Depression, Anxiety & OCD - My Boyfriend needs time to be alone

Peppie · ‎26-03-2016

My Boyfriend of 6 months started to experience a form of OCD which started soon after we started dating. This caused his anxiety to worsen and as a result he now also has depression. He has had 6 or so appointments with a psychologist in this time which is a good thing and has recently been prescribed antidepressants (but wont take them). Earlier this week (Tues) he sent me a messaged and said we needed to talk, I knew immediately what was about to happen. He told me he is a mess, and his head is a mess and that he needs to be on his own to sort himself out, which means we cant be together. He said, if we have any chance of being together in the future he needs to do this now, for him and me. he said he would call in a couple of weeks. Later that night (midnight) he called to apologise for hurting me and said he thought he was doing the right thing for me but he has never felt more alone and that he had lost his entire support network. We met yesterday (Friday) and I laid everything out on the table and told him that i would be there for him to support him in whatever way he needed. We decided, we should just pause for a couple of weeks, and not break up until he has time to think and try and clear his head. He said he loves me and doesnt want to lose me from his life.

Moving forward, He is apparently off O/S to attend a mental health retreat (I don't know the full details). His parents have apparently looked into it and organised it. I am concerned they think he will go there and come back cured. He is also Moving to Rural NSW (10 hours from any major city), for his job towards the end of April. He will have limited to no access to health services, No support network, no friends and be isolated. I fear this will cause him to spiral out of control.

I am respecting his decision that he needs time to be alone, as difficult as it is. Although confused at the idea that he still is engaging with his friends and family but I, the one person who has shown any understanding and support the whole time has restricted contact. I guess i'm struggling with the fact that I love him with all my heart, and I really don't know what to do. I know I can only say and show him that I will be there for him but at the same time know I cant put my life on hold waiting and hoping that we can work a way through this together and come out the other side.

Help!

trustlife · ‎29-03-2016

Fair play to you Peppie, you've done an excellent job here. Do you know why he doesn't take his medication? Can the 2 of you go along to the next visit?

I would sell the idea of a joint visit like this:-

If he admits he's a mess and is all over the place then firstly congratulate him and say that's a great start. (It may no be , but no harm in saying that). Secondly (this is the biggie), ask him does he trust you. You should get a yes then offer to set up the next appointment together.

The O/S trip sounds a bit vague and perhaps you could approach his parents with your concerns and lay it all out the way you wrote this post. You have every right to know the full details but you need to be extremely sensitive how you ask them. Word it like "I'm concerned about this O/S trip and I'd feel a lot better if I understood the details? Do you understand?" I wouldn't mention your fear of him returning still not cured. I'm sure they are doing what they believe is best and are probably just as worried as you and probably embarrassed, hence the secrecy.

I agree, you can't put your life on hold. Get an ally in the family to work with you. They seem to know a bit more about it all. Can you have a quite word with just his mother first?