relationship between us cannot continue this way, as it must be painful for her and it definitely has taken its toll on me also. we haven't spoken in a while since the last rage.My question is that i fear that to date, with all her visits to psychologists (4 different ones in the last 8 months), she may not have had discussions about BDP, since she has told me most of them mention anxiety and mild depression to her. she has never made mention of BDP at all. The question then also remains, would a BDP sufferer explain all the episodes with her psychiatrist, for him/her to be able to assess properly ?!?She has not involved me with her friends or family, and therefore my only option is unsolicited contact with them.I feel like i should be providing some information on the episodes and my experience with her as her partner, since i think this could go a long way to possibly helping her in the end. I'm not suggesting my diagnosis is correct, but the symptoms listed are definitely what i've experienced with her.Keen to hear other similar experiences, and whether i should simply stay out of it or get my experience heard to her family/friends/psychiatrists - with the only objective to make BDP a possible cause of her behavior that should be looked into at least, and could possibly lead her to a recovery path.Thank you

How do I tell my partner her mother is dying

replies: 5

I have to tell my partner her mother is dying. Whenever I feel brave enough to broach the subject I start to shake, hyperventilate, cry, basically have a panic attack. Part of this I think stems from the fact that I have not dealt very well with the death of my former partner or my mother. I also do not feel strong enough to support my partner adequately. My partner has had ongoing health issues herself and has had issues with depression and suicide which have left me more vulnerable. I am her full time carer as she has Cerebral Palsy and need help with day to day living. She has no other relatives that can help and her father is in a nursing home. I just don't know how to cope.

UPDATED: My husband has anxiety, but he is blaming me and telling me that I need help

replies: 8

My husband was diagnosed with anxiety about four years ago. Things hadn't been right for probably two years before that. We have three children together. My husband has never sought counselling, instead saying that the medication was all he needed. We had essentially separated, although living together still for twelve months. Earlier this year he walked out. At the time I was really upset, but it very quickly turned to relief. Relief that I didn't get scared coming home each day to see what mood he would be in, relief that no one was at home that would yell at me and tell me that I was ruining his life, relief that I could finally make decisions for myself without putting myself to the side for him. He then started to tell me that I was 'messing with his head' and that I was the one ruining the relationship. I don't feel that he respects me. He has told me that all he wants is a sexual relationship and he doesn't seem to understand that this is not important to me. I still love him and would like to try to work things out but I don't know that anything will change. He is blaming me and telling me that I need help. He tells me that he never really had any mental health issues. According to him, the doctor misdiagnosed him. I feel lost. I don't want to keep going through all this heart ache. Our children have told me that they don't want him to move back in because they don't want to be yelled at anymore. They still see him and have spent some time with him. This seems okay and the kids are happy when they return. I have accessed some counselling. My husband will not go and believes that couples counselling is not good because it is only me with the problem. I want to help him and us but not sure what to do. I have family who are telling me to walk away but it is hard. I also know the type of person he can be and really wish that person would come back. Any thoughts would be welcomed.

My partner feels numb emotionally and physically towards me, how do i stop him pushing me away when he needs help

replies: 5

My partner has recently started taking medication for depression that has been recurring over a three year period. It has helped reduce anxiety and the ups and downs but has not helped with him still feeling 'flat' in all most of live. He isn't motivated, or interested in the things he use to be. He tells me he enjoys spending time with me and having me stay with him (he lives a few hours away so we only see each other every other week) but also says he feels so cold emotionally and physically, which is leaving him feeling so guilty that it's eating him up inside. He says he doesn't know how to fix it. Things have gotten worse all of a sudden when I applied for a job close to where he lives, the pressure of me moving closer may be too much for him. I am not great at discussing feelings, which makes two of us. After starting his medication he was supposed to go back to the doctor every six weeks throughout the six months script to discuss his progression, but hasn't been back. I am disappointed that the GP hasn't made him come back? Any help on how i should support him would be greatly appreciated. I'm struggling to know what i should do. I am a source of his troubles, with

Help me understand my partners depression

replies: 3

Hi everyone I'm here to try and understand how to support my partner and her depression,we have been together nearly a year now and we live together but lately we are fighting more because I don't understand her depression and she is right I don't,I've never been with any one who suffers from it so I don't know what today or do to help her as when I do say something 9times out of 10 it's wrong and makes matters worse any advice would be great as I love my partner and am willing to do what it takes to work through this with her cheers

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

My partner is suffering replies: 4

I'm a Mum looking for help for my daughter who is having trouble forming friendships with her community around her. replies: 2

Walking on eggshells with ex-partner with anxiety, depression and OCD replies: 9

Can anyone help me? replies: 8

It's all a bit much today! replies: 9

advice of helping friend with (possibly) Borderline Personality Disorder replies: 5

How do I tell my partner her mother is dying replies: 5

UPDATED: My husband has anxiety, but he is blaming me and telling me that I need help replies: 8

My partner feels numb emotionally and physically towards me, how do i stop him pushing me away when he needs help replies: 5

Help me understand my partners depression replies: 3