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Sophie_M Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?
  • replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents... View more

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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Lexi22 My partner feels numb emotionally and physically towards me, how do i stop him pushing me away when he needs help
  • replies: 5

My partner has recently started taking medication for depression that has been recurring over a three year period. It has helped reduce anxiety and the ups and downs but has not helped with him still feeling 'flat' in all most of live. He isn't motiv... View more

My partner has recently started taking medication for depression that has been recurring over a three year period. It has helped reduce anxiety and the ups and downs but has not helped with him still feeling 'flat' in all most of live. He isn't motivated, or interested in the things he use to be. He tells me he enjoys spending time with me and having me stay with him (he lives a few hours away so we only see each other every other week) but also says he feels so cold emotionally and physically, which is leaving him feeling so guilty that it's eating him up inside. He says he doesn't know how to fix it. Things have gotten worse all of a sudden when I applied for a job close to where he lives, the pressure of me moving closer may be too much for him. I am not great at discussing feelings, which makes two of us. After starting his medication he was supposed to go back to the doctor every six weeks throughout the six months script to discuss his progression, but hasn't been back. I am disappointed that the GP hasn't made him come back? Any help on how i should support him would be greatly appreciated. I'm struggling to know what i should do. I am a source of his troubles, with

Lee75c Help me understand my partners depression
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone I'm here to try and understand how to support my partner and her depression,we have been together nearly a year now and we live together but lately we are fighting more because I don't understand her depression and she is right I don't,I'... View more

Hi everyone I'm here to try and understand how to support my partner and her depression,we have been together nearly a year now and we live together but lately we are fighting more because I don't understand her depression and she is right I don't,I've never been with any one who suffers from it so I don't know what today or do to help her as when I do say something 9times out of 10 it's wrong and makes matters worse any advice would be great as I love my partner and am willing to do what it takes to work through this with her cheers

J06 UPDATED: Depressed/anxious adult son
  • replies: 6

I have a severely depressed single adult son. Has seen many psychologist and psychiatrists none of whom have been able to help. Issues are many, started in childhood and have continued through his life. Has few friends, no partner. Different medicati... View more

I have a severely depressed single adult son. Has seen many psychologist and psychiatrists none of whom have been able to help. Issues are many, started in childhood and have continued through his life. Has few friends, no partner. Different medications over many years haven't helped. I live in another state, he says he doesn't want me to visit as we will just argue. Probably true. But do I just go anyway? He can't see why I didn't see the signs from when he was a young child. Feels that other siblings were always sided with against him. Blames siblings for also not showing enough care towards him. I hear what he says and see why in his current state of mind he feels the way he does but I don't see it so black and white and when I suggest it wasn't quite the way he saw it he gets annoyed! I had a busy life, my husband and I worked full time to educate our children. They each had a different activity after school. I took one child to one (several miles away), my husband took another child to the other (several miles away) and this son was taken by a neighbour to his chosen activity with his friend. He now feels that I chose to take one, his father chose to take one and he was left with the neighbour. But it wasn't done in the way he said. Why didn't I see some signs and do something about it. I thought his behaviour was just poor children's behaviour. From being a baby he had a bad relationship with his father. He will say something and then several months later will say that he had waved a flag at me during that time and why hadn't I seen it. I'm not thick or stupid, although maybe I'm blinkered? I don't know what to do. I ring about twice weekly. He seems to have reached a place where he is convinced the world is against him, he is so convinced he is right and that no-one can help him that he just says - this won't help, that won't help, these people haven't helped over many many years so why should a different person. I wish he had someone to love him, who he could come home to and who he can talk to on a daily basis. If he felt loved he might feel less lonely and might cope better. Or am I clutching at straws. Any suggestions as to what I could do to help him will be greatly appreciated. We are past self help books, music, candles, relaxation CD's etc. Coming home is not an option because he needs to be near his work and he has no friends or contacts here and its rural. Thank you.

