Help me understand my partners depression

[Lee75c]

Hi everyone I'm here to try and understand how to support my partner and her depression,we have been together nearly a year now and we live together but lately we are fighting more because I don't understand her depression and she is right I don't,I've never been with any one who suffers from it so I don't know what today or do to help her as when I do say something 9times out of 10 it's wrong and makes matters worse

any advice would be great as I love my partner and am willing to do what it takes to work through this with her

cheers

[james1]

Hi Lee,

It's great that you've reached out to us here as many of us also suffer from depression (myself included), so it is really really heart warming when people try to help. So thank you very much for being such a kind person.

Unfortunately I'm not sure I can really comment here as I don't know any of the specifics of what you're struggling to understand. If you feel comfortable telling us more about the issues you're facing, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

I think everyone has their own different struggles with depression. For me, I generally don't want advice because I just don't feel like I can act on it. If I had someone supporting me, I'd tell them to just be there when I needed them, and to plan stuff to do together. I don't have the energy to do stuff on my own, so having someone else plan everything makes getting up and about just that much easier. And planning downtime to just cuddle in silence is the other request I'd make.

I hope that helps and I hope to hear back if you feel comfortable. Thank you again for reaching out.

James

[blondguy]

Hi Lee

Welcome to the forums and thanks for posting too!

It takes a lot of strength to post and good on you for doing so

James has some great advice above. I too suffer from depression and it can be awful. Its like walking around with a heavy blanket over your head and difficult to find your way.

If you scroll down the page to 'Supporting Someone' there is some great info from BB on how to help a person with depression and also how you can help yourself too...This is a difficult situation to be in.

If you can let us know about any symptoms that your partner has it would help us help you Lee 🙂

You are more than welcome to post as many times as you wish...

Kind thoughts and here for you

Paul

[Carmela]

Hi Lee,

Welcome to the Beyondblue forums. I care for my husband who has depression. I understand how you are feeling and as the James and Paul has said, the more detail you can give us about what your partner is doing/behaviour, etc., can help us help you better. However, what l would recommend right now is to educate yourself about depression. It will make you life easier to know the facts so you are armed with the knowledge that will assist you to care for her. BeyondBlue has some great resources as well as Sane and Mind Australia.

Secondly, ask her what she needs. Some days will be tough for her and no matter what you do, you will push her emotional buttons - however, regardless if your intentions were innocent. Don't take it personally. She is struggling deeply. My husband once said its like a tsunami raging inside his head that consumes his emotions. He would lash out at the littlest of things, but l knew it wasn't him but the depression.

Lastly, if things get a little rough for you, take some time out. That can be catching up with family or friends, exercise etc. Get you time so you can maintain your resilience. Do activities that give you joy to cope through the tough days. I promise you, it will make you a better carer if you have a balanced life and not one solely worrying about your partner.

Hang in there and give us a little more detail.

Carmela