New Member - Concerned Mother - help!

Cackle66 · ‎19-05-2016

Hi, this is my first post in the forums. I have a 26 year old son who was diagnosed with depression a couple of years ago. He lives with his Father at the moment, not too far from me. We have both supported him with his journey to wellness, although he states that he prefers to talk to me rather than his Dad (who has some health issues of his own). He is currently almost finished his Uni degree (after a lot of indecision in the early years as to what degree he would do). He seemed to be doing so well, enjoying uni, getting awards for top of his class, etc. and was taking his medication. Recently he has crashed again. Unfortunately, I saw the slight warning signs a couple of weeks ago, but was assured by both him and his Father that he was "fine". Now for my intervention, where I find that he is not okay, and has stopped taking his meds about 3-4 weeks ago approximately. His sleeping pattern is irregular, ie staying up all night playing on the computer/watching movies, etc. and then sleeping all day. I am so distressed and concerned for him that he has slipped again... I am so proud of the wonderful person that he is, and really don't know where to start to get him back on track. I have suggested that he makes an appointment for both of us with his psychologist as a starting point. I've also suggested he contacts some friends to catch up but he said he doesn't want to do that yet. He is also concerned that he has now missed too much uni and will fail this semester.... any help and advice would be appreciated.

Marcsa · ‎19-05-2016

Hi Cackle66,

I want you to know that I empathise with your situation. It sounds almost exactly like mine. My son is almost 22 and lives with me and my daughter. I am divorced and the only one who my son takes any notice of is my Ex-husband. I wonder if my son will finish his degree, he did teaching but has two subjects to do. My second hand information is that he didn't get on with the Supervising teacher in one of the Pracs.

Your son sounds like a carbon copy of mine in that he has been on medication, but I believe is not taking it at present. He sleeps from 3am, 4am or 5am to 2.30pm or a bit later because he gets up to do some tutoring for High School students. I am frustrated because he doesn't seem to want to continue seeing a psychologist or the people at Headspace or even maintain contact with good friends from school.

I saw on another thread , someone suggested Relationship Counselling. I might look into it because I am so down about how things are. I hope your son is open to your suggestion of going to see the psychologist together.

Winterfell · ‎19-05-2016

Im sorry to hear your son has had a relapse of his depression, its good he has you to love and support him. From the study side of things, perhaps suggest to him he contact student services as soon as possible. With his depression they may have some options for him to withdraw without academic penalty or seek special consideration or supplementary arrangements.

Cackle66 · ‎20-05-2016

ThankYou Winterfell, Yes, I have since spoken with one of his lecturers who is aware of his health issues. She has also suggested the same re contacting student services. This is helpful information as I was unaware of these special considerations. I spoke with my son about this and he said he was not aware either. Thanks for your reply.

Cackle66 · ‎20-05-2016

Hi Marcsa, I am sorry to hear about your situation. It certainly is so hard as a parent who loves their child to see them in this situation, and all we want is for them to be happy. My son seems open to my suggestion of both of us going to see his psychologist and is also taking his meds again (but only about 3 days so results will be a little way away). Have you considered contacting your son's uni as per Winterfell's suggestion above, or do you feel that he is not interested at moment in completing his degree? That must be so difficult for you if he does not want to see anyone to get help.. I can only suggest that you gently persevere with that or have his Father speak to him if you feel that he won't listen to you. The sleeping pattern is such a worry as I feel it is self-destructive and really seems to help them to shut off the normal world - I am currently struggling with getting my son to change this habit. It is so hard I know to find that balance between supporting them and feeling like you are nagging or treating them like a child, when they are in fact an adult. I wish you all the best.

Marcsa · ‎19-07-2016

Hi,

I am frustrated to every suggestion I make to my son about getting motivated to complete his degree, I get a NO. He feels like he is worthless. Frustrated now, because he has an assignment he can't complete. He can't complete it because he doesn't have the information to do so. His review from his supervising teachers, I don't know for certain, but my son said they would have failed him if they could. My son doesn't want to go on . he doesn't care anymore. Anything I suggest is dismissed.

Marcsa · ‎19-07-2016

Hi again, My son doesn't want to see the doctor , he doesn't want to see the psychologist, he thinks the psychiatrist was a complete waste of effort ( $$$ and five mins worth of attention) ( ok, that might be a slight exaggeration). But my point is , he feels that if he can't solve and fix the issue now or very soon, it is all 'not worth it'. Going to see someone at Headspace is not worth it because he saw a psychologist privately and.....This is what I'm living with and it is worse than horrible.