Michelle09 Struggling to support my mum who lives in a different state
  • replies: 9

Hi, I'm 22 and can't seem to help my mum. 7 years ago my dad had an affair with my mums best friend & then my mum moved to QLD, I went with her, my 3 sisters stayed with my dad. After a year my sisters told my mum they don't want anything to do with ... View more

Hi, I'm 22 and can't seem to help my mum. 7 years ago my dad had an affair with my mums best friend & then my mum moved to QLD, I went with her, my 3 sisters stayed with my dad. After a year my sisters told my mum they don't want anything to do with her anymore. This is where the depression started, it wasn't too bad at first, then my pop passed away and it got worse, my sisters (who stopped all communication with my mum's side except for me) came to the funeral, this is where things turned into a nightmare. My sisters and dad no longer speak to me after the events that took place, I blame them for mums state. I then found out when my nan passed away, 1 year after my pop, that my mum tried to kill herself. It didn't suprise me. SHe finally seemed to get better for 4 months and then the past 2 months she is spiralling again but worse than before. When my pop passed away she moved to NSW to look after my nan. I feel horrible because it hurts so much that I can't be the child, that I have to be a parent and she is extremely clingy. The past month she hasn't asked about me, all she does is talk about herself and I'm starting to grow closer to my to be mother in law (getting married next year) and my mum isn't interested at all in the wedding and then complains about anything I bring up. I'm struggling with it all as she has no friends ( she seems to cause drama wherever she goes), my uncles who live near her are fed up with her behavior, gets upset when I can't come an visit her because I'm at uni and have 6 week pracs that I must attend. I love her so much but it feels like its getting too much, I'm constantly stressed, my marks have not been good since she takes everything out on me, I am crying every time after I speak to her because she makes me feel horrible. I don't know what to do. Any advice or recommendations would be appreciated.

lolman How to Identify Someone with Depression and how to Approach It?
  • replies: 3

Hi guys, I'm new to the forum and wondering what you guys would recommend is the best way of identifying and approaching depression. I'm in my late teenage years and I've always noticed by dad is constantly irritable and angry at the slightest touche... View more

Hi guys, I'm new to the forum and wondering what you guys would recommend is the best way of identifying and approaching depression. I'm in my late teenage years and I've always noticed by dad is constantly irritable and angry at the slightest touches. My mum would always soften the blow saying his anger is just a phase but it has gone worse overtime. My dad is in his late 50s and has been structurally unemployed for sometime. He lost his job years ago and finds it difficult to re-enter the workforce and I believe a part of him has lost the desire to seek employment. He spends most of his time indoors, entertaining himself through the likes of the internet. He doesn't have any local friends. Sometimes he wakes up just angry and irritable like someone had slapped him in the face as he left the bed. He rarely leaves the house, even when invited to go somewhere, unless its for grocery shopping or another necessity of the like. I feel like he constantly rages and when he's angry, and when he does, he just wants everyone else to share his pain. I'm in youth years and I desire to attend social events and experience culture but I'm constantly restricted from such freedoms due to his unhappy mood expressing his belief that I should be chained as an introvert to experience his pain. He occasionally argues with me, my brother or my mother. He has some good days where he laughs and shares a joke but other days he's unbearable and all of us just close the doors to clear out his raging tantrums. He's never physically hurt any of us, but there's always yelling with a strong temper and really loud voice. Despite all this, we all believe he's a good man. I believe he's just lost his way. I sometimes empathise with him, and believe if I were in his shoes, I'd feel a little upset myself. I think he's suffering from something, maybe depression? I guess the main point I want to say is, how can I know for sure if it is depression? If so, I strongly believe he'll deny it. I think my mum raised it once but he just past the advice. How can I convince him to convince himself to get help? Last thing is, I don't want anyone to think he's a bad man, calling child services or anything like that. Deep down, he honestly does care for his children, he always advocates on the need of education and always pays for my necessities like textbooks. He's only talked things, never neglected me physically. And at the end of the day, I still want this man to be my dad.

