How to Identify Someone with Depression and how to Approach It?

[lolman]

Hi guys,

I'm new to the forum and wondering what you guys would recommend is the best way of identifying and approaching depression.

I'm in my late teenage years and I've always noticed by dad is constantly irritable and angry at the slightest touches. My mum would always soften the blow saying his anger is just a phase but it has gone worse overtime.

My dad is in his late 50s and has been structurally unemployed for sometime. He lost his job years ago and finds it difficult to re-enter the workforce and I believe a part of him has lost the desire to seek employment. He spends most of his time indoors, entertaining himself through the likes of the internet. He doesn't have any local friends. Sometimes he wakes up just angry and irritable like someone had slapped him in the face as he left the bed. He rarely leaves the house, even when invited to go somewhere, unless its for grocery shopping or another necessity of the like. I feel like he constantly rages and when he's angry, and when he does, he just wants everyone else to share his pain. I'm in youth years and I desire to attend social events and experience culture but I'm constantly restricted from such freedoms due to his unhappy mood expressing his belief that I should be chained as an introvert to experience his pain.

He occasionally argues with me, my brother or my mother. He has some good days where he laughs and shares a joke but other days he's unbearable and all of us just close the doors to clear out his raging tantrums. He's never physically hurt any of us, but there's always yelling with a strong temper and really loud voice.

Despite all this, we all believe he's a good man. I believe he's just lost his way. I sometimes empathise with him, and believe if I were in his shoes, I'd feel a little upset myself. I think he's suffering from something, maybe depression?

I guess the main point I want to say is, how can I know for sure if it is depression? If so, I strongly believe he'll deny it. I think my mum raised it once but he just past the advice. How can I convince him to convince himself to get help?

Last thing is, I don't want anyone to think he's a bad man, calling child services or anything like that. Deep down, he honestly does care for his children, he always advocates on the need of education and always pays for my necessities like textbooks. He's only talked things, never neglected me physically. And at the end of the day, I still want this man to be my dad.

[blondguy]

Hello lolman

Welcome to the forums and well done for having the courage to post about your dad

You are very perceptive. He has seemed to have lost his way. The verbal bursts and low patience levels can just be signs of a guy that has been through a rough time, especially being out of work for a while. He is obviously used to being productive with his family and providing for them. When that is taken away it can hurt.

I have had depression for many years and see my GP for a fine tune a much as I can. The raging tantrums are an issue but it may be difficult for anyone to get him to go and see a GP which is the best first step in getting better.

Depression can involve waking up at night and not going back to sleep. Lack of appetite...noticeable lack of enjoyment in the things he used to love doing....Oversleeping and getting up late...verbal outbursts can be a sign of a tired/exhausted mind.

Avoiding Dr Google if possible. Beyond Blue have excellent help if you scroll down the page under 'The Facts' you will see 'Anxiety & Depression Checklist'...I hope this will help you help your dad. Its a great tool.

Subject to a GP confirming any depression there is also a header below "Supporting Someone' with depression

These are great tools that can help. There are many super kind people on the forums that be here for you.

You are more than welcome to post as many times as you wish lolman. We are non judgemental and here to support 🙂

My kind thoughts for you and your dad

Paul

[Starwolf]

Hey Lolman, a warm welcome to you.

Your observation of your Dad's behaviour is thoughtful and accurate. He seems to be in a depressive state. When this happens, it unfortunately means that everyone else around him ends up suffering too.

You are right, your father needs help. Acknowledging mental/emotional unrest doesn't come easy to sufferers but there's no way we can conquer whatever we don't dare to confront. When face to face communication is difficult, putting out thoughts in writing and handing them over as a letter has helped many people faced with similar issues. Copying the depression checklist and including it with this letter may also be useful. A letter can be edited as many times as necessary (writing also helps clarify the writer's own thoughts to himself). It can also be read and read again at leisure, pondered in privacy. No confrontation involved, no emotional blurting out to be regretted after. Encouraging a written reply is often a good idea.

You are a caring, insightful young man. You understand that your father loves you but is suffering and needs help. You are prepared to do what you can to that effect. He is lucky to have you. Hats off to you.

Thank you for your contribution to these forums. Many people at BB are/have been in a similar situation and will relate to the way you feel.

Here for you.

[Carmela]

Hi Lolman,

Can l start with what a wonderful and caring son you are. Reading your post, l can feel the love and concern. It is people like you that make recovery from mental illness possible. Thank you for being YOU.

Now, my 22-year-old nephew shares a similar experience to yours. My brothers business was causing him to suffer emotionally and physically due to the work load. He too would get terribly angry and short tempered. The family had approached him several times but were unsuccessful. My nephew decided to organise an activity they both loved - fishing. They spent the day out on a hired boat and talked about stuff including my brothers changing moods etc. My nephew deeply loves his father like you, but he needed an environment outside of the home, to communicate his message that he loved him and felt that he had changed and wanted to help his dad out. The outcome of the day trip was that my nephew went with his dad to the GP for a chat and assessment.

I know this might be a long shot, but do you think you could organise a time to sit simply with your dad and connect? The important point my nephew communicated was the day wasn't just about talking mental illness. They talked about many things, and mental health was just one of many topics covered and reminiscing about growing up and how great his dad is.

We are here for you Lolman. Please reach out and let us know how things are going at home. Keep being the awesome son you are.

Carmela