Where do we go from here

[Violet-Acacia]

Long story short my friend has been anorexic, bulimic, depressed and has anxiety...we thought she was getting better but she's been pushing us all away. I know the signs and i can see she's going down a really dangerous path, this has all happened before about 2 years ago. I'be been there for the past 5 years, but i can't drag her out of this one. I've always said that if she doesnt deal with this its going to kill her. I feel bad for admitting that i'm waiting around for the phone to ring and finding out that she's gone. We can't help her, she doesnt want her... she refuses. So much has happened, it's too much to explain. Some of the things that would only happen in movies or you hear about; she lost a baby...how am i supposed to help her with that. She thinks she killed it...but she was 15 and a natural process. She couldnt have prevented that. I can just see all the bad things turning toxic; wanting a boyfriend to validate her existence. Ive run out of things to say to her, she doesnt even want to be around me. She resents me for being "thin" and according to her "perfect". I really dont know what to do anymore, and all this has come about by the smallest thing that seems like it would be so easy to fix. But i know her, this is a never ending cycle... the only way i can see it ending is badly. 

[Starwolf]

Hi Violet,

So sad to read that someone you care deeply for is in dire straits. You summed it up well...you have done all you could to help but she doesn't want help.

There is however one thing you can do : look after yourself during this difficult time. You are a good, supportive  friend but you cannot force anyone to make what you know is the right decision. You have courageously met your responsibilities by doing the best you could but that's where it stops. The result of your efforts is out of your hands. You are not to be blamed for any of this so be kind to yourself and do whatever it takes to nurture your own needs. Venting your feelings via these forums is a good start, a terrific decision. Well done !

The feeling of helplessness is not easy to cope with and my heart goes out to you. Keeping hope while letting go of expectations is a fragile balance. Emotional withdrawal is easier said than done but in the face of something that cannot be changed, retreat is a brave and wise decision. Being dragged into her negative head space won't do either of you any good. Please stop trying. Keeping on is only exhausting you and compels her to fight your attempts. Perhaps your letting go may stop her in her self-destructive path. Perhaps not. 

Thank you for sharing your feelings. Quite a few of us will relate to the pain of helplessly watching a loved one decline. No one can impose a choice on your friend but we can be here for you and offer understanding and support to help  you through this difficult time.

I hope you will keep posting here to let us know how you go. I'll be thinking of you.