Mimimary Staying strong
  • replies: 1

How does the mother of a forty -something daughter with major issues stay strong? When psychotic episodes are 'real' and medication and help from the parents and only friend are rejected, it's tempting to walk. When you see the slippery slope get ste... View more

How does the mother of a forty -something daughter with major issues stay strong? When psychotic episodes are 'real' and medication and help from the parents and only friend are rejected, it's tempting to walk. When you see the slippery slope get steeper. When you know that one day, her home will be gone and there will be noting left - what then? When she never says thanks or even recognise help? Even when she's okay, she's mostly not nice and treading on ice is the only way to keep the relationship going, how on earth do we stay strong? When she doesn't even care about her kids? How?

Moonstruck I feel guilty deserting a friend due to their demands
  • replies: 7

Some of you know I had to distance myself from an old friend (male) with mild OCD, Aspergers type symptoms. I have been second guessing myself that I did the right thing and feeling bad about my decision . We had shared fun times together but in priv... View more

Some of you know I had to distance myself from an old friend (male) with mild OCD, Aspergers type symptoms. I have been second guessing myself that I did the right thing and feeling bad about my decision . We had shared fun times together but in private it was becoming too much for me to handle and he could not seem to control the desire to continue the behaviour. I ended things on June 2 and have been "up and down" with my emotions, guilt, regret, loneliness, ever since that I did the wrong thing. I ran into him by accident last week in a public place and he was pleasant friendly company leaving me guilty that I had "let him down" I'd ended our association due to his excessive, weird (some would say quite sick) demands and fantasy rituals and began regretting my decision as I enjoyed being out with him again. I went away last weekend and out of the blue he rang offering a lift to the airport (as he has done in the past) I accepted as I certainly needed a lift - again he was pleasant and I felt enormous relief that possibly we could continue to be acquaintances who occasionally caught up with each other, not lose touch altogether. I hate "losing people" who were important to me and despite his "problems" is a decent human being - it was like a huge weight had been lifted that there was no bad feeling on his part. He returned something of mine yesterday and while again friendly , said he found it "disturbing and quite uncomfortable" being around me now and asked that we try not to "run into each other again" as it was very hard to handle whenever he saw me. I feel bad that I have lost an entire friendship because I couldn't tolerate his OCD and Aspergers-type symptoms not noticeable to others - only to me in private. Perhaps I was wrong and they were harmless. If he could be happy without my participating in the rituals which had taken on a sexual sadistic aspect(I had to repeat certain lines, say the same words each time we were together alone etc) if he could have given all that up - I could have coped OK with the friendship continuing. he admitted he would have found it a big problem to stop the behaviour or controlling the desire to perform the rituals. Was there anything else I could have done? I am beating myself up that I have done the right thing.....I can't bear "losing people" from my life. Have I thrown a good friend away because he has a mental quirk?I feel I have stuffed up......again!!

blondguy 'I am Sorry' Overkill
  • replies: 43

Hey everyone and new posters too!....I need your help...understanding...and advice.. I have a close friend who is suffering with depression and increasing anxiety. She is in her late 40's and has been a company director for years until her marriage f... View more

Hey everyone and new posters too!....I need your help...understanding...and advice.. I have a close friend who is suffering with depression and increasing anxiety. She is in her late 40's and has been a company director for years until her marriage fell apart a few years ago. To avoid paragraphs which can be hard work to read for anyone I will use bullet points.. Every time I help her she apologises...over and over... She has chronic post operative pain after a gall bladder removal...(5 years ago) depression and anxiety have exacerbated since her operation...(on AD's...for 4 years) she is caring for her mum who is only in her 60's who is frail after a botched brain operation... I think she is a 'people pleaser'...strict catholic upbringing...nuns with big sticks..etc.. I have gently mentioned many times to my friend to stop apologising to me when I help her with anything...I just need some advice....Is the continual apologizing a sense of low self worth?....Or very low self esteem? I am stuck. I am a great care giver who can work wonders but I am lost on this one. I am currently looking after six people on a face to face basis...(not on the forums)...but the continual apologizing during any conversations is taking its toll on me. What do I do when someone I care about keeps apologizing to me all the time? Any understanding/advice would be greatly appreciated Thankyou for reading my post Any new posters are very welcome to help too! Kind Thoughts Paul

