Dear Real Estate
Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue.
What you are describing about your GF is very common to people with depression. Pushing people away, irritability, giving mixed messages, loving and hating a partner. It is extremely confusing for a partner and also confusing for the person concerned.
So first I will suggest you explore this site and learn as much as possible about depression. If you scroll to the top of the page and click on the blue tabs, The Facts and Resources you will get a drop down list of options to explore. This information is easy to read and can be sent to you or downloaded to your computer. These options also include information for gay people.
Going off medication cold turkey is never recommended and I am not surprised she is finding life difficult. I would be urging her to see her GP again and review the medication issue. Many people with depression feel that taking meds is a sign of weakness or that they are crazy. And no matter how many times we are told it's no different from taking other medication, the belief persists. I am one of these people and it has taken me years to accept that my antidepressants are necessary for my continued good mental health.
Much of this is due to community attitudes to mental health, which is one of the reasons for the existence of BB.
I do not know what you and your GF talk about so I'm not sure how useful this comment will be. You walk a fine line between encouraging her to talk about her feelings and getting some resentment for constantly asking. It's not logical, but then depression is not logical. Asking questions rarely works, but providing a an environment that is calm and comfortable may make your GF sufficiently relaxed to want to chat. I suggest you try to listen as much as possible. When we are depressed we do not want suggestions on how to get well, even though the suggestions seem reasonable to you. It just does not work like that.
What I wanted was someone to listen to my pain and affirm it was real, even if the listener did not understand. You can tell when someone is distressed and that's the point. Saying things like, snap out of it, get your act together, just do the right things or any variation on these themes will shut the door to communication. Be non-judgmental. Depression attacks anyone at any time. No one asks for it or enjoys it. It is not an attention seeking behaviour. I'm sure you know most of this, but it may be useful to think how you react.
Please write in again.
Mary