WinterB Constant worry for ill brother...
  • replies: 1

Hi there, I'm new here. Hopefully I can give a quick rundown with what's going on with me and why I've chosen to reach out... My brother (in his 40's) has been diagnosed with depression since his 20's. He also has a number of chronic health issues th... View more

Hi there, I'm new here. Hopefully I can give a quick rundown with what's going on with me and why I've chosen to reach out... My brother (in his 40's) has been diagnosed with depression since his 20's. He also has a number of chronic health issues that have contributed to this as well as bullying issues from the past (high school days) and so on... Although I'm not his carer (he still lives at home with our parents) I tend to offer whatever support I can by listening to him and texting/emailing (we don't live that close). Since November last year, his psych has decided to change his medication so, needless to say, things have been as rocky as ever since then. I always say the lines of communication are always open with me and that I'm here to listen, always, however the last few months I feel myself becoming effected by the lows he has been feeling and find myself becoming more and more distracted, even anxious as to his well being, day to day. This transition 'issues' to these new meds have been relentless and it seems that he may have a few days of feeling passable when he hits another low, again, and again. I feel so selfish even writing how it effects me when I know he's going through an agonising time right now, not to mention my poor parents who deal with this day in and day out. I'm finding that my distraction with this is having a ripple effect on my own family. I'm a mum to to kids and I need to focus on them and my husband, but it's so tricky at them moment. I find in bad tempered (due to more disappointment) as soon as I hear my brother has hit another low or he texts me to tell me how 'terrible' his life is. I am starting to feel guilty about having any 'fun' in my life as I know that things are anything but fun for him. Anything enjoyable planned lately feels melancholy for me as I can't shake my worry about his situation. I'm supposed to go on a little holiday with my husband and kids in a few weeks and I want to be present and happy around them, but I fear I will be gripped by anxiety and guilt about my brother's current situation whilst away. How frivolous it seems to be having a holiday at such a challenging time.... I'm sorry, this wasn't meant to be an essay. I'm just wondering if someone had some strategies for me to help me cope with all of this? Perhaps any ideas on how to try and control my responses to a situation I simply can't control?? I'm feeling bewildered and overwhelmed. Thanks So much

Cackle66 New Member - Concerned Mother - help!
  • replies: 6

Hi, this is my first post in the forums. I have a 26 year old son who was diagnosed with depression a couple of years ago. He lives with his Father at the moment, not too far from me. We have both supported him with his journey to wellness, although ... View more

Hi, this is my first post in the forums. I have a 26 year old son who was diagnosed with depression a couple of years ago. He lives with his Father at the moment, not too far from me. We have both supported him with his journey to wellness, although he states that he prefers to talk to me rather than his Dad (who has some health issues of his own). He is currently almost finished his Uni degree (after a lot of indecision in the early years as to what degree he would do). He seemed to be doing so well, enjoying uni, getting awards for top of his class, etc. and was taking his medication. Recently he has crashed again. Unfortunately, I saw the slight warning signs a couple of weeks ago, but was assured by both him and his Father that he was "fine". Now for my intervention, where I find that he is not okay, and has stopped taking his meds about 3-4 weeks ago approximately. His sleeping pattern is irregular, ie staying up all night playing on the computer/watching movies, etc. and then sleeping all day. I am so distressed and concerned for him that he has slipped again... I am so proud of the wonderful person that he is, and really don't know where to start to get him back on track. I have suggested that he makes an appointment for both of us with his psychologist as a starting point. I've also suggested he contacts some friends to catch up but he said he doesn't want to do that yet. He is also concerned that he has now missed too much uni and will fail this semester.... any help and advice would be appreciated.